Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

God forbid*

Apologising.

@BrindleAbyssinianGuinea
”One of my parents was like that with me. I think I must have been quite an untruthful child or prone to giving out inaccurate information, because I wasn't believed about most things.”

I find that really sad to read - they didn’t believe you, so you believe you were a liar. This is so wrong. I’d bet my house that they were the problem not you. My parents were the same and basically the root of it was that they didn’t want to believe/ face up to the fact that a family member raped me in my grandmother’s house when I was very little. It must have been so much easier to believe that little children tell tales.
Children were widely disbelieved. It was widely thought that children “tell stories”. Any complaint about an adult was thought to be a lie and the child was punished. Children were thought to be unreliable witnesses so weren’t allowed to testify in court. In some countries adult women are treated exactly the same way to this day!

Umbrellas

Sunglasses

Sun cream

Vitamins

Moisturiser

For some reason I still try and persuade my DM these things could help her.

Trainers (when I was 12 my mum's friend suggested trainers might be a good idea for long country walks, rather than school shoes, and I got my first pair).

Fabric softener

Hair conditioner
(I'm not even going to bother suggesting these to my DM - I'm surprised if she uses washing powder and shampoo).

I don't use fabric softener myself.

I don't use hair conditioner, either.

This is not because my parents didn't believe in them but because I think they're an unnecessary waste of money and harmful to the planet.

Paying for parking anywhere, always having to get a lift in from the other parent or parking half hour walk outside of town to avoid the extortionate parking charges, when we only wanted to pop in to post a letter or some other small errand

Giving hugs

Throwing birthday parties (why should we spend our money on other children?)

Child centred holidays/days out

Having friends round to play (see above) but very happy for me to theirs

Phoning anyone up to see how THEY are were/if they were ok. “I don’t need to ask granny/friend/auntie/cousin anything, why on earth would I phone her?” This has continued - never phone me or their GC

Potentially outing - ending a meal without having a coffee after dessert. I often forget this if hosting them and they sit politely at the table whilst I tidy up until I remember and whip up a full coffee and biscuits round.

ITV - “common”

Anything “American”. TV, music, food, films.

Benefits, community organisations, food banks, litter-picking etc - “socialism/nanny state”

Education after GCSEs - getting above yourself.

Work in the arts or archaeology - “hobbies, not paying jobs”

Personal hygiene was weird. They were very disparaging about people who weren’t clean, would be loudly disgusted if we smelled or looked dirty. But at the same time made it hard for us to wash or shower. “Not now because…”. Someone always sleeping (both worked shifts, younger siblings in bed/napping and might be woken up). Dinner in a minute. About to put the washing machine on. One bathroom for 6 people which would have been fine if we had ever been able to use it! I still struggle with just going to have a shower when I want/need one - I still hover about trying to gauge the perfect moment.

Parenting - the midwife should have made it clearer to DM which of us was the parent and which of us was the child

Fizzy drinks and duvets!

I was 15 when I had my first fizzy drink as my parents never bought them at home and somehow convinced me that they wouldn't taste bloody awful.

It was like drinking the nectar of the Gods and I developed a fizzy drink habit which I had to conceal from my parents.

They also scoffed at duvets when they became the fashion and to this day still use blankets and sheets!

@FictionalCharacter this is sadly very true. There was a teacher at my aunt’s school who was abusing very young girls. They all told their parents at the time, but they all didn’t believe them “who put those thoughts in your head” etc. it took 40 years for him to be put behind bars as the women came forward as adults. As a parent myself I can’t fathom how you could hear your child say this and just shrug it off, surely you would at least look into it. Nope.

that's awful. I'm so sorry you endured that .

I didn't go through anything as bad as rape but there were some incidents that weren't appropriate, and I have as told i was exaggerating them and it's normal for young girls to be touched up by dodgy men sometimes. A 20_minute assault I went through as a teenage involving penetration with fingers was basically rewritten by my dad as "he just pinched your bum, that's normal. " then he yelled at me for being toxic and an attention seeker . Trouble is it wasn't just dodgy men, some of them were family. As for physical abuse that was normal for us and because it was low level (hair pulling, kicks etc for being too noisy or making mistakes in my school work, so basically discipline, in our religion that was normal.

