Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

My parents were in their late 80s when they died, born in the early 30s, and they were nothing at all like the parents talked about on this thread - even my GPs weren't like that.

Being brought up in the 60s & 70s be like…

Wearing makeup - it will prematurely age you (on the basis that one of my Mum’s friends who happened to wear a lot of make up once had her age misjudged)

Flying - because it is ‘just not safe’. Even when flying became more common, Mum used to take train & boat train (2 day trip) to visit relatives in Europe.

Tumble dryers - they make your white washing go grey

Oxo cubes in family meals - they were only ever used to crumble over the dog’s food

Watching TV in the daytime - I was so jealous of friends who were allowed to watch Thunderbirds on a Sunday morning.

Shampooing twice - Mum was eventually converted when she saw how shinier hair looked after 2 shampoos.

Calling other adults by their first names. My husband once remarked “Why does your mum call her friends ‘Mrs (surname)’ but they all call her (first name)?”

Children wearing black... we weren't allowed to wear black until we were 12...🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine are in their 70s

I condition all my hair. I thought it "waterproofed" your hair ie made it less porous, so is good if, say, you swim a lot, and it replaces your natural oils that make your hair greasy but also protect and condition hair. I also thought it "locked in" coloured hair so it helped shop it fading. Having Googled it there is different advice some saying do all and some only do ends. I'll carry on conditioning it all as that works for me.

@Wonderfulstuff

But some of my friends parents were even weirder. One friend's mum didn't believe in ITV. Apparently watching it would make you common and uncouth.

Very common attitude in the 70's and 80's where I grew up. Fortunately we did watch it, but several friends parents wouldn't have it on. I have a sneaky suspicion that they all probably did in secret after the children were in bed!

@BrindleAbyssinianGuinea2

My dad thought cystitis was only caused by sex and was horrified when I, as a single student had a bad dose of it "what HAVE you been up to, young lady??"

My Mum was similar when I got thrush at I got thrush at 18 (well very suspicious) and was embarrassed that I had been to see the doctor to find out what it was. She was mortified that I had got treatment from the Chemist who was a friend of the family - it was the only chemist in town and actually he was in the back the whole time and didn't see me (not that that matters).

My parents had to heat the water for baths we actually had a bath in the kitchen in the 50s so I grew up used to that. We did wash though! I still don't enjoy showers. Baths are a treat!
My parents were sensible about money..they had very little. They had left school at 14 but were well read and and creative.Hobbies were expected! They weren't racist or bigoted, I was terribly lucky like that.
Mum died when I was 11, dad remarried later.Stepmum was a career lady unlike mum so there were more treats around. And we got a bathroom! She was a good cook too. She was very superstitious which I had not been brought up to be and found hilarious...part of her though ! Sadly stepmum died before I had my first child, still miss her 45 years on. Dad coped pretty well on his own but had to be nagged at not to keep his food hanging around out of the fridge. He wasn't great about that. We didn't even own a fridge until about 1963. It was t that unusual.
Dad was pretty tight with his money which annoyed me at times.I rarely asked for financial help as he didn't think we should buy what we hadn't saved up for.
He managed to save on his pension and when he died aged 90 had quite a lot of savings.I wish I could save on mine...it's a different era though, so many outgoings.
I expect my kids do things a lot different to me. I don't think they think I'm weird but but bothered really!

Conditioner didn't actually exist when I was young.
Mum washed up with Omo washing powder as I don't think Washing up liquid had been invented!
Both those products I also welcomed! Also yogurt.The parents did grow to like that..

I remember having to work very hard to educate my Dad that not only did we (sister and I aged 12 and 13) need shampoo, we needed conditioner too.

He had custody of us both, briefly and this was the first time he had really parented at all, having never done it prior to my Mum leaving (in part working hours, in part not being allowed a bloody look in by her, she was a control freak!)... so taking on two adolescents with really no idea whatsoever, surprising it wasn't a bigger disaster than it was really.

He was convinced that as he (very short hair, balding, super fine hair) could wash his hair with a bar of soap, we (long thick hair, curly in my case) could do the same - we also lived in a hard water area for the first time ever and again he had no clue this would affect hair.

Fortunately a couple of months later, he'd dated a few women with similar aged DD's and he did listen to them about various girl child related stuff and we got deodorants, san-pro, conditioner and shampoo etc. I think also his best friends wife who he'd known since his late teens took him to one side and gave him a bit of a kick up the arse!

Back to mother, the fun police...

Eating in the street - common.
Ankle bracelets - a tart.
Make up - a tart.
Smoking in the street - disgusting (so she smoked in the car with the windows up as poisoning your kids is just fine).

