Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

I cringe when people talk of the "good old days".

Women were treated appallingly.

I married in 1985 to a man who was a monster. I was raped repeatedly.
I spoke to the police but they told me no crime was being committed.

DM didn't believe in PE kit. I had the uniform I needed (well after the first week, who'd a thunk that all 11-12 blazers in town might sell out by the last day of August), but never had a full, correct PE kit because DM didn't like PE so therefore it wasn't important and she didn't want to spend money on it if there was something around that could be fudged. I got away with the shorts from my previous school rather than the gym knickers, but I'm amazed I didn't get in trouble for the pastel coloured polo shirt hand-me-down from DB instead of white.
When we went to the y11 uniform of sweatshirt and polo, I was still in the collar shirts that had been bought with growing room in y7.

Stopping growing in the teen years was somewhat of a problem as I failed to grow into the growing room, and I was still expected to like and use the "perfectly good" things I had that fitted at 16 that were bought when I was 12. Especially the winter coat. I did not wear a coat at 15, such were the extent of my feelings about the childish coat that being cold and wet were preferable to wearing it.

I know she was strongly shaped by her war time childhood, rationing and not encountering abundance until well into her adult years, but this was also a trait of not valuing what wasn't of importance to her. She would spend if it was something that appealed to her. Treatment of siblings has been affected by their sex and how closely they align with what she likes. Boys came off better as they weren't expected to be replicas of her. No PE/ sports kit shortage there!

She also didn't believe in Australian soaps, teenage girls with hearty appetites (I used to secretly eat after dinner to fill up but fortunately haven't developed disordered habits in adulthood), age appropriate bedtimes based on how much sleep was actually needed (she very much believed in early bedtimes and adult time while I lay bored for hours, banned from reading with the light on or cracks of light as I'd damage my eyes). Oh and a repeat of tampon and shaving themes- again if she hadn't needed it at that age, it was not required.
In recent decades she has not believed in the internet/ mobile phones and relies on DB and her friends to organise her life.

I'm sure I'm messing my children up in entirely different ways, but they do have what they need and are listened to and given space to be themselves. I know they'll moan about the parental controls app, but they're not banned from things on a whim and the boundaries are age-appropriate and discussed with them.

Yes, as I mentioned, I learned so much from girls' and women's magazines. Some of it might be outdated now, but it was often useful information.

For all my parents quirks, this thread has made me very thankful for my upbringing.
My parents were joyful, even if they were a bit clueless about some things.
When money was tight, they took us to loads of free places so we could still have fun (lucky to have been a kid in London, with everything it had to offer that was free). My childhood is full of memories of museums and parks and going swimming or on interesting walks! If we were caught out in the rain, instead of being miserable they'd have competitions to see if we could jump in and out of puddles without getting wet!
They went without so we could have good things. Christmas was magical. There was always ice magic and cake in our house - my dad had a deprived childhood so let us eat what we wanted, he didn't care as long as we ate.
They always listened and believed us if we told them someone had been mean to us. And they dealt with it! They were on our side.

I think I can forgive them for insisting stuffed hearts/liver and bacon was an acceptable dinner. Or not having a clue about fashion on non uniform days!

Wow. I thought my parents were weird.

Yeah, I thought that for most of the nineties, till I discovered the internet ;-)

My mother scoffed at women who needed stitches after giving birth. "Piece of nonsense" she would declare "Never needed them in my day. I just popped them out". When I pointed out that my 9 and a half pound son was more than twice the weight of my 4 pound sister, I just got a hmph.

She was terrible for dismissing things that she'd found easy. All these women making a fuss about the menopause- another piece of nonsense.

@BogRollBOGOF My mother was the same - I never ever had a PE kit. I used to dread PE every week, because all the other girls would have beautiful kit with their sown name tags in (another thing she didn't believe in) and I'd have to get mine from the cast off bin and get told off...every single fucking week!

