How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

[PSBorNormal]

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

It's absolutely ridiculous to suggest that the clothing you wear doesnt affect the attentuon you get.

When I go outside in a dress I feel very different and I have noticed I am treated differently.

If I see a hot man walking down the street I will barely really look at him, if I see one walking down the street with his shirt off because its hot, yeah I will look a bit harder😅

What's the problem?
You'll make the child neurotic if you carry on like that.

I open water swim, and I frequently drive home in only a towel, ok it is a towel you can wear but I don’t see the issue with walking around or traveling in swim wear if you are going or have been swimming.

I would tell my daughter to put on some clothes next time, but right now I wouldn't pay too much attention to it 😊 She probably did this in all innocence. It's good to explain to her why it upsets you, but please don't make it bigger than it is.

The issue is it might make other people especially boys and men uncomfortable. It's about consideration for others. I don't think I would be angry over it, she is only 11, but I would remind her when she goes swimming again to make sure she wearing something over her swimsuit on the way home.

I don’t know why people are jumping to swimsuit = increased chances of rape/abduction.

The truth is it isn’t socially acceptable to walk through a village in a swimsuit - we just don’t.

We wear clothes when required to do so.

Firstly I don’t get how she’s in school. Secondly if my biggest problem was my daughter walking back in her costume from her friends private pool, I’d be laughing. You need some perspective, this is not a real life problem.

Crikey over reacting much?

Hey OP, just want to say I think you’re getting a hard time here. Your reaction was one of overprotectiveness from fear and I get that. It’s not your fault that’s how you react at all, that’s because society is full of predators. I don’t have any advice, I don’t have a daughter myself nor a son old enough to do this, but I do get how you had a strong reaction. X

I understand your concern tbh.
I wouldn’t have gone mad at her but I would have pointed out that she could have put herself at a little risk possibly.
if she were with someone else ok but on her own she did make herself a little more vulnerable in my opinion. We all have a responsibility to keep ourselves safe and learning this fact should start at a young age. I’m not saying it’s right that this is the case but it has to be taken into account.

Exactly. The sexual abuse I went through at around the same age had nothing to do with the clothes I wore. It's about decorum.

1- wearing a towel over a swimming g suit is not the same than just a swimming suit
2- you are in your car not walking down the High Street

I mean let’s be honest, how often do see ANYONE, man or woman, walking down the street in a swimming costume? I’m going to say never unless very close to the beach (and even then…).
I mean just read all the threads on here saying it’s not ok for men to be bare chest when it turns hot (and they’ve spent too much time at the pub).

I would say an 11 year old girl walking alone is vulnerable regardless of whether she in a burkha or a bikini. That's the world we live in, sadly.

I’m going to say that clothing doesn’t stop unwanted attention. But lack of clothing certainly attracts them.

I think predators will abuse anyway because they're scumbags and that's what they do.

Nice to think she’s just calm and confident walking home from a swim in summer in a swimming costume and towel. Long May it last.

@@PSBorNormal

Leave her be. She's (unknowingly) enjoying the last few moments of being a child. Not being body conscious.

Don't be mardy with DD or DH, she walked home, she didn't get hassled. She just walked home from a friends after a swim. Let her enjoy her life.

School has resumed in Scotland this week.

Gross. OP you are sexualising a child and shaming them for their body.

I dont think you over reacted. I would have perhaps said put a tshirt and shorts on. There have been a few warnings lately round my area of people in vehicles trying to coerce kids into cars. Some opportunistic perv could have been driving past.

If they had been, the clothing would make no difference.

It’s NOT the OP who is sexualising her child.
It’s people/men around that do that and put women and children/teen in danger.

If boys and men feel “uncomfortable “ that’s their problem not hers. It’s not her job to look after men’s feelings, or even to give them any consideration.
As for the remarks about being vulnerable- any woman or girl, young, old, dressed in not very much or covered from head to toe, can be targeted by sexual assault.

Crikey, where I grew up, we lived in swimsuits in the summer! Not inappropriate at all, unless she got cold.

We used to run a villahe shop and one hot day one of our customers came in just wearing a tiny red bikini and looking fabulous. So your dd is not the first 🙂