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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
pollymere · 16/08/2023 19:23

Actually I'd be livid but only because mine gets chills just by thinking about it! This would have made mine get really sick and probably get a UTI into the bargain. Other than that, it was really hot yesterday afternoon and I think walking home in that is probably ok.

boqq · 16/08/2023 19:26

Absolutely a non issue. She’s only eleven. Why sexualise her?

AnnieSnap · 16/08/2023 19:29

I’m surprised so many posters think this is an over-reaction considering the way women and girls are letched after walking down the street fully clothed. I’d be pretty annoyed too. In addition to the above, it would certainly attract the attention of those with an unhealthy interest in children’s bodies and that would apply whether this was an 11-year-old girl or a boy! Maybe your husband wouldn’t find it so hilarious if he’d heard some of the inevitable comments made by some who saw her.

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Totaly · 16/08/2023 19:32

it would certainly attract the attention of those with an unhealthy interest in children’s bodies

Maybe it’s because predators go for children who look uncared for?

AnnieSnap · 16/08/2023 19:33

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 15/08/2023 21:14

Huh? Why would you care? Unless your area is a hotbed of criminal misogynists and you are reacting as angry to demonstrate fear for her?

Sadly, the world is a “hotbed of criminal misogynists”!

AnnieSnap · 16/08/2023 19:34

Totaly · 16/08/2023 19:32

it would certainly attract the attention of those with an unhealthy interest in children’s bodies

Maybe it’s because predators go for children who look uncared for?

You’re completely right, but they do love blond pretty children, or those skimpily dressed!

BelleShazzasFeast · 16/08/2023 19:39

There's a lot of batshittery here.

It's not appropriate to walk around a village in a swimming costume because we wear clothes to walk around in public. If we're at the beach, it's normal to walk around in a swimsuit (the same is presumably true of pool resort type places, though I've never been to one). If we're walking along public roads in the UK, we tend to be dressed.

It's nothing to do with sexualisation of children. It's more to do with social norms. I would have told any visiting child in that situation that they need to put some clothes on before walking home.

Children in Scotland have gone back to school, for those who don't know. Scotland is the country above England.

I still wouldn't be angry with a child about it, though. I'd just tell them to make sure they had some clothes on next time.

JusthereforXmas · 16/08/2023 19:41

While I would not encourage that dress to pop to the shops etc... I could not be this mad about a child walking home from swimming in her swimwear, hardly a huge deal.

I mean you bought it for her to wear (in public view) and she had a reason to have worn it.

JusthereforXmas · 16/08/2023 19:48

As for people saying shes Peado bate in a bikini... then if you believe that then why didn't mam or dad go pick her up instead of letting her walk along roads and through woods alone?

Do you honestly think clothing is why people get raped? thats some misogyny

I went to school with a girl who was horrifically raped in a completely random attack (beaten, dragged into the woods and raped by a serial rapist who attacked half a dozen girls in 1 month). It made HUGE news (because it is so rare to happen in general) and do you know what she was wearing?

Baggy jeans and a baggy sweater and old trainers because she was walking her puppy in the rain and mud. Absolutly nothing scantly clad or sexual. It was a completely random attack based on opportunity and she just very unfortunately happened to be the girl walking past alone.

dawngreen · 16/08/2023 19:49

But walking near woods and parked cars, its a ideal spot for that type to park up, and watch ppl. When I was young walking our dogs with my sister. We would find these dodgy types hanging round other parked cars watching ppl. Call me paranoid but I prefer to be safe then sorry.

Rosscameasdoody · 16/08/2023 19:52

None event, you’re being unreasonable.

AIBU79 · 16/08/2023 19:53

Totally would be an issue for me too. But then I work with sex offenders who look at kids in underwear/swimwear for kicks! I would have gone bananas! No way would I allow my kids or any I was in charge of to do this. When I have my kids’ friends over, once they are finished in the paddling pool the swimsuit is off and their clothes back on. I am the only one who supervises this.

semideponent · 16/08/2023 19:55

My thoughts are that you told DD to be home by 6pm. You're anxious and angry that the parent in charge let her go and walk home in her costume + towel.

She did what you asked ( I think) insofar as she was home on time.

The other parent didn't do what you expected.

But your DD is on the cusp of adolescence and this is exactly the kind of gappy world of people's expectations and forms of support (got to be home by 6 - lovely to see you, off you go - OMG, you walked through the village like THAT) that she needs to learn to navigate.

You need to help her figure this out - what for her is okay, safe, what's not, what needs communicating to whom. The other parent isn't "bad", it's just that their way of doing things with children the same age has given you a wake up call.

Zebedee999 · 16/08/2023 19:56

I'd be very unhappy. If I was the other parent I'd have at least escorted your DD home, or got someone else to. I'm shocked by this.

Rachie1973 · 16/08/2023 19:56

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

Massive overreaction

Yourcatisnotsorry · 16/08/2023 20:01

Yabu to be angry at your DD
yanbu to be angry about and concerned for her safety from predatory men

i wouldn’t have my kids wandering around our town in swimsuits but I wouldn’t be angry if another parent thought it was ok for their kids (or my kids in their care)

LifeIsShitJustNow · 16/08/2023 20:07

it’s amazing how everyone refers to the dd as a child and not a teen. Even though many 11yo are well developed and do not have a child’s body anymore, pro will have periods etc… and will be treated by outsiders men as a teen/young woman (and fair play)

I also think more or less all MNters don’t have any experience of walking down the street in a swimming costume as a teen.
It’s all well and good to say she can wear what she likes etc… and yes on paper I agrée. But to have been that teen walking in a swimming costume p, I can tell you that what you wear DOES make a difference. A swimming costume leaves even less to the imagination and some men will jump at the opportunity to ogle all they can. More so than when dressed normally. Much more.
Having been on the receiving side, I learnt very quickly that No you dont walk down the street in a swimming costume. Not unless you want to be made extremely uncomfortable once you noticed the looks which the OP’s might not have clocked yet.

Duechristmas · 16/08/2023 20:12

I wouldn't care. It's a short distance, it's Summer. It's no different to my kids walking back from the beach in hers, and she usually forgets to take a towel!

MagicFarawayTea · 16/08/2023 20:23

Off topic but…after school? It’s August Ffs. Is this some kind of private school bollocks?

salmonlla · 16/08/2023 20:26

@MagicFarawayTea my family in Scotland went back to school this week?

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/08/2023 20:30

Redshoeblueshoe · 15/08/2023 21:00

Seriously - how are you going to cope when she's a teenager ?

I imagine wrapping her in a blanket secured with a logging chain.

Janiie · 16/08/2023 20:42

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/08/2023 20:30

I imagine wrapping her in a blanket secured with a logging chain.

Show quote history

🙄

Probably by suggesting she doesn't walk home alone by main roads in swimwear?!

multisurface · 16/08/2023 20:46

Genuinely this wouldn't bother me.

As an adult, I walk to and from the beach in swimmers all the time, and so do my kids and have done since they were born.

kennycat · 16/08/2023 20:46

I guess it may depend how developed your 11 year old is. My 11 year old looks about 8. Very child like still. Some of her friends have bigger boobs than me so if that was your daughter I’d probably be a bit cross.

it’s not particularly normal walking through town in ones swimmers though. I’d not be happy either way.

MrsMarzetti · 16/08/2023 20:48

I assume it isn't snowing so i don't see what the problem is.