Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

I didn't have the right products or cuts for my fine but thick type 2c/3a curly wavy hair. No curly girl method then. It wasn't so much that my parents didn't believe in them as they just didn't know how to deal with my hair type. I tried to have it bobbed without layers age 13 and it looked like I was wearing a mushroom on my head!

I am sorry you went through that

@PyongyangKipperbang Embarrassment amnesia is a great description!

@Aspergallus The idea is that someone who uses tampons needs frequent surgery to clean out internal gunk is spectacularly batshit. Imagine the millions of gynae appointments in the UK alone for all the bunged-up tampon users! But I bet she thought tampons are just a plug instead of absorbing the flow to remove it. So the menstrual flow is just stuck up there.

Allowing children to make decisions.

My parents chose my hobbies and even what subjects I was allowed to take for GSCE and A level.

As a result I no longer partake in any childhood hobbies and in fact gave them all up as soon as I left home at 18. Additionally I am currently studying with the OU in a subject that I have chosen!

@PyongyangKipperbang @FictionalCharacter yes I love the description of "embarrassment amnesia." Sometimes I wonder if it's a natural trait of parenting, it seems so universal that they remember things differently. Or maybe it was more a 70s/80s/90s parenting thing!

Split ends? Haven't heard them mentioned for years. Still think it's hairdresser bollocks.

😂

I had to wear my mothers old knickers even as a child. I was bought a new bra when I needed my first one and then I had to wear her old ones too. Never mind if they fitted or not.

All clothes were hand me downs or bought very cheap at markets.

My parents did not believe that a child of theirs could ever know anything more than they knew. I remember the time years ago when a tsunami struck a holiday destination and one family survived because the child had just finished learning about them in class, and had recognised the warning signs on the beach. I remember thinking 'good job that wasn't me and my parents, they would have scoffed and sneered at me and none of us would have survived.'

This survived into adulthood - I was lying if I ever suggested that I knew something that they hadn't heard about.

I had my sisters old ones. They didn't fit well but I was tired of wearing little girl vest tops. I was flat but I wanted to be like the girls in my class who had bras. I cringe looking back, I looked ridiculous when changing for gym.

My Mum didn’t believe in eating in cafes / restaurants when we had food at home. Looking back, she was probably quite hard up and my younger brother was really hard work.

My grandad absolutely hated worms. If he found one in his garden, he would throw it over his neighbour’s fence.

I wonder what my children will say about me? I think all my habits are totally reasonable but it’s possible they are not.

I was the same - deeply embarrassed because I was the last girl in the class to need a bra.
I persuaded my mum to buy me a Berlei Teen Bra (size 30AA) when I had nothing to put in it.

I was also pretty much the last girl to start her periods.

I needn't have worried. I was just a bit late in developing, but there was nothing wrong.

It's so important when you're a teenage girl, though.

Split ends definitely exist. I can see mine. The hair at the end is split into two. They make my hair kind of fuzzy at the end. I don’t care much about them tho and only go to hairdresser a few times a year. You should check your hair ends, you might have them.

also, conditioner isn’t supposed to go on your head, only on the ends of your hair.

I don’t believe it has anything to do with parenting or how long ago it was. I think it’s a trait of certain personality types.
Most of us are able to acknowledge and admit parenting mistakes we made, and I can’t believe I’d “forget” if I’d said something like that to my child. Then again I never had any batshit beliefs about tampons. But there are parents who create a whole fabricated narrative of their children’s childhood, because they want to pretend it was happy and perfect when it really wasn’t. This is not a normal trait of parenting at all.

One of my parents was like that with me. I think I must have been quite an untruthful child or prone to giving out inaccurate information, because I wasn't believed about most things.

I was a chubby child and had to have advice from school nurse about my eating. She told me not to skip meals I remember mentioning this in front of my dad who really thought I should starve myself "so you won't be ugly and unwanted" and he was like "nah, she never would have said that!"

Lot of gaslighting went on in our home. I sometimes wonder if I was going crazy. I don't know what your parents generation was @barbarahunter but mine were post WW2 cold war era and I wonder how much the trauma of living in those times affected that generation because it seems to be such a common thing for them to gaslight or disbelieve their own kids.

spot on @BrindleAbyssinianGuinea

I think that’s quite common unfortunately. Looking at MN posts you often see older parents dismissing their daughter’s opinion on a medical issue when she’s a doctor (but believing a random non-medical friend or neighbour), or her opinion on finance when she’s an economist or works in banking.

Drinking water!

Genuinely my parents still rarely drink water 😳

Maybe. You would be surprised though . My father (born early 1950s) must have been traumatised by the cold war era or something as he has misremembered major incidents in our childhood , like he has his own version of our history. He forgot about the times he was violent to us especially when using weapons was involved. Oh and the abuse me and my sister went through as children didn't happen but was the product of our imaginations or books we read. My mother was like this too . I think not liking confrontations and wanting everything to be happy all the time was a factor for her in this. She was a passive shy lady, heart of gold but not a fighter.

Buying ‘feminine’ chocolate bars. My dad wouldn’t pick me up a galaxy caramel from the shop because it would be too embarrassing for him. Something like a Twix would be fine though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Spending money unless absolutely necessary. My mother also believed tampons caused cervical cancer, and that the manufacturers had probably bribed scientists to destroy the research that proved they did.

I could never get my head round this feminine choc bar thing . Remember that Yorkie ad? "Its not for girls!" . Load of balls. I could put away 3 or 4 of them in a sitting !

Many common ones, like fabric softener, shaving your legs, hair conditioner etc.

They didn't really believe in God. They did the high days and holidays of the CofE but they didn't really enforce it that much. Result: both of them and I are atheists now.

Long hair in women over 40. What a weird one, my mum maintains that women over 40 should have short hair (???). She has a short bob. I have long hair, and I'm 45.

Both of them believe we are overrun with "forriners" in the UK. Absolutely jam-packed full. Yet all their friends are English .

Bread, potatoes and tomatoes go in the fridge. No!

If you pluck out a grey hair, two will grow in it's place
Don't wash your hair if you are having your period
Too many baths weakens you

@BrindleAbyssinianGuinea i know! Godbid if I ever had to ask him to pick up some pads 😂