Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

OP. I’m probably around the age of your mother, 77. I’ve never heard such tosh from any of my friends and family.
Did you live out in the wilds somewhere away from normal life or people.

Lots of these are related to cost of fuel, living, hobbies etc, we’re going to be going back to that way of thinking in the U.K. until we get rid of the parasites in charge.

As I said above, I’m 77. My mother was the first person to pluck my eyebrows, dye my hair, manicure my nails, and buy me very good modern clothes.
I never realised there were sooo many odd old people around.

Indeed - conned into what?

I can see them, and if I don't trim them, the ends of my hair get knotty and frizzy and dry and it all tangles more easily. If I do trim them (Which I do myself as I cannot be arsed with hairdressers) then this does not happen.

So where is the con exactly? Who is conning me, no ones benefiting from my knowing about and trimming off my split ends!

Mine was the same and I didn't get pocket money so buying them myself was out of the question.

Not understanding my job. Not getting that I was valued in my job and wasn't about to get the sack, especially if I expressed an opinion different say, to my manager.
Saving money. I understand to a point, my parents were brought up in the war years, but we never stopped at a cafe while out shopping, as 'we can have one when we get home.'
I was scared of the dark as a child but we were not allowed to have the landing light on.
So I wet the bed rather than brave the monsters.
My mother also didn't believe in sunscreen, shop bought cakes (!), talking to neighbours or workmates (letting people know your business), doing anything out of the ordinary.

Mine didn't believe in mental illness - a euphemism for weakness. It means my mum has reached 80 and has suffered with untreated depression for half her life.

They didn't believe in dyslexia - a word people used to try and glorify their stupid children.

They didn't believe in allergies. I was once stung by a bee and swelled up so much I looked like the elephant man and was constantly vomiting. The suggested cure was washing in cold water. Luckily a doctor neighbour popped in, saw what was happening and gave me antihistamines. After that Dad started keeping bees in our back garden.

Don't believe in autism - my nephew (their grandson ) is quite severely autistic. They think he is just naughty - which he can sometimes be but he is definitely also autistic.

For girls (I'm the only girl) They didn't believe in

An education-school was free childcare

Long hair-she used to trim mine with clippers-hairdressers where a waste of money

Birthday and Xmas presents where to be shifted through,anything 'good' was to be taken away and re-gifted as birthday presents for friends

No friends welcome at home-the less friends the better

Dolls,anything pink,doll houses,teddies-any 'girly' toy

Sport

Hobbies (unless she wanted me to do it-my brothers had choices)

Unmarried sex (my brothers could shag who they wanted and where-i had to stay a virgin until I married-i never married so I'm 'the slag')

Women are born to work the washing machine,care for children/parents in their old age and belong only in the kitchen-boys can do what jobs they want to do and should never change a nappy

Tampons-towels that where 15p a packet where the ones she bought for my first period
I went out on my second period and bought the £2 a packet ones-she never bought me san-pro again

Bras-i got two crop tops-that was it

Ditto shampoo,conditioner,soap,shower gel,toothpaste,toothbrush etc-from the age of 11,I had to earn and buy it all myself

Short skirts where for 'slappers' and 'whores' but trousers where 'common' and 'not for women'
A skirt should be knee length

Driving-the only female in the world who should be allowed to drive is herself

A job-ok to have a little job for pin money,when a woman has kids,it's up there with the worst neglect a child can suffer
She worked part time when I was small,now full time

Women should not own a place of their own

Women should not be allowed to vote (she's down that polling Station,vote in hand every bloody time-she votes tory)

Women are the property of their husbands (not her of course)

Pnd doesn't exist (she had it after all her births) but I was a failure for having it twice

Women should breast feed or they are not real mothers

If you miscarry,your a 'failure as a woman as you didn't want the baby badly enough'

The cheapest of everything from plastic shoes that fell apart after a week,to kwik save basics food-if it was free,all the better
The money was there,she just didn't want to spend it on anyone but herself

Possibly many more-she can't understand why I'm nc with her and is horrified that I brought my own children up so differently

Thank fuck for womens magazines that taught me she's full of bollocks

Shaving especially armpits, my school blouses used to stink of BO as I only had two which were washed at the weekend I spent some evenings scrubbing them at the armpits with soap. DM had no concept of personal hygeine. I had to spend my pocket money on sanitary products.
Doing most things - always met with "what do you want to do that for ?"
Never encouraged us to aim high.
Education - didnt encourage us or seem pleased with our academic achievements.

Television!
Squash
Pierced ears
White bread

Just remembered the worst one. As part of not believing in Mental illness she didn't believe in anorexia. Not even when my daughter developed it at age 20 and had to leave uni and come home.

DD loved her granny and wrote to her saying she wanted to see her regularly but please would granny not to talk to DD about food as it was upsetting for her. My mum would follow this rule when i was around but if I wasn't there she would pounce on DD asking her how she kept so thin and asking for diet hints.

That was the nail in the coffin of their previously good relationship - It's been 15 years and DD has been in recovery for a long time but she avoids being on her own with my mum. I still see mum because she is elderly and frail and needs me but I don't trust her one inch.

Drinking water with a meal.
watching ITV

Well weird or not, all of the above from my aunt and her parents (my grandparents on that side)!
Also chiming In for the Uni one - my dad also thought it was a total waste of time and I will have no job at the end of it. He would have wanted me to chose a vocation with manual skill involved. Somehow he neglected to notice I had no obvious gift for those 🤣

Education after highschool

Women having careers or even jobs. The only jobs we were allowed to have was a secretary, nurse, or hairdresser.

