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Things your parents didn't believe in

1000 replies

Aspergallus · 12/08/2023 11:50

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

OP posts:
catwhite1 · 14/08/2023 11:14

Brittany ferries code? Hi I posted on here recently for a Brittany ferries code which I’ve been sent but now can’t find! Does anyone have a code please 🙏 I’d be very grateful thank you

cousingregroy · 14/08/2023 11:48

Just realised I never went to the hairdresser either
My dad and brother always went every 4-6 weeks but we had to just have trims at home
My mother never went to a professional either

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/08/2023 12:10

My dad didn’t believe in marrying outside of your class or race.
My brother and I did both - and seem to have coped.
Don’t EVER question a GP, they are gods🙄
But apparently our childhood of passive smoking was fine. 🤯

Grantanow · 14/08/2023 12:57

They'll never get to the Moon..........Well, they'll never get to Mars!

GenialHarryGr0ut · 14/08/2023 13:13

Staying in hotels in the UK.

We used to go abroad and stay in hotels but in this country we could only go to places where they had friends so we could stay in their house.

I remember my mother being disappointed when a friend downsized and saying "Oh, now we won't be able to visit X town again or see X again"

I suggested she could still visit and stay in a B&B and meet up with her friend - she was clearly horrified by this and it never happened.

Mymothersfavouritegirl · 14/08/2023 13:58

Bread and butter ( not butter but actually cheap margarine ) with everything - to the point of even having it with sweet treats like peaches with evaporated milk and chocolate biscuit sandwiches, yes really.
I was a wrong un for using tampons instead of the Dr Whites complete with safety pins to attach to the hooks to secure to our nylon knickers! Also one momentous occasion when she let me in late one night after my shift at work, still not allowed a door key of my own! I had dared to eat garlic bread at work hours earlier and boy I got the whole Peter Kay experience of the ‘Garlic bread’ sketch 😆 😆
However I do confess I sometimes open my mouth and my mother pops out! She’s odd but I love her dearly.

Lovesabadboy · 14/08/2023 14:08

Ellemeg82 · 12/08/2023 13:11

Funny a few people mentioning hair conditioner. My mum also wouldn't buy conditioner and I had long thick hair as a child full of knots and tangles and I remember it being brushed and so painful!

My mum would refuse to buy it too!
I distinctly remember going into Boots with her with my birthday gift vouchers and choosing to spend it on some Alberto Balsam conditioner. The packaging said something like 'gets rid of tangles like magic' or some such wording.
My mum then proceeded to take the mickey out of me, to the lady on the till, saying how I believed that this stuff would work like magic and how I was silly to believe it. How she would never buy it...blah, blah...
Well - it actually DID work like magic and the relief of not having my long wavy hair pulled out of my head when being combed through was immense!
This all happened when I was about 8 in around 1974 and it has really stuck with me all these years (I am 55 now). I can still re-live it, in my head, like it was yesterday!

LadyBird1973 · 14/08/2023 14:37

Did anyone else's parents buy condensed milk and let you eat it out of the tin with a spoon?
Does that stuff even exist anymore? I'm surprised I have teeth left. And those awful kola cubes that give you a headache because they we're probably full of tartrazine!

Just remembered another one - my mum didn't believe in recipes. I remember eating slices of rice pudding (like cake)with fondness!

Middleagedmeangirls · 14/08/2023 14:52

I remember when Silvikrin (I think) started to advertise hair shampoo and conditioner in the It was late 60s/early 80s and I would gave bern about 10. It sounded like an absolute miracle product and I simply didn’t believe you could just rub a product into your hair and it would alleviate the nightmare of knots and tangles. How wrong I was. Luckily I was given a free sample at done point and was awoken to the absolute bliss of hair wash days without tears.

sadly for my mum, she absolutely refused to be taken in by the marketing hype and to this day (she is in her 80s) still doesn’t use conditioner. It’s a shame as she has very coarse, curly hair that grows outwards rather than down and conditioner would be a godsend to get.

ChaToilLeam · 14/08/2023 14:56

Conditioner
Bathing or hair washing more than once a week
Buying nice clothes (that were not polyester) or shoes that were not clompy Clarks
Haircuts by a proper hairdresser
Holidays that did not involve camping or visiting relatives

Tampons
Not finishing everything on your plate

Thankfully they have changed their stance on many of these things over the years. They grew up during rationing and had us in the 70s, they hadn’t yet shaken off how they were brought up.

Mothership4two · 14/08/2023 14:57

Did anyone else's parents buy condensed milk and let you eat it out of the tin with a spoon?
Does that stuff even exist anymore?

Yes you can still get it @LadyBird1973 but no way my parents would have let me do that.

Deathraystare · 14/08/2023 15:20

@fullbloom87

Broken things? you mean like the 5 vacuum cleaners mum was very resistant to get rid of when she was 'down sizing'. Good thing she wasn't mobile and I had the job of getting rid of excess hoovers and cardigans!