I'm late 40's & many similar to pp's, so - no deodorant, bath twice a week but no more, no make up (would ruin your skin), no skincare (soap & flannel and if you really must, that thick white nivea cream in the blue jar - horrendous on teenage oily skin), no body lotion, no drinks an hour before meals and certainly not with meals (because you'd fill up on water and not eat), no shaving legs (would make the hairs grow back thicker), no sunscreen, no painkillers and avoid medicines in general (to my shame I carried this habit over & was initially reluctant to give my child calpol unless they seemed really bad, but now think why make them suffer if there's something available. My mum also refused to take anti malaria medication when going on holiday to a place where malaria was rife on their last holiday before lockdown). No taxis (dad would drink & drive rather than pay for a taxi). Smacking cures all children's behavioural issues immediately the first time, because its the only thing they understand apparently & it never did them any harm. Also tampons, but towels were ok, & any hobby that wouldn't result in a high wage. I remember drawing as a small child & my mum saying to me you shouldn't spend so much time drawing it won't earn you much money, & me thinking "but I'm 5?!!!" 😂

Some of you had very odd parents! I wonder what children growing up today will consider strange behaviour/ideas from their parents though? I’m sure there’ll never be a perfect parent. All children need to strike out for themselves and figure out their own ideas on how to live as they grow up.

Personally, I find my daughter’s habit of never cleaning or tidying weird, but she probably thinks I’m too clean. I actually hate cleaning so I have a lovely cleaner to do the bulk of it. I can’t let her clean my daughter’s part of the house though because she (cleaner) isn’t very tall and I think she’d get lost in the piles of junk!

@honeybonbon I'm so sorry

Oh, and taxis! My DM still refuses to take a taxi.

We had a list of banned careers too . Social work, mental health work, etc. Anything "liberal" or "worldly." and yeah art and music were hobbies. Being a nurse wasn't good enough had to be a doctor . Being a legal Secretary wasn't good enough had to be solicitor or barrister . Being a teacher was beyond the pale . It's not a proper job and if you do TEFL/ ESL teaching that's just a gap year thing for students not a serious career.

In my mother's case, technology. We were the last people I knew to get an automatic washing machine, and she never has get to grips properly with remote controls. Even with things like her radio she stabs suspiciously at the buttons as if she thinks they're going to electrocute her. We've never bothered to try to get her into using computers, there's just no point.

Depression/Anxiety or any other mental health problems

Tattoos

piercings

Junk food

I’m sure there are more I’m not remembering

Oh, and also new-fangled learning difficulties. She signals her disdain by mispronouncing them as if they were strange complicated foreign words, e.g. dis-kleck-sia.

Women having a career.
Women going to University.
Sex before marriage.

Or paying someone to clean your windows. My mother, though she was busy and worked, spent ages cleaning the outsides with Windolene, leaned out of the upstairs to do those, and my dad climbed ladders into his 70s to clean windows and gutters. Was there something shameful in paying someone to do these things? So odd.

My grandmother (born 1901) didn’t believe in libraries. She said poor people used them and you might catch diphtheria.

Ah yes - social work, anything mental health, teaching. That would have come under busybody-dogooding - a whole other banned jobs category!

Doctors were looked down upon - poncing about with airs and certificates while nurses did the work. Above our station too!

My mother did not believe in buying clothes without growing room.

This meant you either had a brand new outfit that was a few sizes too big, or an outfit that did fit but was now a couple of years old, which I had to fight to keep as I was very skinny & my little sister was normal sized, so the waists of my stuff fit her before they fit me.

She also does not believe in mental health problems, these are apparently all caused by 'nerve trouble' (a phrase that may only be said in hushed terms).

Sun cream ("but it's much harder to tan" yes that's the point)

Dishwashers - they have got one now

Depression

Homosexuality - treated as a lifestyle choice that you didn't have to follow even though they had a gay male friend. Now they have the same attitude to all trans people.