How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

[PSBorNormal]

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

Sounds like you are sexualising your teenage daughter and being a potential victim blamer OP.
Read some statistics about people who have been attacked and the fact that what they're wearing has absolutely nothing to do with the attack.

What's with this weird "swimsuit is equivalent to underwear" attitude? I never got that memo.

Me neither, and I don't see hoardes of people swimming in their underwear, so most people must look upon them as being different.

Exactly. They're not the same thing at all. If you tried going swimming in underwear, you'd get booted out of your local pool pretty fast.

I live on the coast. I wouldn't batter an eyelid!

So many kids go to the beach, swim and then walk home in a towel.

Or many go down and swim in clothes and walk home dripping wet 🤷‍♀️🤣

Most of the fashion clothing for girls nowadays seems to be wearing little more than swimwear so I doubt anyone noticed

Yikes! ... admitting first, I haven't read all 16 pages but ...

I understand your point OP - MAYBE...

Do you have an experience in your past that has triggered this reaction or were made to feel you should cover up?

I grew up with a weird Mum, she'd rather die then discuss anything remotely sensitive in front of anyone and never a male - she flipped her lid when I emptied my handbag I don't if my then 15yo brother and a tampon fell out AND she'd dry knickers & bras on the radiator, pushed behind the buffet unit so out of sight.

I have 3 daughters and my greatest fear as a mum has been them being assaulted, abducted etc so if that's your fear, that your girl walking alone, in a cossie is somehow making her more of a target than if she were wearing head to toe clothes, I do understand a bit that reasoning

BUT... to a predatory deviant, she is prey no matter what she wears. There's a project called 'What were you wearing' that shows what girls/women were wearing when they were assaulted/raped & it's worth acknowledging that it really doesn't matter.

Lastly and most importantly, it makes me incredibly sad that you say your angry with your daughter.

Your anger should be directed at the world that creates your fear.

By directing your anger AT her you are creating a whole other problem! A lifelong one, of feeling ashamed of her body, of thinking that if she is assaulted that its her fault and that she can't tell you because you'll be angry AT her.

You need to be careful not to mould her into a victim - predatory can easily pick out the fighters and who will go quietly.

Going against the grain here but I agree with you that it’s odd. Walking home in a costume, not in a tourist area, not near a beach will unfortunately draw attention to her if there is a pervert around. You just want her to be as safe as possible and amongst lots of 11yr girls walking along country lanes, to a perverted child attacker, the one showing lots of flesh would draw attention. I get that people have picked up on your use of the word angry, but you’re angry that she hasn’t given herself a layer of protection against perverted eyes - clothing!
I’d feel the same.

It’s a sad day when a child can’t walk home in their swim suit.

Of course YANBU. It’s completely inappropriate for anyone, male or female, child or adult, to walk around in a swimsuit! At a beach or pool is fine, but not on a street or in a shop, or anywhere else.

Why?

I feel OP is getting a little too much grief. Whilst I would agree that at 11 it’s too much to worry about BUT at 11 my daughter was an adult size 10 with a 32F bra size. In France as she cycled home from the campsite’s swimming pool men would stop and ogle her! Since she was only 11 I didn’t want her to suddenly think that all men might see her like that, especially as not all men did but enough of them where looking that it made my skin crawl and part of me wanted to use a sharpie to write “I’m only 11 you perverts!” On her forehead. 🤣

Because it’s not outdoor attire- the same as walking in your pyjamas or underwear or slippers. I’d say the same if it was a man going topless down the street. It lacks decorum. Some hotels have to put up signs saying no beachwear in the dining room because some people think they should wear whatever they like.

But it's not a hotel, it's the street, and who the hell uses the word "decorum" these days?

But it's not a hotel, it's the street, and who the hell uses the word "decorum" these days?

The principle is the same. Hotels putting up signs because people are actually clueless at what can and can’t be worn in any give situation.

I just did, so I do. I’m not sure if the street could be worse than a hotel. Do you honestly not think it’s inappropriate if you see a semi-naked man on a hot day walking down a street or in a shop?

Not an issue

But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about a kid walking home after a swim, with a towel around them as well. Honestly don't see what's lacking in "decorum" there, or why it's "inappropriate".

I walk home from the beach in my swimming cozzie and towel and if I need milk I go to the shop on my way

I mean in fairness anyone of any age walking around in their swimsuit outside of the pool or beach, it's just quite gross

You are right OP. I hate all this "a rapist doesn't care what you wear"
It still attracts pervs and weirdos looking at her. The world can be a disgusting place, why not reduce her experience of that.

And the reactions on this thread are at odds with the majority reaction on the 13 year old girls wearing shorts up their bums. Most were against that and thought as parents we should protect them.

Oh well me and everyone else that lives in my village is gross then. Ridiculous.

@multisurface
Do you go shopping in your pants too or is there something about the particular fabric of a swimsuit that makes it feel different somehow?

Sorry but I don't want to see people's bodies rippling away when I'm trying to buy some bread or whatever

I live no more than 150 yards from the beach. I walk home in a cozzie with a towel around me, past the shop on the way ,as do plenty of others.

I am not in pants, my breasts are not on show.

I also go to the shop in shorts and a bikini top if the notion takes me and I'm 52.

Zero fuchs are given by me

When I was barely 12 I was sexually assaulted by a middle aged male official in plain sight of other people while i was at a swimming gala wearing a swimming costume. Horrible.

Why?