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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
Julimia · 16/08/2023 20:53

Chill!

mamatoTails · 16/08/2023 21:00

I don't see any issue.
I don't live in the U.K. now but my kids spend 3 months of the year walking/cycling/scootering from home, to pools, to friends, to more pools, more friends etc in just swimwear.

MikeRafone · 16/08/2023 21:02

not getting the issue?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
Olu123 · 16/08/2023 21:03

I’d think it was odd for a child of any age to be walking down the road in swimwear.
presumably she wore clothes to go to the house why didn’t she change before coming back home ?
even babies get changed after swimming. Very weird and quite inappropriate to draw unnecessary attention to oneself

MsAGog · 16/08/2023 21:16

JusthereforXmas · 16/08/2023 19:48

As for people saying shes Peado bate in a bikini... then if you believe that then why didn't mam or dad go pick her up instead of letting her walk along roads and through woods alone?

Do you honestly think clothing is why people get raped? thats some misogyny

I went to school with a girl who was horrifically raped in a completely random attack (beaten, dragged into the woods and raped by a serial rapist who attacked half a dozen girls in 1 month). It made HUGE news (because it is so rare to happen in general) and do you know what she was wearing?

Baggy jeans and a baggy sweater and old trainers because she was walking her puppy in the rain and mud. Absolutly nothing scantly clad or sexual. It was a completely random attack based on opportunity and she just very unfortunately happened to be the girl walking past alone.

Do you honestly think clothing is why people get raped? thats some misogyny

It's not misogyny to want to protect your own child from predatory gazes. No, it won't stop an evil person from targeting someone but it's also a normal reaction to have

This is exactly why some people think it's fine to have their child run naked and others don't. It's not because they blame rape victims for being raped and hate women

Fwiw I've been raped and I do agree (as 99% do) that it has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with power and opportunity. Still, being protective of a child (who can't make their own decisions about clothing/dignity) is natural

Caszekey · 16/08/2023 21:19

Aposterhasnoname · 16/08/2023 09:11

I see victim blaming is still alive and well. OP, hate to burst your bubble but what women/girls wear has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much unwanted attention they get.

Show quote history

this just isn't true. men will look more at bare flesh than they do clothed. do you really think you'd get the same comments if you went out in an oversized baggy round necked jumper vs a skin tight, plunge playsuit?

As for whomever questioned why breasts matter, i'd assume it depends whether the observer might think its an adult or a child at a quick glance. Unlikely at 11, and obv not all women have large breasts but an adult-looking body is obv going to garner more attention than a child because most men aren't paedophiles surely

Anyport · 16/08/2023 21:19

You sent her out to go swimming without a change of clothes or a towel? That's on you.

Eastie77Returns · 16/08/2023 21:20

What a demented thread. Of course it’s not ok for a child to walk home through a forest and across 2 busy main roads wearing a swimsuit!

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 16/08/2023 21:21

I can't say I've ever seen anyone walking around the streets in the UK in swimwear (I'm inland). In their gardens? Yes.
I grew up competitive swimming and I can't think of any occasion when we did this, I guess we were always at the swimming pool or in a garden/holiday pool/at the beach in swimwear. We'd always get changed after training or a gala (clothes on top of dryish costume if no time/inclination to fully change).

I wouldn't shame her (eek) but from a safety perspective I'd encourage her to wear shorts or a skirt minimum, even something jersey/athletic and elasticated to pull on that doesn't show conspicuous wet spots 😁 and throw a t-shirt on top. Nice and easy!

I wouldn't care so much about the top half if she had a towel around her shoulders although I'd be concerned a weirdo in a car might harass or even follow her. It's not her fault obviously but throwing one or two items of clothing on could mitigate the risk if she's on her own.

Wonderfulstuff · 16/08/2023 21:27

At age 11 I probably swam at least 5 times a week. If I wasn't in my school uniform I was probably in my swimming costume. I don't understand the drama and I can't imagine my Mum being 'pissed off' with me if I had walked home in a swimming costume and towel... maybe if I hadn't worn a sun hat on a sunny day but not for being in a cossie.

Grammarnut · 16/08/2023 21:29

What's the issue here? A costume is entirely covering and she is only eleven. I would be more worried that she walked alone down a road bordered by a forest and dog walkers than that she did it in a swimming suit. Your priorities need re-arranging I think and your DH is right, the swimsuit bit is funny - the lone walk is not.

