Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

I was going to say the same thing. You can over-analyse things and talking doesnt change anything, although the current trend is to talk it out. Although your DF probably felt awkward and didn't know what to say so was making excuses.

"They made me see a psychiatrist who said I was a mostly happy child with obviously loving parents. I don't know how she got that impression. I mean I don't have memories of this except i was told this by my parents years later."

Maybe they lied then. Could you ask for the records?

@GenieGenealogy sorry I should have credited you in the first post! But look at what your comment started...

I don't know if it's still on records this was 1987ish, so a long time for them to be kept. It does contradict other medical evidence that proved I had quite severe emotional issues from a young age and also contradicts the testimony of those who knew me

My mother hated long hair. Mine was cut in a boys style, all other girls my age had lovely long hair in ponytails or bunches. I also got a row for looking at myself in a mirror once.
Allergies were things people made up for attention.
Any illness or disease anyone else had was made up. She was a total hypochondriac, never away from doctors.

Why Magpie?

@hippygirllucky my kids are also banned from playing any weapon games. Tell dd she isn’t allowed to join in if other kids are playing “guns” or whatever but she probably does if I’m not there. Was on holiday recently and a kid had this massive water pistol and his mum was having him pose in different ways like a soldier to take photos. I just find it so distasteful and not something I’d want a photo of. My kids have water squirters shaped like dolphins because they are kids on holiday, not going to war.
Think of all the things I’ve read on here, from conditioner to tampons and toilet breaks, plus things that were just plain abusive, the weapons example is the most positive.

" my DF was convinced until fairly recently that there is no need to drink any water and that the recommendations are overhyped."

Well he's right about the recommendations. 8 glasses a day was debunked a while ago. Other drinks and even some food count as hydration.

Going to the seaside, I think my Dad would have probably been up for it, but my Mum didn't like that sort of thing so we never went. I can count on one hand the number of times I went anywhere near the sea up to being 18, and those were because of school trips and relatives taking pity on me !

spirit or not, I hear you xx

I am a bit baffled at not believing in split ends - you can see them, peel the splits. Some of my split ends have split ends themselves!

I don't go to hair dressers because I can't be arsed, but split ends are still real regardless of the existance of hairdressers and their need to sell their services.

My dad...

Does not believe in hot water bottles when its cold (or electric blankets, apparently you'll piss the bed and electrocute yourself. I am 43. I have not pissed the bed in quite some time)...

Fans - in summer, when its hot. This is probably linked to him living in a very cool well insulated property that in summer can still be cold enough to warrant lighting the fire... but yeah, fans aren't a thing, no one needs them, ridiculous.

Drink drive alcohol limits - apparently HE can drink 3/4 pints of bitter and he's fine - because he was ONCE pulled over after that much and was just about ok (he had also JUST eaten a large meal and only just finished the last pint, half an hour later and I suspect he'd have been way over). We have resolved this issue by taking him to the pub rather than letting him drive, which is a pain as he HAS to go every night.

My mum...

Did not believe people on the internet were real. This really confused her when I messaged her (having set her up a computer and internet, once she'd grasped it was like a HUGE encyclopedia and could be used that way), on MSN messenger. She rang me to tell me I was talking to her. I said I know, I am talking to you on messenger. 'But how can you be, people online aren't REAL... not REALLY real....'

Hid all her sherry and vodka because I'd steal it. I did not live with her and at this point had been tee-total for fear of becoming an alcoholic like her, for 8 years! Even when I drank, i didn't touch sherry or vodka. But no she HAD to hide it or i'd nick it...

No one can eat more than a McDonalds Hamburger (no fries, and just a cup of coffee or tea). All the other available meals are gross, ridiculous and in fact no one can eat them (not that no one SHOULD eat them. That it is impossible for anyone to do so!)

Both of them - in the 80s/90s...

Baths once a week, wash your face/hands/armpits/crotch daily at the sink. Anything more is excessive, lavish and outrageously wasteful in terms of money and water.

Clothes - my school shirts (I had two) would be washed at the weekend. I could not have more. I also had only one bra. That combined with the washing thing... explained a lot about my teenage struggles!

Deodorant - is just perfume and pointless. I tried to explain they were both confusing body spray with actual deodorant but nope, not having it. I was a stinky little widdlindiddlin.

Short hair is a must - because having long hair is horrid and you have wet rats tails down your back and freeze as it dries and its a massive faff. Basically all the reasons SHE'D hated having long hair, so I was not permitted long hair. I spent YEARS having to prove (yes, pants down prove) i was a girl, pretty much until I got boobs at 10!

(My hair is now so long i can sit on it, it is a pain in the arse, i don't give a fuck!)

There is no difference between washing powder for the washing machine and dish detergent for the dishwasher (Dad) - as a result neither clothing nor dishes were ever properly clean. Also putting salt in the dishwasher (necessary where we lived) was ridiculous.

Conditioner is not necessary (so my short curly hair was basically a frizzball, and when i finally got big enough she couldn't pin me down to cut it - because hairdressers are not for children - a big frizzy mass!).

