Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

They were right about aspartame.

Argh! I would have to confess that one reason why I don't change mine is that I don't relish the family discussion that would no doubt ensue along the lines of "why didn't you do this years ago?" Mum would probably say exactly what yours did. My hair is no trouble to manage even long, as it's poker-straight and not tangly.

(I've occasionally thought this is a bit perverse of me as I've never really had a "hairstyle" and perhaps something else would suit me, but I don't enjoy going to the hairdresser and rarely do, so I think it would inevitably end up long and straight again!)

It's your hair. The beauty of being an adult is we can have ours how we want.

@Pancakebatter They were right about aspartame.
Yes, we were. It was obvious, some states in the US had it banned from the start. If it's not good enough for them, it's not good enough for us, that was my thinking.

Sorry about the bold, hit the wrong key. Age-related.

It's nasty stuff, that aspartame.

Am feeling generally grateful for my mostly lovely family. However, the mysterious list of disapproval:

Underwired bras (this was probably about Growing Up Too Soon, but I was busty and nobody at school wore non-wired granny bras)

Jeans and denim jackets ("nasty and stiff"), although we were allowed to have them

Hair dyed in any unconvincing colour ("a mistake") or haircuts with layers in them

Anything that would draw attention to us alone, in case something went wrong and we were mortified. So choral singing or orchestra was fine, solo performing was "Why would anyone want to do that?" It wasn't lack of faith in our abilities, so much as a natural distaste for the limelight that my parents shared, and also a perception that Showing Off was to be avoided.

My mother was and is extremely low-maintenance so I have always felt there was something decadent about having your hair dyed, legs waxed, nails done etc. They weren't forbidden, just never came up. I don't do them either but I will let my daughter know there are options.

We also had the very common "we don't need to go to a café, we have food at home," thing which I think was partly budgeting and partly my mother's picky taste in food.

Indeed. I think the irony is, if people hadn't made a big deal out of it when I was younger, I'd probably have felt freer to play around with different looks!

Sorry that was meant to be a reply to @StillHereStillBreathing .

Ah yes, the 'women wear heels' thing. Strange looking around how few women routinely do nowadays. Looking at old footage of even the 80s and before, women tottered round all day every day in skirts, mostly, with high heels or courts. The arse must have fallen out of the 'tan tights' market. My mother had a million pairs, I've never bought one.

Yes hair

Remembering dm made hairdresser cut it short and I hated it. I wanted to keep it long

However: didn't believe in piercing your ears because "if God had meant you to have holes in your earlobes he would have put them there" 😂

My mother said exactly the same. I got mine done on a day trip to the big city but didn't dare do it till I was 16!

As for haircuts. My mother (who had no skill in hairdressing whatsoever) used to cut mine. It was so short I remember telling her not to cut the back of my neck.
Even when I was mortified when a man called for my dad and called me Sonny she carried on doing it. Her excuse? Having short hair as a child means it will be nice and thick when you're an adult 🙄

My grandmother used to say it,I always found it odd because she was an atheist.

TSS was about the tampon being in too long. I don't remember there being a special risk due to age and it didn't say that on the packs imo.
I really think the real anxiety was because they are internal protection.

There was a big scare about tampons in the late 70s which parents of Gen Xers would have been aware of; it was an American tampon particularly called 'Rely' which expanded to some ludicrous size, could be left in for hours and contained some horrible synthetic stuff. There were law suits from women who suffered TSS. AFAIK tampons made from cotton are far safer though I do remember using them in the 80s (remember the PE teacher talk, with stern warnings to change them regularly) but people were still a bit dubious about leaving them in overnight.

Yes, I agree it would get in through sash windows.

Miscarriage: DM didn't know anyone who had had one.

Heavy periods.

ITV

That one wouldn't mind being tall.

Oh no, no no! Bless you, absolutely not the same xx

Omg this. Always just offered my kids milk and water when young, as not to encourage drinking for sweetness or anything when introducing new foods etc. my parents would say “can we just give them squash” or when they’re eating perfectly fine “do they not want ketchup on the side” it’s just adding unnecessary sugar and artificial shite, which they’re not swayed by at a young age and im
attempting to introduce them to a wide flavour range and avoid unnecessary things, would really boil me.
I’m 90s baby, parents ‘59 and ‘62. I think my parents let us eat and drink some total shite because they were sooo deprived as kids and made to go hungry and go without. So I get it. Some of the things I’m reading is really upsetting to me. I’m not a total snowflake but I feel so many children’s needs weren’t met and I just can’t imagine speaking or treating my children like this at all. I worry and probably over think too much but I wouldn’t dream of treating my children the way I’ve read on here and yet so many of you are so forgiving or understanding. There are some really, seriously strong ladies amongst us.

Oh my god 😂

@Blossom19 I agree - compared to many I haven't got much to complain of, had loving parents who were doing their best and yet... the adults of that generation just didn't really see their kids as individuals so much as offshoots of themselves, I think. (Although I've got at least a decade on you.) But some of the stories on here are awful. I work in the social care area and know it to be true but it never gets easier to hear about.

Our parents didn't feed us much junk (I remember having to share cans of coke with my sister because my mother always thought a whole one was far too much to drink in one - or she was trying to save money!) but juice was perceived as healthy back then... it's a lot of free sugar but they didn't see it that way in 1980. They were quite restrictive of biscuits and sweets and things and it slightly backfired because I didn't learn to pace myself and still tend to be unable to refuse treats whether I really want them or not. I'm not as restrictive with my kids for that reason but they have to want it, I'm not offering it willy-nilly.

This probably has a downside too. In twenty years my kids will be posting to say stuff about me, I'm sure!

Filling out the forms for free school meals. 3 weeks I begged her . The school wouldn't even let me have an apple. Passed out.. then got told of for embarrassing her. Result life long eating disorder 😭

The government

Why wouldn't she let you have free school meals?