LifeIsShitJustNow · 16/08/2023 21:40

@Grammarnut at 11yo, I had my periods for at least a year. I had breast, pubic hair etc… like many others girls, esp nowadays.

I would never assume 11yo= pre pubescent/not looking like a woman with a teen/woman body. Because that’s seriously not the case fir many girls.

MisschiefMaker · 16/08/2023 21:46

Maybe it's just the way you phrased it, but I don't think you should have "told her off" as she would have had no concept that this was bad - as you can see from the thread most other people don't either. Is she supposed to be a mind reader?

If you don't think it's appropriate then that should be conveyed to her in an educational way that shows you have her best interests at heart so that she learns to trust your judgement rather than just seeing you as the enemy. Instead you have shamed her just when she's just approaching that awkward self-conscious puberty phase. That's how girls end up with weird sexual humiliation fetishes.

Maybe this is a good time for you to think about how you're going to address other issues as they arise, like if you don't like her skirt length, in a way that works for you and her.

MsAGog · 16/08/2023 22:12

LifeIsShitJustNow · 16/08/2023 21:40

@Grammarnut at 11yo, I had my periods for at least a year. I had breast, pubic hair etc… like many others girls, esp nowadays.

I would never assume 11yo= pre pubescent/not looking like a woman with a teen/woman body. Because that’s seriously not the case fir many girls.

No 11 yo is going to have a woman's body but yes to the rest.

We think of 11yos as primary school but

11 could be year 7 it's not prebuscent it's generally when many are starting or have started already

mathanxiety · 16/08/2023 22:13

Wearing a swimsuit at the beach or at the pool is rather different to walking through the village wearing one, isn't it?

@PSBorNormal
Do you think pedophiles never go to the beach?

Do you think fully clothed children on their way to or from school have never been targeted by pedophiles?

doroda · 16/08/2023 22:20

My DD was 11 when I first noticed men glancing at her.

She's 12 now and she has had cars honking their horn at her. Whilst clothed obviously. I would not allow to her to walk the streets wearing a swimsuit.

Plunger · 16/08/2023 22:29

Swimming lessons were at the secondary school approx 800m from my secondary school. 30 or so teenage girls would have to walk from one school to the other along a main road in their swimming costumes. No one thought anything of it.

CantstopsayingFFS · 16/08/2023 23:30

How about this scenario if we want to use the analogy of that's what you wear on the beach/swimming pool? What if she walked home or was at the beach / swimming pool swimming in her underwear? It's covering exactly what a swimming suit is but different fabric...

BossyFlossie76 · 16/08/2023 23:34

I live in a seaside town, also a river and creek nearby. I frequently see people (of all ages) walking around in swimming clothes (and do so myself). When it’s hot, normal swimsuits, when it’s cold…wetsuits and dry robes.

I think it’s really normal, I wouldn’t have seen a problem.

FreddieMercurysCat · 17/08/2023 02:39

I genuinely wouldn’t care.

EconomyClassRockstar · 17/08/2023 02:43

As a pool owner, this is literally how every teenager leaves a pool hangout.

Darkherds · 17/08/2023 03:15

WunWun · 15/08/2023 21:09

I would absolutely not let my DD's friend walk home from my house like this

I wouldn't either. I think it strange that the other parent let her and would be disappointed in them.
I would be concerned too by her walking home alone like that. And also - wasn't it wet and uncomfortable?

Irismarle · 17/08/2023 08:49

As others have said, it seems unreasonable to be angry with your DD who presumably walked home like that in all innocence, maybe anxious not to be late. But YANBU in your basic reaction. I think your anger should be at the other parent who didn’t give her a lift home or advise her to dress. I’m amazed at how many people abuse you for your concern and seem to think ‘bad men’ are only to be found in cities. But paedophiles and predators apart, you are right to see it as inappropriate to walk home like that and to explain this to her - that is not sexualising her, in my opinion, but being a sensible and caring parent. Ignore your DH’s view!

Purplerain0505 · 17/08/2023 08:55

I wouldn’t want to encourage it but also wouldn’t make her feel bad about it.

Although I live by the beach and I recently watched some local girls aged 13 walk through the village in bikinis and listening to what the blokes outside the pub were saying about them made me feel sick.

Cottagewitch · 17/08/2023 09:20

Don’t see the problem. The kids in our village go swimming in the river in summer and they walk too and from the river with just towels and swimming costumes.