RaraRachael · 14/08/2023 15:26

@LadyBird1973 I still use condensed milk quite a lot for traybake and fudge type recipes. I must admit to leaving about a centimetre in the the bottom of the tin and eating it with a spoon - one of my guilty pleasures.

My mother wouldn't let us eat cooking chocolate as "it was poisonous". Strangely none of wondered why it miraculously lost its poisonous properties when melted down to put on something she had baked.

We weren't allowed to drink water out of the tap as "Somebody she knew had done it and a worm had crawled out of the tap into their mouth"

sueelleker · 14/08/2023 15:29

RaraRachael ; I've got a recipe for a sweet white bread, with condensed milk in it.

Deathraystare · 14/08/2023 15:33

Mum would never drink water as the fish did their business in it! Hair wash only allowed once a week. Sadly my hair was very greasy so I did that thing where you soak a pair of tights with eau de cologne, put a brush through one leg and brush your hair. No wonder I have a sensitive scalp now! Also ours was one of those households where every kid bathes in the same water - until I complained (as I got in last!). She did not stop me from bathing whilst on a period but came out with the usual old wives tails.

Nolongera · 14/08/2023 15:45

LadyBird1973 · 14/08/2023 14:37

Did anyone else's parents buy condensed milk and let you eat it out of the tin with a spoon?
Does that stuff even exist anymore? I'm surprised I have teeth left. And those awful kola cubes that give you a headache because they we're probably full of tartrazine!

Just remembered another one - my mum didn't believe in recipes. I remember eating slices of rice pudding (like cake)with fondness!

Just bought 2 tins the other day, 95p a tin, for making ice cream.

midlifemaid · 14/08/2023 15:48

Seeleyboo · 12/08/2023 14:34

Having to show my pants to my mum to prove I had my period.

Bath once a week in her water, then my stepfather. Water was disgusting.

Picking my nose would alter my eyes. I have distinctive eyes, and this is why, apparently.

Being allowed my xmas gifts for a day, then they were wrapped and put under the tree till Xmas.

Never ever allowed fruit till Xmas. But it would all be wrapped individually in foil on a foil tray, and no one was allowed to spoil the look. By the time the new year came, it was putrid. The smell I associate Xmas with now is rotten bananas

Not allowed to wear socks or undies in bed, or I would rot my feet and genitals.

I could go on and on. Suffice to say it was a shit childhood.

😕 that sounds tough for you

Pancakebatter · 14/08/2023 15:52

Nolongera · 14/08/2023 15:45

Just bought 2 tins the other day, 95p a tin, for making ice cream.

I remember eating condensed milk out of the tin!

Pancakebatter · 14/08/2023 15:58

AffIt · 14/08/2023 10:50

Reading these posts (some of which are amusingly bonkers, but many of which are genuinely quite heart-breaking tales of abuse and neglect) makes me realise that we got away relatively lightly.

Apart from the hair conditioner thing, which seems to have been oddly wide-spread in the 1980s, the only that was absolutely verboten in our house was Smash. I have no idea why.

The first time I tried it was on going to university and I was kind of underwhelmed, so I don't think I lost out too badly in the grand scheme of things.

My mother used it a lot for quite a while. It was disgusting. She couldn’t cook so found it very useful.

Claricethecat45 · 14/08/2023 16:46

Many things that my parents 'didn't believe in' but more from belief systems rather than anything else.

My grandmother lived with us and somewhat dictated what was OK or not...of course my Mum agreed with it as she had heard it all of her life.

Mainly and this was the 60's, things were divided into 'Common' and 'Not Common'

Common was usually defined as- Long hair on girls, Hairbands particularly plastic Alice Bands were 'vulgar' and any kind of party dress that was 'pink, frilly or chiffony (floaty).

Accordingly, I was given a 'club cut' hair style ( short and neat ) and had a 'party dress' that was the same one for every single party and it was a tartan dress with a gold coloured buckle belt. A 'Liberty bodice' was compulsory with a vest also until I was about 10.
White socks were not OK, mine were fawn or cream coloured or grey. I cannot recall ever wearing a frilly sock apart from 2 occasions being a Bridesmaid.
Shoes were black or brown leather and NO patent shoes as these too were common. How I longed for a shiny pair of red patent shoes...

My brother 3 years older than me was also dictated to like this and he had to wear shorts and shirts, rarely anything else...he even got sent to grammar school at aged 12 in shorts and was so bullied on the first week, it was the only thing that made our mum relent and get him long trousers.

Recall coming home from school to say my teacher was leaving at the end of term 'because she was pregnant' was almost met with being told to wash my mouth out with soap, as it was forbidden and of course very common, to say the word pregnant!

Chewing gum was absolutely forbidden and was the domain of very vulgar people and Americans only! We were allowed one treat a week of chocolate that was meted out - 2 squares, and that was it. Absolutely no common sweets like sherberts or opal fruits. Ice Cream was only vanilla between 2 wafers and only in the summer.