I was too embarrassed to tell the PE teacher my mother point blank refused to buy the kit as she didn't believe in girls doing sports...boys did sports, girls did home economics because they weren't going to have careers, only a 'little job' until they got married, knocked out 3 children within 5 years and then their husband would financially support them for the rest of their lives...

Some weeks when I really couldn't face getting bollocked yet again I'd forge a letter saying I was ill. Luckily my cursive handwriting is identical to hers and back in the 70s/80s teachers never followed notes from parents up! My parents never attended parent/teacher evenings either.

My mother was born in 1941, I was born in 1968. To this day she still thinks women working when they are married - let alone have children - is terrible. She firmly believes that married women don't want to work and the ones that do are 'forced' to do so by their husbands.

For me it would just be love, hugs, and general kindness to children. 😥

Periods, my mum was fuming that I started my period just after I turned 12, then told me once I had kids period pains would magically disappear erm nope had kids & have really bad periods & period pains.

Depression again my mum doesn’t believe in it, her mum my lovely grandmother died at an early age, she bought me up & my mother didn’t have depression so why should anyone else? Especially post natal depression doesn’t exist it’s just lazy mothers not filling their day up (her words not mine) I hid my PND.

Kids before marriage she made me get married to my DD father when I was 18 (had DD at 16) that was another topic altogether, didn’t help me one bit, told me i
made my bed I will lie in it, never called my DD by her name just called her baby or child.

Don’t speak to my parents anymore because my dad just goes along with what my mum says for an easy life.

I had really thick hair and the hairdresser believe that having layers would make it manageable and along with the lack of hair conditioner I wasn’t a popular kid!!

sun protection, at best spf 6 followed by ‘once your skin is used it the sun’, baby oil!!

mind baffling when I know my brother went into hospital as a baby with sunburn!! Wtf

I’d you pinch more than an inch then you’re obese… Led me to be on diets since I was 9. I became bulimic and sister anorexic! When I look at kids today we had no problems at all.

diets always started Mondays, you mustn’t waste food, could eat all you like on holiday 🤯 still battling the contradictions today! Age 50

all kids shared a bath, 2 at at a time (4)

heating… I clearly remember the icicles hanging on the inside of the window

good food! Tied my first proper steak aged 20. Ate liver & kidney & weird curry’s that would t resemble an actual curry that we know todays 🤢

waiting for the made cow disease to kick in as definitely ate cheap beef cuts

tbf we didn’t have much money as it was a time when mortgages were 15%… yes 15%!! We ain’t seen nothing yet!

not got advised by mother about periods ever!! Dad briefly mentioned it at our bedtime story time, aged 8!

mother wouldn’t do anything (& still doesn’t) that her father wouldn’t do. He apparently was the font of all knowledge known to man! 🙄

Periods were never discussed or explained. But apparently eating too many fish fingers or sausages would result in your periods starting early. So there was always a bit of shame when I asked for more fish fingers or sausages - I had no idea what periods even were!

Was expected to use mums period pads when I did start. No discussion. Just use these.

Bras were never discussed too despite me needing them. Too shameful to ask, thus stealing them was the only way!

Wearing figure hugging clothes would result in dogs chasing you. She meant men. It was basically body shaming and has given me low self esteem ever since.

No makeup. Simple girls are best. Girls wearing makeup were basically sluts and asking for it.

girls wearing short skirts were also sluts and asking for it.

No hair cutting. Forbidden for girls but ok for boys.

No shaving.

No doing anything westerners did. Such as going to friends house.

Cinema was forbidden again but only for girls, not boys.

No career aspirations or expectations for girls. Only boys needed this.

Girls belonged to their future in laws and were only temporary daughters till they got married.

