Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Trivial by comparison with some but..

Having a Bought Windbreak at the beach. We lived by the sea and Windbreaks were for Other People, mostly people who were Tourists (who therefore didn't know better) or not People Like Us. So we just got hypothermia and sand everywhere. But we retained the Moral High Ground so that's OK.

@BogRollBOGOF

I totally forgot about not believing girls could have an appetite. Me and my sister were secret eaters. We were never given enough and were hungry all the time.

I've since read that human beings are more satisfied and driven by protein than other macros (carbs/fat). So when we want a biscuit (because of tasty sugar and carbs) the reason we don't stop eating and can finish a whole packet is because of the tiny amount of protein in each biscuit. If you are eating low protein food, you are always hungry. This was us -low protein beige freezer food in tiny amounts = STARVING.

An odd one but: teaching their children to ride a bike in an achievable way.

My father was obsessed with the idea that your seat needed to so high that your knee was completely locked straight when your foot was on the pedal at the bottom of the rotation. Like actual racers and Olympians do.

Many years later I learnt this was a bollocks idea when I was chatting with a bicycle seller who laughed about a recent customer who insisted on their seat being wacked up that high, and ended up (along with their new bike) in the local canal on their way home. Stupid to do that unless you are a very proficient cyclist, apparently. 😩

The seat was so high of course that while you were learning to balance (or not) you simply just fell over. Quite hard. And bloodily.

We had no choice but to 'learn' like that. Which of course we didn't, and certainly not quickly. There are pictures of me clad in not only a helmet but massive elbow and knee pads which stopped me being able to bend them properly.

My parents recall the day I did eventually learn how to ride a bike, months and maybe years after first attempting it (I was at least 8) and how embarrassingly bad I was at it, as I was unable to stop. Well, no shit Sherlock...

My youngest sister is approaching 30 and still can't ride a bike, as she sort of aged out of being at an acceptable point to still be learning and got self-conscious.

And maybe my parents should have had the self-awareness to realise that maybe... the common denominator here was them.

But no. My sodding parents had the audacity to whinge about how the fact their three DDs were appalling cyclists cramped their ability to go on cycling-cheese-eating family holidays to France. They would huff and puff over holiday brochures about trips they couldn't go on, because of some awful genetic aberration that had prevented them from having children who could ride bikes, but had somehow not affected them at all...

Despite being so intrinsically atrocious at cycling, I managed to teach my 4yo to ride a bike in about 6, 10 minute sessions over a couple of weeks, no problem. I didn't even need to use the plasters, bandages, splints, and alcohol wipes packed specially for the occasion.

My dad turned up to watch him after he had learnt to cycle, and while he at least managed to be impressed by his grandson's achievement, did quiz me on why I hadn't put his seat up to the proper height or put body armour knee and elbow pads onto him?

They will never learn...

@Fingeronthebutton

OP. I’m probably around the age of your mother, 77. I’ve never heard such tosh from any of my friends and family.
Did you live out in the wilds somewhere away from normal life or people.

Well it's tosh that a lot of people here experienced. I didn't mention anything that hasn't been repeated over and over by others (though I'm as surprised by that as everyone else). So I guess my experience was either within the normal spectrum, or we all grew up on the same commune...

Fidelity.

This has been interesting as I thought what mine were-

My DF worked for a pharmaceutical company and did not believe in "own brand" things at all.

It had to be the big brand name or it wasn't real/as good/good at all.

It took me to being an adult to be able to see that ibuprofen was just ibuprofen.

My lovely step father did not believe you should walk on the grass in your front garden-it turned in to a joke with all of my friends who used to shriek "don't walk on the grass" as they approached the front door. Quite sad really.

Squirty cream. I am still furious that I was denied the utter pleasure of squirty cream until I was introduced to it by DH in my mid-20s.

I am so surprised that so many people have shared similar tales of their childhood. It's cathartic and reassuring.

One big take home message for me is that making (a range of good quality and varied) sanitary protection freely available for girls in all educational settings and public buildings is an important equaliser. No matter the day and age, you never know what's going on in someone's home and no girl or woman should be without sanitary protection.

I realise there are a lot of issues raised here, but this one is so easily achievable. Has been happening across Scotland in recent years. Does it happen in E&W?

One of my aunts(mother's eldest sister) put it down to my mother having to get her hair cut because it started falling out after giving birth to me.

Did your dad go to boarding school? My dad did, and he used to be very regimented over what should happen when. eg 11am was coffee time, no matter what you were doing or where you were. Always a "hot drink" *but he meant tea) after lunch, even if it was a roasting hot day. He even disappeared to the toilet at the same time each morning to have a poo! (whether he wanted one or not. Sometimes he was gone AGES, trying for one ) Luckily, he didn't ever used to foist those ideas onto us, he just stuck to them for himself. I used to feel sorry for him as it clearly came from his boarding school, and then national service, rigid schedules and he just couldn't ever see another way.

My MIL looks at like you're a total wierdo if you say "no thankyou" to the offer of a biscuit with a cup of tea. The number of unwanted, forced biscuits I've had to eat over the years when I've had a late breakfast an hour earlier! I stick to my guns now and just laugh if she frowns at me for saying "no thanks, I'm not hungry".