Pretty clothes - no idea why but as a kid, getting to pick through clothes in the hand me down bags we'd get from family friends, she HATED it if I ever chose a pretty girly item. I'd get to have it... if it fit, because it was free, but then she would object any time i actually wanted to WEAR it (and i did becuase it helped avoid getting de-bagged in primary school to see if i was a girl!).

No, I really think it's more to do with the virginity thing.
They're not disliked by certain cultures because of TSS.

Hah! I was enjoying all the reminiscing about Flex shampoo and Salon Selectives. I think by the time my sister and I were firmly into our teens and refusing the short back and sides hairdos preferred by my mother, she had given up on her not believing in conditioner, but still refused to buy it for us. So we bought our own and fought over it.

So many other things on this thread ring bells, the comment about "if God had meant you to have holes in your ears he'd had put them there" and tampons being for "grown up ladies" and definitely not teenage girls doing PE. Also to clothes being chosen for their qualities of being hard-wearing and practical, fashion was for fools. As soon as sister and I had our own Saturday jobs, or birthday/Christmas money to spend, we were straight along to Razzle Dazzle or What Everyone Wants (there's a wee flashback for anyone who grew up in Scotland in the 80s).

Mum is now in her 70s and still doesn't believe in hair conditioner.

Sex was seen as a disgusting thing, was never spoken about if you ever did you were made to feel embarrassed and an inch tall. I honestly was a nieve teenager

When I started my periods it became something that wasn't mentioned if it did get brought up be said in the most awkward manner by DM and you'd feel the shame when DF got home.

Going through a teenagers bedroom every day religiously as soon as I left for school was the done thing to read bits of papers on crushes I had.

Only bathing once a week on a Sunday anymore was seen as not needed. Only hands, face, teeth during the week.

@GenieGenealogy

there's a wee flashback for anyone who grew up in Scotland in the 80s

Oh yes. What Everys and Razzle Dazzle. If there was something really special happening we might have had a wee trip to Chelsea Girl but that was definitely considered a treat.

My mum is equally as deranged as yours OP, didn’t believe in conditioner, she has fine short hair whereas me and my brother have thick, curly/frizzy dry hair.

She didn’t believe in shaving legs so I wasn’t allowed, cue much bullying when I was a teenager.

Apparently foreign holidays are “common” which is why we had to spend two weeks in a tent in the rain every year.

They didn’t believe in paying entry or for parking for a day out, but will happily spend a day at an outlet shopping centre spending £££ on clothes they’ll never wear and will eventually give to charity with the tags still on.

They thought that anything fun is “dangerous” or if the activity itself isn’t dangerous then driving to it was probably too dangerous, therefore it was best if I didn’t go anywhere with friends.

" Salon Selectives."

Look like you've just stepped out of a salo-o-on!

Oh god dishwashers. We moved to a house and redid the kitchen added a dishwasher and my mum made my dad take it out . Bonkers.

oh they didn’t believe that children could hear adults arguing over very personal things or having sex but again not in the spirit of the thread!!

well this resonated with me, succinctly described, LS, thank you

Sleep routine. When I had my own kids and would be calculating naps times especially in reference to bed time, mum was really taken aback by this. Said she'd never heard of this 'routine stuff' as we would just sleep when we were tired and that was that. I remembered just falling asleep on the sofa at any time the going to bed really late, sleeping as soon as I got home from school for hours then repeating the same thing again for years. I only stopped doing that when I moved in with my husband. It made me feel really disorganised and now I'm obsessed with my kids getting to bed early. Pyjamas were also optional and I'm fu my about making sure my children have actual bed clothes in bed!

That is 👌🏼

You are my sister, aren't you @Aspergallus ? Still haven't forgiven you for lending out my 12" Duran Duran single in about 1986 and not getting it back.

The LOOK on my mother's face when she first went into the Whatties on the Bridges in Edinburgh. Sort of like Primark now I suppose. Cheap and fashionable. Sister and I LOVED IT. We got one of those plastic mesh handbags which were totally pointless as all your stuff fell out the bottom, and stonewashed denim jeans with our Christmas money. Mum was all pursed lips and disapproving stares.

Happy days.

Toy weapons like guns

Fad pocket money toys (like POGs, YoYos etc...)

Magazine subscriptions where you collect parts

Anything Smoking related

Catholicism (from an Irish Catholic family bad early religious memories)

TBF I think my mam was really pretty we adjusted, the things she disallowed made up common sense and 'normal' morals.

The only one I can think of off the top of my head that was weird was Halloween. She always made me elaborate costumes, bought sweets to hand out to door knockers and if there was a 'proper' party on somewhere we could go but I ABSOLUTELY was not allowed to go 'begging'. Some years I just sat at the window all dressed up in my handmade costume watching the other kids trick or treat.

My mother doesn't believe in infertility. My father's best friend and his wife had IVF in the very early days of it being available and it failed every time. They were heartbroken and never had any children. My mother shared her opinion that the wife was definitely secretly taking the pill. Yes, she is always this charming! When I couldn't get pregnant after 8 years of trying, she told me that it was because I didn't want a child. (Pregnant every time my father looked at her, of course!)

Now I am singing that hymn and will be for a week. 😐