To be fair before covid I wouldn't use a card for transactions less than £5 and got really irritated if I had to, eg because a self-serve till only took cards and the (wo)manned till was too busy. Covid cured me of that though.

Another child of the 80s here:

Holidays. An extravagance - my Mum is horrified by any type of travel to this day and doesn’t see the point.

Pasta. My Dad refused to acknowledge it as a foodstuff.

Anything other than a full roast every Sunday. We could be sweltering in a midsummer heatwave and Mum would still be martyring herself over the oven.

Removal of body hair. Mum screamed ‘how could you’ the first time I shaved my legs. Something about it growing back with ‘double the follicles’?!

Adult hobbies. Anyone leaving the house alone for any purpose other than work was definitely having an affair. This was especially true of exercise.

Dinner parties. Something that other people did. May be linked to swinging - see hobbies, above.

Duvets. Not clean because you couldn’t put the whole thing in the washing machine.

Microwaves. Banned after my aunt’s ill-judged decision to cook Xmas pudding in her new one, Xmas 1985. Was deemed ‘bloody awful’.

God that's so weird!

My friend who lived next door told me that when you bought a pack of playing cards, you had to burn the Jokers as they represented the Devil (apparently her parents did this.) We did this in the fireplace with the pack I'd just got and ran outside to see the smoke and convinced ourselves that the face of the Devil was appearing in it. Generally speaking, the 70s were a time when a lot of people were scared witless of the occult and and Satanism, I blame all those films about it!

I'm at least a generation older than most of the women posting on here. I thought that most of the things that happened to me growing up were as a result of having a stepmother who hated me.
Whilst that's true to some extent' I think she was just normal for her generation.
I actually feel a lot better about things now' knowing I'm not the only one
I'm seeing my kids next weekend and will remember to ask them about their childhood - I hope they think it was as good as I tried to make it - Much overcompensating though' I think!!

That children can say no to hugs or kisses from adults without being considered bad manner or impoliteGod, how many times I died inside as I was forced to give a creepy neighbourthat they didn't even like as adultsa kiss or a hug. Bleurgh. I am so sorry for those of us who experienced much much worse
Yes to this. I didn't like my uncle (aunt's husband) He was never inappropriate, just a loud-mouthed know-it-all. It was such a relief when I grew up, and realised I wasn't actually compelled to like/love him.

This.. there was no social media to tell you how to use/apply care products. I had no idea if you put conditioner on wet or dry hair, putting something on to wash it out unless it was shampoo didn't make sense 😆 Remember hair mousse? No idea how to use it and no-one to ask.

These things generally have instructions on the packaging. I'm sure I was using conditioner in the late 70s, and no-one had to tell me how to use it. What sort of a world have we become if we can't do anything without social media instructing us?

What on earth.. that is just abusive.

Parents didn't believe in bothering the Doctor for, well, almost anything.
The smell of TCP makes me heave. I had to gargle dilute TCP for my frequent laryngitis.
Plates had to be cleared, because of the starving children in Africa.
Shoes must be durable and black.
Travel sickness tablets were unecessary as 'it was all in my head.' Lucky for me, ddog was travel sick and got given tablets. So finaly I was bought some of my own.
NHS glasses were perfectly fine. Anything else would make me vain.
Home made clothes were 'much nicer' than shop bought.
Gift shops and ice creams etc were a waste of money.
Jeans were for boys.
Prostitutes dyed their hair. And also wore ankle bracelets.

My dd have had a very different childhood.

Drinks with meals - not allowed (for children) as we would fill up on our drink (which would be water or very weak squash) and not want our meal. This based on zero evidence whatsoever of course...

I almost certainly had my sliding hiatus hernia from a v young age, I could not swallow dry food, I left a lot of meals half eaten as I could only have a drink once I'd finished (this is at total odds of course to the other rule which was to clear your plate as you'd get it again at the next meal if you did not... Mealtimes were traumatic to say the least.

Bras - she hadn't needed a bra at 9 years old and could and did go braless at her then age of 45, therefore I did not need a bra.

I did need a bra, by 10, before leaving primary school I had C cup boobs and eventually, in the second year of secondary my head of year had to write to my mum and INSIST i wore a bra as you could see my massive (by then DD) norks and nips through my shirt (I had taken to wearing a tshirt under my shirt because of this but that wasn't allowed per uniform rules!)

She grudgingly gave me one of hers. The fact she and I had totally different sized and shaped bodies was absolutely not a thing. It was also a dark chocolate brown so showed through my shirt.

The mood when the letter came from school again, that I needed a WHITE bra, not a dark coloured one... as if Id engineered it on purpose! I was hauled round the local market and furnished with two awful white nylon lacy things that scratched and itched adn rubbed me raw. Job done and I didn't get another bra for another four years!

@Gnomegnomegnome
I would agree only in my case it was just me, the other kid was worth it.

More 'lightheartedly' my parents didn't believe in socialising at all (they never once had a friend in the house my whole childhood, either of them)
They didnt' believe that women / girls were equal to men / boys.
They didn't belive in CSA either :(

@WickedSerious Crazy looking back on it now. I'd forgotten about the rats tails comments too. Why be so horrible to your own child?. She once cut my own daughters fringe, took it upon herself. Never seen anything like this hatchet job. My then husband went mental quite rightly so.