Everyone else’s kids were better.

so many sexist and hypocritical things but if I brought up now, 50 years later, it never happened!

mid 70s to mid 80s here, money was really really tight, even with both parents working, one new set school uniform per year as part of Xmas present, could choose one new outfit for present also, very basic food, bulked out with whatever we could grow or dad bought cheap on the docks, no double glazing ice on inside windows in winter, little four bar gas fire thing in lounge, ONLY allowed one bar on for one hour a day in evening when dad came home, never allowed to eat outside of set mealtimes, school lunches were cheap corned beef or brisket ( wish corned beef was that cheap now, miss it but not paying 6 pounds for a tiny tiny tin!) cardboard liners when shoes developed holes, lots of mending and making do, I think most of our gifts xmas and birthdays were second hand. I remember always being yelled at for leaving lights/water on, and this was with two adults working full time and we lived in a council house. Weekends spent walking in the country lanes picking whatever was in season, or on the beach digging up cockles and ragworms to sell. It saddens me greatly that my son is now living in similar conditions to my childhood, he wasn't till a couple years ago, but as we all know prices for everything went south real fast and wages vainished almost as fast.Legal minimum wage rises for low incomers is a bit of a con, I know lots of employers simply gave less hours per week but expected same output to get round this. The unpaid overtime, like staying past closing time unpaid to clean down pubs, kitchens shops etc, is now a real thing again. Say anything and you lose your job. So please have a little forgiveness for some of your parents, I suspect a fair few had little choice back then!

The one career for life is my parents. I have quite a good job now and my dad constantly brings up that I must regret not having this job years ago. I don’t really as I did a lot of travelling in my 20s and if I had this job I might have quit for something else. I don’t know why you’d continually bring it up that he wants me to be full of regret.

Another few

not being able to sleep in the day.
no pyjamas on in the day, no blankets/duvets downstairs.

My mum told me to never trust a man with a moustache!!! I believed her for years!!!

Also apparently the moon landing was fake!

My mum believed that one packet of 12 sanitary towels was enough each month. I suffered from heavy periods as a teenager yet she never thought to buy me more. I would wear the same one all day at school and worry myself sick that my skirt would get stained.

That’s just awful. I’m so sorry you had to endure such cruelty. 💐

Kids being in the house.
We were thrown in the garden and door locked.
If we weren't at school that meant being put out early morning and we couldn't go back in until dinner time.
If we were lucky we might get lunch passed out to us but if she fell asleep, tough

Throwing anything away. Dining room and conservatory were stuffed full, just a small space to pull out chairs in dining room and a path to the back door in the conservatory since you never knew when you might need something.

Washing on your period. I still feel guilty hopping in the shower when I'm on and have to put a flannel between my legs as soon as I switch the shower off in case blood gets anywhere...... Had to sit on a towel at all times growing up in case I might accidentally get blood on something

Dh is a different generation from me (70 to my 49) and believes strongly that sweat does not smell if you are clean so deodorant is unnecessary. He does shower twice a day and never smells to my knowledge.

he also thinks wasting food is the last word in immorality and so will scrape mould off things and still declare them fine. Thankfully he is vegetarian so manages to poison himself less than he used to.

bubble bath
pre prepared vegetables
fabric conditioner
hair conditioner
chocolate biscuits
any ice cream other than vanilla
wasting food especially left over meat from the sunday joint
Any food left on your plate
snacks between meals other than fruit
kitchen roll
ready meals

theres probably more but that's what I can think of to start with !!

never throw bread onto an open fire.
It represented the body of Christ and was immoral to do that.

Going to university. Too expensive.

my mum still firmly believes that getting out of breath is really dangerous. Instead of being vital to improve fitness. Took me fat to long to realise that was bollox.

I find myself in agreement with your parents on quite a few things!
I never use fabric softener (I don't like the greasy feel it gives to fabrics, nor the strong artificial "perfume").
I only use the tumble dryer about 3 times a year.
I don't approve of snacks and I think that using food as a "treat" is ill-advised, as it can lead to self-soothing with food, a slippery slope ime.
I quite like liver and onions and I love tinned pilchards!

Mine didn't believe in fidelity so used to bring their friends over to 'wifeswap' as they charmingly called it whilst leaving us to entertain whatever kids they'd brought with them.