Wanting to do the things our friends did, fancying boys, having friends that weren't children of her friends - all totally unnecessary, we didn't need them/need boys/etc. Ironic really given the way she chased blokes and slept with anyone who would have her and went to great lengths to befriend people she admired!

It's still sticky after it's washed out. Horrible stuff

What sort of shitty conditioner are you buying? Seriously? Or you really must be using it wrong. Or your hair is so dry and porous it’s grabbing at it in a weird way. Your hair shouldn’t feel that way.

Foreign holidays - too expensive (this was the early 70’s)
Surviving parent still doesn’t use technology believing it is responsible for all the bad things happening in society

Tumble dryers - killing the planet using lots of energy. All washing will apparently dry perfectly well on the washing line even in a north east winter.

Direct debit - once had a bad experience in the 1970s so that’s out forever.

Such an interesting thread!

Another one here for hair conditioner and dishwashers! There are probably lots more and I’m enjoying thinking about it.

Tampons were only for married women.
Sex was only for married women.
In fact, anything to do with ' down there ' was only for married women!

@Blossom19 Does conditioner make your head sticky though?

Why not just believe what someone posts? Do you think I have time on my hands to make up lies to post on the internet? Or do you think you have the right to over-rule my lived experience in favour of your own prejudice?

My parents are in their 70s. They did not believe in shampoo at all- waste of money so we used dishwashing liquid. Also had to wash hair under the garden tap in summer rather than the shower. Not sure why to either of those things.

never had clothes bought for me. I have seen another poster on MN write about something really similar. Once I was aged about 10 I had to wear my mothers clothes as she wasn't going to waste money on buying me clothes. I used to go to mufti day at school in a pair of slacks and one of those large sequined shoulder pad shirts that were hers. It was really embarrassing. I find it really hard to buy nice clothes for me.

no haircuts at all. Sometimes a trim. My aunt got sick of this and took me to a hairdresser when I was about 13 then ridiculed me because i asked for just a trim. I wasn't sure what to ask for. Even now my hair is very long and DH cuts it. I can't seem to justify having a hair cut.

I can't recall anything about sanpro or not. Definitely shaving was out. The belief was you would make your hair grow at double the thickness. And shaving ABOVE the knee was only for slags.

Omg! Just realised how ingrained this stuff gets! I’d class myself as a pretty liberal parent but reading this it has just occurred to me that only this weekend I said to my daughter ‘No you don’t need to shave your legs. It will come back worse’. Ffs I shave my legs and is fine!

Baths once a week, due to cost of hot water. My mother only put the boiler on for an hour a day so there was never enough for a bath.
Although we grew our own vegetables we did eat tin pilchards and Fray Bentos Steak and Kidney pie out of a tin. Condensed milk instead of cream.

We were told too much TV would give us Square eyes, but fortunately we did have sun cream and haliborange vitamins.
Eating in the street was considered common, also having ears pierced when too young also common. We all ended up healthy and normal weight. My parents were polar opposites, if it hadn’t have been for my Dutch Mother, I think our upbringing would have been Victorian!

My maternal GF (born in about 1887) was exactly the opposite! My DM and her sister were educated privately and then home-schooled by him (he was very well educated), but the two DBs were sent to a state school. He was determined the girls should get a good education. Of course, they didn't end up using that education to forge a good career for themselves as they got married, had children and became SAHMs!

This reminds me of a funny story. I was born in 1959 and about 14 years ago I made friends with a lovely lady who was born in 1926. We both went to the same school, but obviously at different times, yet we had the same form teacher! The teacher had spent his whole working life at the same school, apart from two years when he was doing his National Service.

Reading these posts (some of which are amusingly bonkers, but many of which are genuinely quite heart-breaking tales of abuse and neglect) makes me realise that we got away relatively lightly.

Apart from the hair conditioner thing, which seems to have been oddly wide-spread in the 1980s, the only that was absolutely verboten in our house was Smash. I have no idea why.

The first time I tried it was on going to university and I was kind of underwhelmed, so I don't think I lost out too badly in the grand scheme of things.

Best before dates
My mum really struggled when we found a jar of ancient pickles in a cupboard which had gone mouldy.

Well you can ignore these as it means the quality of the food is better before this date and there is some wiggle room. Not years though! Use by dates should be adhered to.

Having bedroom windows wide open even in winter.
A friend of mine who was a boarder at Repton told me that in the dormitory all the boy's beds had a window above - always open whatever the season and whatever the weather. Quite often, on waking on a winter's morning the boys would find snow on their beds.
This was supposed to be healthy.
Nobody say anything about "snowflakes" !!!