Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

er, no. Conditioner should be used differently to shampoo. How do people not know this?

Learning about hair and basic skincare was what Jackie magazine was for.

I wasn't allowed to have magazines and never really learned about hair and make up. I'm in my late 60s and have long, thick, healthy hair (conditioner all over since I was 18).

I read a facsimile copy of 'Jackie' quite recently which I read as a teenager, and I was shocked by how low they encouraged girls to aim. It had the most horrible patronising tone and basically seemed to paint females as a hormonal mess, with photo stories of the most miserable looking girls mooning over boys. Didn't seem to mention careers, higher education etc at all.

That was actually an invaluable source of information for me. I learned such a lot. My mother never gave me any information or help with make up or skincare at all. I used Immac on my eyebrows at 14 ( before I started reading it).

Sex before marriage.
Living together before marriage.
Sex education.
’Mixed marriages.’
Gay marriage.
Gay people being allowed to adopt.

It’s totally outmoded but was useful in the early 80s.

Teenage girls aren’t interested in careers generally. They are interested in how they look and getting a boyfriend.

Anne French cleansing milk was deemed essential!

Not my experience.

Drinks with meals
tampons
skincare (other than soap)
passive smoking dangers
education / reading generally - definitely anti university!
Men doing housework or childcare
Girls doing sport other than for weightloss
Using the toilet at night
’liberal parenting’ I.e not completely dominating your children physically and emotionally.
Privacy
Abortion
dishwashers
Multiculturalism
Sex education in schools
Girl/boy friendships
Non manual jobs
global warming
evolution -just a theory apparently!
science generally
the opinion of drs

you would probably get the impression that they were religious from the examples above but they actually aren’t, which just makes some of their opinion seem even more batshit!

@Sueveneers FFS! I know what conditioner is, I know how to use it, I know how to wash my hair, I know to rinse it.
I can wipe my own bum, too. I'm pretty much down with all that basic personal hygiene shit.
Thanks for the tip, though!
😂😂😂

It's still sticky after it's washed out. Horrible stuff.

In other news:
Jackie mag was where you got your photos of David Bowie. Was it Jackie with the centrefold posters? Three parts of Marc Bolan. He went on the wall by the door.

This post has turned into a conditioner debate 😂 my mother never bought it eithet

also pp no drinks with meals no bread and butter with meals no whispering or laughing with siblings it meant you were plotting against her 😂

Oh, I forgot also:

holding babies
breastfeeding
bathroom bins

@speakout me too (trace generational trauma back).

Someone else has commented about attitudes to sex and marital rape - absolutely true. Marital rape was legal until the early 90s! People talk about how sexual abuse used to be considered normal and it really was.

If we can step outside our own experiences and look at these beliefs in the context of society/culture/science/poverty/trauma at the time, they make more sense. Obviously, it does not excuse the abuse and neglect so many have received.

Someone also mentioned what articles were about certain new things like microwaves when they come out. I bet there were more concerns than we realise! Someone told me we've know about microplastics for years but it's only recently most of us have become aware.

Re eyebrows - I have several friends who now have theirs microwaved because they overplucked in the 90s so much they never grew back! For those whose mothers were young in the 20s & 30s, I bet this was true for some of them too!

Yes Jackie always had a centrefold!

I'm not dissing it entirely and god knows the problem page must have been invaluable for girls whose mothers refused to discuss things, but re-reading it I find the lack of focus on life ahead a bit uncomfortable, almost as if you'll just get some little job and a man will keep you. I also find it weird as most comics aimed at younger girls had real kick-ass feisty characters!

Yes, that's it, quick touch! My mum put that on my thick curly hair. I think it had a rose fragrance if i remember rightly.

Yes I know people who have had this happen. I remember a school dinner lady telling me she drew hers on every day because plucked them so much they never grew back!

Holding babies? She didn’t believe in holding babies? 😟

Oh God yes. Awful things.

Obviously I meant microBLADED not microwaved 😂😂

My DM was another fan of short hair. I looked like a boy until I was well into my teens. I didn't have my hair cut by a hairdresser until I was about 14 as hairdressers were deemed frivolous for children. My hair was only ever cut (badly) by mum. My own DC were taken to the hairdresser from around the age of 2 as I was determined not to inflict similar terrible haircuts on them.

Sadly a man demanding sex every night was just one of those things that were acceptable back in the day.

The Dr White's sanitary towels were like having a pillow between your legs. An absolute nightmare when you were doing PE in tight navy shorts in front of boys. Honestly the nightmares we had to endure. To get rid of said items, I was told to wrap them up in a plastic bag and then put them out for the bin. Every month without fail by dad would comment that I had a "parcel" waiting for the bin.

With my mother, leisure time didn't exist. Every minute of every day had to be spent in doing something useful. Her friend used to like to read or do puzzles but she was a lazy fat cow who sat on her arse all day.

If having her for a mother taught me anything, it was to do the exact opposite. My two (33 and 29) said what a great upbringing they'd had and talked fondly of things I'd done with them and places we'd been too,

I got my hair cut at 15 for the first time. I don’t know where I got the money as I didn’t have any until I got a Saturday job. When I got home, so proud and happy, my father said ‘you look like a whore.’