Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

"No it goes on your head because the hair is on the scalp. But you rinse it out thoroughly just as you do shampoo."

No, you usually apply conditioner to the ends only, not to the roots.

"This.. there was no social media to tell you how to use/apply care products. I had no idea if you put conditioner on wet or dry hair, putting something on to wash it out unless it was shampoo didn't make sense 😆 Remember hair mousse? No idea how to use it and no-one to ask."

There were magazines for girls and women. We used to try to read them for free in the shop until we got chucked out.
I realise that a lot of my ideas still come from these eg I put body lotion on after every shower on damp skin and was surprised that many/most women don't do this.

"Looking at old ciné footage I can see clothes handed back and forth between cousins,"

My cousins were a decade older than me so I had 70s clothes in the 80s and some clothes bought from jumble sales. New clothes would be maybe one thing a year at Christmas. I'm still very bitter about this. The anxiety around any school trip or wear your own clothes day was horrible.

Properly fitted shoes are really important @Whyishewearingasombero. I learned that when my son needed new school shoes during lockdown - bloody shoe shops shut, that should never have been allowed. I got him a pair from Tesco and a few weeks later he was complaining of foot pain. I also wrecked my own feet with a terrible pair of boots from Tesco during the winter lockdown. I walked in them a lot and within a couple of weeks my heels were absolutely hobbled!

@Whyishewearingasombero I'm watching out for the post that says:
Having long hair before age 11 as a shorter cut was necessary for hair to grow thick.
Supermarket sandwiches containing salad (listeria risk!)
Frilly dresses. (Clothing should be practical and not reinforce gender roles)
Blackpool (camping in Wales, so much better for you)
Resturant desserts (could have bought a gateau from the supermarket that would do us all for the price of an ice cream in here. The fact that we hadn't was irrelevant)
Pokemon (can't remember why)
Because that will be my DD.😂

@5128gap

Thought so. 😉

I use the pink Boots Curl Crème, which is pretty similar. I just wished it smelled the same.

I actually try to convince myself that it does.

My mother didn't believe in -

Mental health issues - "Depression? What's she got to be depressed about?"

Parents who gave their daughters nice hairstyles - I was often mistaken for a boy as mine was so short. She usually cut it herself. My friend had lovely long hair in pony tails etc but that was because her mother had too much time on her hands.

Drying washing indoors - Washing was hung out every day even though it was obvious it was going to rain, Then we'd be busy doing something later and she'd be shouting "My washing, my washing" and we'd have to immediately drop what we were doing to run outside to help take the washing in.

Facts of life - When I was about 11 a pack of monstrous sanitary towels - and a sanitary belt (early 70s) was put in my bottom drawer "For when you need them". No further explanation was given as to what they were and why I would need then.

Sex - Was dirty and a chore as apparently my father demanded it every night as it was part of their marriage vows.

It's a miracle I grew up normal having her for a mother

Your mum does sound like hard work, I totally agree.

But, i actually feel very sorry for her because of how her husband treated her.
That's sexual abuse.

My mum said tampons were for after you were married only!
I bought my own and hid them as soon as I could.

Vegetables- my dad hated them so it was only tinned sweetcorn as my brother ate that. I believed I would hate vegetables for years until I could do my own cooking.

Gravy was a dissolved oxo cube in water so I believed I hated gravy for years too.

Other people/ friends- my dad believed we only needed each other and other people were not to be trusted.
I had friends at school etc but my parents had none and we were always told they were just using us for something by our friends.

Board games / card games
Dad hated them so we never played

Christ this makes me realise just how controlling my dad was .

Marital rape - because that's what unwanted sex is - was perfectly legal in the 70s and 80s. Many men didn't 'believe' in consent, or assumed consent was written into the marriage vows, ensuring them unfettered, uncontested access to their wives' bodies.

Some things have very much changed for the better.

Long hair- it was frivolous and silly. Short back and sides for all the children in our house
Shop cake - it was for lazy people
Sliced bread - considered to be not bread at all
There were a lot more but they spring to mind immediately

Absolutely not true. 'work from the roots to the tips' as is said on many conditioning bottles. I've never known anyone who only does the ends, that's self-defeating as one of the points of hair conditioner is to strengthen the hair 'from scalp to tips'. It's to make healthy the hair that is growing from the scalp. No point putting it on the ends, when it's all about strengthening your hair over all.

And that's before we even get into the topic of deep conditioner treatments you get done at the hairdressers, or the deep treatments/hair masks you buy at supermarkets. The whole point is the strengthen the hair at it's base.

I've never bothered with conditioner except when the children had headlice. I can see how it makes it a lot easier to comb the hair, but mine is dead straight and not actually difficult to brush and comb. Isn't the only bit of the hair the follicle, which is under the scalp? What good can it do to apply anything to dead tissue?

@Aspergallus How did they take it when you went to university?
I vividly remember driving myself off to university. It was a sense of relief and utter freedom from a miserable household full of shouting and bad moods. It felt like being able to breathe fresh air.

Toilet stops on long journies!!

@RaraRachael You must be about my age. Dr White's looped sanitary towels and those horrible sanitary belts!

@FictionalCharacter It was hard, they made their disapproval and resentment clear throughout. Having to rely on them to complete grant forms on time etc was a huge source of stress. They were also really negative about my progress, "you'll fail the next exam, the next one will catch you out" which was weird because they never knew anything about my academic progress at school or uni. They didn't really ask or get involved yet made these proclamations. (Actually, though I never did amazing at uni, I never failed an exam, never had a resit).

They voiced their resentment to family members and that got quite toxic for a while with people I cared about being told tales about me living it up, selfishly, at their expense. (The narrative was always about how selfish I am). I gradually saw less and less of them. From popping back in the vacations in the first year or two, I just started staying with friends, boyfriends etc after that and gradually saw as little of them as possible. It was a long course -6 years, and it probably took until the end for me to really feel free of the dogma from my home-life.

At the end there was a sudden about turn. They wanted to tell everyone about what I'd achieved, announcement in the local paper etc. I didn't give permission for the latter.

@Aspergallus that's awful. Well done on your hard-earned eventual escape.

Sorry if TMI
If you didn't go for a poo first thing in the morning everyday something was wrong and you shouldn't do it at any other time.
(On Christmas Day no presents were allowed to be opened until we all were dressed and had done a poo) I never thought of lying.
Even now (I am 51) if I have to go at other times of the day I feel bad / guilty?!

So many of these resonate with me
Particularly the ones about tampons and periods
I'm a child of the mid 70's

I have put this on before
My mum didn't (and still doesn't) believe women should have long hair after 30 / dye their hair
Over the years she regularly asks me when I am getting my hair cut - now she will ask my DD when as she knows I will ignore the question.
She often points out a woman with long hair and say they look like a witch or comment that a woman with dyed hair looks ridiculous
My hair is both long and dyed!

In lockdown I (naively) got her to trim my hair - she started at the back (now I know why) - and chopped off about 6inches - into a Bob She couldn't stop laughing

At least those of us with greasy roots are advised to only put it on the ends.
The shampoo bottle says to shampoo twice, but I don't do that either.

Just done a quick google search and the directions that come up back up my opinion - apply to the ends only.

@FictionalCharacter thank you.