I wasn't allowed Tea to drink until I was about 12! and definitely no coffee - I don't think I drank coffee at home until after I left at 18 and then I was allowed it :) Like others, no one ever drank plain water in our house, but strangely we were allowed bottles of Corona Orange fizzy drink, the bottles of which were returned for pennies. 'Squash' was not encouraged, but PLJ was considered OK at a push. No Ribena as that would turn your teeth red!

Baths were only on a Sunday night and hair wash first over the sink and of course, no conditioner. Sunday night I was allowed to watch Songs of Praise but it was straight to bed after, and TV was only allowed otherwise for one programme an evening, before bed in the week, and then the TV was turned off. Absolutely not allowed it on a Saturday, at all. I was so jealous at not being able to watch 'White Horses' like everyone else did! That also was considered common.

Friends were welcomed at home BUT if they didn't say 'Thank you for having me' before leaving, they would never be allowed to come again and I recall being so anxious in case they didn't that I would actually ask them to say it, just in case. Anyone not thanking was considered exceptionally bad mannered and would be judged accordingly.

As I got older and needed a Bra my Mum would ignore the developing signs and just buy me a bigger vest..eventually, and I was 13, I was taken to a small dress shop and made to take my vest off to be measured naked by these very old women (must have been aged about 40 years!) the embarrassment was awful and being pushed and prodded but I was then provided with one Berlei Teenform Bra in a blue floral design as they had no white ones and I recall it was a 32aa.

Periods were totally ignored and never discussed. When it started, it was a Saturday and I was about to have a riding lesson....my mum was straight on the phone to the riding school and I heard her say 'Clarice wont be coming today as she is growing up very fast' - it was only after that when she gave me a packet of Dr Whites and a horrible belt thing....she told me to help myself from her secret cupboard if I ever needed them again! After that time, it was NEVER again discussed...ever.

My mum did tell my dad about the periods, as I remember he came in and gave me a Pound Note and then said, a bit menacingly, 'now be very careful and make sure you never bring trouble home' That stayed with me, and once I asked my mum what it meant and she told me 'bringing trouble home' meant getting pregnant, I just recall thinking that would be the very worst thing ever, in my life that I could do. I was even a bit nervous telling them, years later that I was pregnant - even being 28 and married!!

In all, I recall not being particularly unhappy as a child but definitely very anxious; I was always reminded that it was me that must not 'overstay my welcome' if I went to other peoples houses, and to always consider that if anyone wasn't kind or friendly to me, it was probably due to ME being annoying or something else that demonstrated some failing on my part.

And lastly, the most important thing overall, was that I never, ever, must tell anyone else about 'what goes on in this house' Nothing bad did, and there were no secrets really that I ever found out or understood what prompted this warning...but it definitely made me feel that I was 'different' to others and had to keep a distance from others out of fear of being 'found out'?

This has been quite cathartic to write down and needless to say I made sure that my own 2 boys had quite a different experience, apart from my slight obsession over quality of shoes and 'Startrights' were standard issue until trainers caught up!

swimlyn · 14/08/2023 17:03

@AffIt
the only that was absolutely verboten in our house was Smash. I have no idea why.

The original Smash, pure cream-coloured powder, we found was quite difficult to mix correctly. There was a later version (not sure if same maker) that was little chunks, possibly freeze dried? That worked well and we’d use it when camping or holidaying with restricted burners available.

MargaretThursday · 14/08/2023 17:11

I've just remembered another quite funny one.
No coloured toilet paper. When I asked why dm said in horrified tones that it might run when you wiped.

Personally, aged 4yo, I wasn't quite sure why that was such an issue. Our toilet was beautiful chocolate brown, so nothing would stain that and no one saw where you wiped anyway. I'm still not quite so sure why that thought was so horrifying.
But it probably was really down to expense again, because you could only buy coloured ones in 4s, whereas we got bigger packets which were no doubt cheaper per roll.

WickedSerious · 14/08/2023 17:17

MargaretThursday · 14/08/2023 17:11

I've just remembered another quite funny one.
No coloured toilet paper. When I asked why dm said in horrified tones that it might run when you wiped.

Personally, aged 4yo, I wasn't quite sure why that was such an issue. Our toilet was beautiful chocolate brown, so nothing would stain that and no one saw where you wiped anyway. I'm still not quite so sure why that thought was so horrifying.
But it probably was really down to expense again, because you could only buy coloured ones in 4s, whereas we got bigger packets which were no doubt cheaper per roll.

When I was nineteen I worked for a woman whose elderly aunt was convinced that coloured toilet paper would give you cancer.

SiliconHeaven · 14/08/2023 17:20

My mum didn’t believe in lunch. If you said you wanted lunch she said you were greedy and there was no need for a third meal in the day.
The reality was that she had eggs, bacon, mushrooms, beans and toast every day when she eventually got out of bed around 10:30.
Me and my brother grabbed a bowl of cereal before school.
but she was never hungry at 12:30, of course, so no one was allowed to be.

CrazyLadie · 14/08/2023 17:24

Wow these make my parents seem totally normal 😅😅

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