Most of the things mentioned.
One sanitary towel to last a full day, then one for night. No tampons before marriage.
Sex is bad other than to make a baby.
Bullying isn’t real and sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I was badly bullied all through school but they never believed me.
I remember being told I was too old for a hug when I was 10.
We were only allowed to watch Newsround and then the one kids programme that came after it at 5.10pm. So Blue Peter etc. She was horrified by Grange Hill but because it had always been the rule we were allowed to watch it. She would leave the room as it was outrageous.
We couldn’t watch Crackajack however much we begged because it was trash.
No food or drinks between meals other than squash and one biscuit at 11am.
The main meal was served at lunchtime so we only got a sandwich and cake in the evenings. Even when there were no school dinners due to teachers strikes.
No pubs and no meals out.
If you were on the phone you had to leave the lounge door open so she could hear if she chose to. We weren’t allowed to phone out, friends had to phone us.
We had tennis and gym clubs but weren’t allowed swimming lessons.

I'm sorry but I agree with this for a different reason, i mean at a community event for example, my child is not having a paintbrush swooshed around in water touching her face after being on half of belfasts face, snatters tripping them!

Dad didn’t believe in staying faithful if that counts hahahaha 💀

Oh I'm cringing at the thought, they would sometimes be 'visible' under a tightish skirt because they were so thick and poked out!

Hair conditioner was not expensive in the 90s

I recognise so much of my well-meaning but dated in attitude parents from this thread. Are most people’s parents 80+ who are commenting? Because my in laws who are 10 years younger than my parents and born in the late 40s are much more progressive in attitude. Possibly the combination of not living through ww2 and being too young to remember rationing and being teens during the 60s made for a healthier outlook on life to those born before them?

Hot water bottles.....a squash bottle filled with boiling water was sufficient if it burnt you it was your fault for messing around apparently.

Heating the house. You had to freeze if you weren't prepared to sit in front of the calor heater surrounded by damp washing but from 7pm you weren't allowed downstairs even for a drink as she "shouldn't have to see you until morning"

Sanitary products....she used them but there was no reason I could possibly need them and god forbid me if I took one of hers!

A career she didn't deem acceptable which included a proper university and a bsc course, anything else wasn't acceptable.

Food with flavour boiled lentils, boiled pasta and weetabix was pretty much what we lived on

School shoes - bullied and laughed at for having hideous shoes as she wouldn't let me have school shoes

Books for kids my age, even when my ds with additional needs who couldn't read or talk was 4 he was given Harry Potter as postman pat was too common!!

Presents for birthdays or Christmas. She would buy a family gift that was what she wanted and we couldn't use as we weren't even allowed eg a record player!

To talk to anyone who's parents weren't "suitable" because they were above us or below us.

A childhood.... I was cooking cleaning and looking after my baby sibling from age 8 and at that age everything was my job and if I didn't do it then I was selfish.

Being poorly, only she could be poorly anything else was attention seeking and trying to get out of the above jobs!

Counselling, after a serious attempt on ending my life because of the pressure she put on me l was told a Counsellor was just trying to turn me against her!

There are probably lots more!!!

Yes to the shaving thing... apparently I would turn into a goat... and the painkillers.

But some of my friends parents were even weirder. One friend's mum didn't believe in ITV. Apparently watching it would make you common and uncouth. So no count duckular or Fun House for her.

Funny about the granny who didn't do libraries. Mine who was born in the 20s swore she caught impetigo from a library book and never used one again.

My parents,
Another set with a communal deodorant.
We also had a communal hairdryer. Had to queue in a morning as hair had to be washed each morn.
No conditioner, nail polish, make up or moisturiser.
No pocket money.
No choosing own clothes.
No friends.
Looking back I think we were hard up with a dose of pure weirdness from my mother. I never got my own sanitary protection and used her super plus tampons from day one. It was that or nothing.

@TylerL thanks for reminding me of that glorious phrase.
My parents didn't approve of primary school teachers, long hair on anyone, shampoo that wasn't vosene, checking their itching child for nits,girls wearing trousers, nice shoes, women driving, married women working, central heating, immersion heaters, unmarried mothers, colour tv, too much fibre in the diet, women doing sports, cake from shops...
My parents inlaw don't believe in girls with short hair and no ribbons, porridge which gives people big heads, food that isn't fried, paying people for childcare, furniture that isn't second hand, coffee, nice homemade cake, biscuits that aren't rich tea, cleaning baby teeth, flowers in the house or garden, pets,praising people.

TV. We had one briefly when I was young but they were horrified at my younger brother being ‘hypnotised’ bt it so got rid of it. We next got one at age 12. Any programme had to be scrutinised to see if it was ‘suitable’ first. There was very little that was deemed suitable. Coronation Street was considered appalling trash. I once managed to watch a bit of a racy programme which featured sex when my father was upstairs having gone to bed early and my mother was out. I was terrified he would catch me. Every time an ad came on my father would turn off the volume lest we were all subjected to ‘commercialism’.

All comedies were ‘smut’ apart from Fawlty Towers and Dads Army.

Also, my father would talk about other people’s children being ‘deprived’ , so I shouldn’t associate with them. The irony! They didn’t have any friends and didn’t encourage mine. They didn’t talk to neighbours and kept themselves to themselves. It was a very lonely childhood .

I love this post, it's amazing how weird our parents can be, this is more my mum I don't know what my dad's views were other then we couldn't have a video recorder talking the 80s
Mum was - pierced ears, they were for Gypsies ( sorry if offending anyone) &
Brown sauce , thought it was common lol

Breastfeeding, my mum used to say it was perverse!!

It is weird but my mother implemented all of these and more!…but it was a different rule for her