Did/do you look for a man to 'protect' you as a significant aspect of a relationship?

[Echobelly]

Asking this as 'menosphere' social media types seem really obsessed with this idea that all women are looking for a man who will 'protect' them. Which never even occurred to me and I can't imagine has been a factor for any woman I know.

I wonder if to some extent it is more an American cultural thing, but even there it's probably bollocks and it's a projection of insecure men trying to find some reason women 'need' them? Like 'I'm stronger, so only I can protect her!', although that's messed up because it would mostly mean... protecting her from other men. And of course, the greatest danger to women is probably intimate male partners in the first place.

I can imagine a situation, perhaps where a woman has been hurt by a man she should have trusted as a child, where she may consciously look for a man she feels protects her when that man in her earlier life didn't, but I don't think women are even thinking about how much a guy can 'protect' her when looking for a life partner.

Not physically (but then I’m not physically under threat) but emotionally and in other ways, yes.

I think good partners do that for each other.

Fuck. That. I find it insulting that I would need a man to protect me.

It wasn't something I had ever thought of, but my husband makes me feel safe and protected and it's lovely. I suppose different dynamics occur with experience - I was poorly and my husband became very protective on the back of that, but now it's so lovely to feel this way.

Not consciously, but I have to say I was never really attracted to men who weren’t at least a bit taller, stronger, heftier than I was. Maybe it’s a primeval sort of instinct - certainly I never wanted any bloke with thighs thinner than my own.😂

But I’ve def. known big, hefty women who were evidently attracted to the sort of men I’d have called weedy, maybe it happens in reverse - their maternal instinct or something wanting someone weaker, to mother.

This all sounds completely stifling, as a grown adult I don’t need watching over because I happen to be out in public, each to their own but I’d find this suffocating and verging on paranoia.

You get that it’s 2023, right?

You are very confused about genetics if you think there’s a female-only gene for seeking out male protectors.

Imagine in the cave men days. A woman who doesn't "need protecting, thank you very much"Wanders from the cave with DC, all get gobbled up

Logically whatever would gobble them up would gobble up the man.

I think being gay (and thus used to getting hassle) and me being disabled has made her somewhat paranoid about something happening to me, but she has always been this way.

But I’ve def. known big, hefty women who were evidently attracted to the sort of men I’d have called weedy, maybe it happens in reverse - their maternal instinct or something wanting someone weaker, to mother.

The man might be slimmer & smaller but it doesn't mean he is weaker.

This thread is eye opening, I didn't know so many woman are scared to be out alone in the dark or at home alone.

Nope! I can take care of myself thanks and since there are now no dangerous wild animals in the UK I don't mean a man with a spear to keep them at bay.

Or maybe these neanderthals think that women need protecting from other men, like them? Could have a point there ...

@MagentaMoon why is that a surprise to you? It’s extremely common.

I never did it consciously, DH and I met quite young though. Looking at the relationship now though, we definitely both protect each other but in different ways. So I probably would look for the same again if I were to find myself single and wanted a new partner.

Alternatively....

I had a fantastic dad, who I always felt utterly safe and protected with. He always looked out for me.

So, my standards were set high. I won't accept much less from a man.

This thread is eye opening to me because of the absolute arsiness of some of the responses. It is absolutely vital for someone to be protective over their partner and family. And it goes both ways.

In my example- my ex would have sent me to deal with a group of crackheads who were trying to break into our house thinking my home was someone else’s. We‘ve also had men not give a shit about their pregnant wife lifting furniture because his brand of feminism meant that were equal and she should have helped.

i don’t think anyone is seriously posting saying they want caveman who will fight anyone who looks at them or are choosing their partner on their ability to pin down robbers- but wanting someone who gives a bit of a shit about your well-being is not a slight on your stance as an independent women.

just thinking about all the binfire relationships where the man is selfish, out for himself and has zero regard for the emotional and physical well-being of his wife and kids. How much of this behaviour was entertained in the dating stage because sentiments of ‘I can look after myself!‘ you shouldn’t rely on a man for anything!’

if you are going to live with a man and have children with a man- you better make damn sure that they are protective over your wellbeing, safety and health.

Men who join 'the manosphere' tend to do so to whinge about why women won't give them (their god-given right of) sex (the answer to which obvious to anyone who spends more then 5 seconds in their company). Expecting accurate information from them about what Actual Women want is like expecting informative and legal tax planning advice from an eel.

@Giantpig is it common? what is it you are afraid of? I likely would be scared if I lived very rurally with no neighbours but I'm in a London terrace with secure locks & an alarm.

It is absolutely vital for someone to be protective over their partner and family. And it goes both ways.

I wouldn't disagree with this but I think people are confusing what the OP is referring too.

i don’t think anyone is seriously posting saying they want caveman who will fight anyone who looks at them or are choosing their partner on their ability to pin down robbers- but wanting someone who gives a bit of a shit about your well-being is not a slight on your stance as an independent women.

Just because someone is independent is doesn't mean they don't want a partner to care about their well-being. That's not the type of protectiveness the OP is referring too

@lovewoola i think it is common. I don’t mean full on panic attacks etc but feeling nervous. I’ve lived alone and it was unnerving at night sometimes- my best friends bloke works nights sometimes and she doesn’t like being alone with the children (they were burgled once when they were in in the middle of the night). Another friend lives alone in a big detached house and always says she would be really scared without the dog, with it she is nervous but ok. My cousin has lived alone for 20 years and still sleeps with her tv on and a light and takes her phone to bed with her (she has been burgled too).

@lovewoola actually my mum does have full on panic attacks if she is left alone at night (but then she is disabled and more vulnerable).

@Giantpig common for you perhaps but I don't know anyone who is scared so it's an individual perspective.
I would be scared in a detached house in the middle of nowhere but would feel better if I had a companion regardless if they were a man or not. I was burgled in my uni house & didn't feel comfortable in that house again but that was regardless if I was alone or not. I do take my phone to bed but not because i'm scared.

Reading this thread I've realised that there are an awful lot of people out there who spend a lot of their life fearing things that most likely will never happen. That seems a shame.