What the fuck made this bastard

[WhatcreaturemaderthishHellWEB]

What on earth made this??

I'm alarmed because it is massive and looks like a spiders web...

It isn't massive though. I know some have deep fear of spiders, one of my kids is truly terrified. But this one is outside, if it is a spider, and it really isn't a big web. We get lots of spiders were we live, absolutely huge and lots of them! Webs galore all over the hedges. They crawl across the floor right in front of us! One year it was actually scaring me how many there were! But we got used to taking them outside or ignoring them. If they were unlucky, the cats got them. I know it can be scary but try and put it into perspective, you will likely never see it so best to try and not overthink it. Spiders are really handy to have around :)

It's extremely unusual, but of course sepsis can set in from any type of bite that doesn't heal. A few unlucky people are allergic to wasps/bees. I agree that vast majority of UK wildlife is harmless!

Its the nest of a Solitary Wasp. Please Google him and then leave him alone.

As someone with both a degree in biology which included entomology and working in various fruit packing factories, you'd be very wrong to say that exotic insects very rarely make it to the UK. Very.

I found a hairy, hand size tarantula on a pineapple alive. I'm not just being a pathetic screamer. I know what it was because I I'm sure I know more than someone who has not studied entomology to my level.

Various scorpions running off into the Kent County side. Black widows daily in grapes to m&s. We found 20 in one day. Snakes. They all survive cold store very nicely. One day in Fyffes someone was bitten in the face by a massive spider getting a box of bannanas off a pallet.

How they fair out in the open I don't know. Dispite all of this I don't know anyone who was bitten personally so it was still very safe.

Anyway it looks to me like a tunnel / funnel type spider but it's really hard to tell on my phone. Size of Web is not related to spider size. They just lerk in the nests, unlike spiders inside that love to run about. I could pick any insect up outside, I still dislike them in the house. Just because I dislike them, doesn't mean I'd ever kill one.

Did the op say she wanted to kill it? I think not.

For someone who is absolutely TERRIFIED of this FUCKING MASSIVE BASTARD you seem very keen to disrupt it. Just leave it the fuck alone.

Is the occupant paying you rent?

@DyslexicPoster interesting, but a bit scary!

Omg a non uk dangerous large black thing! CALL SOMEONE.

OP, the vast majority of foreign people spiders just go about their daily lives without entering your house or bothering you. It's unlikely to be a foreign spider, unless you have a banana business with regular illegal migrants? By which mean accidentally shipped spiders, of course.

Get us a more close-up photo so we can admire whatever cutie lives in there.

I’ve noticed the complete lack of insects this year. I hardly see anything buzzing or fluttering anymore. I’d be quite excited to find a bit of nature close by! Once all the birds disappear you know we’re all fucked right?

@DyslexicPoster appreciate your arthropodic knowledge, but unless OP is going to drip feed she has an exotic fruit import business, I think it's not that likely.

We had one of these in our shed and we called him "Walter". I forget the name, but my pal is a zoologist and said they are harmless and quite rare in England, so kindly I ask you not to kill it.

If that is a swallows nest, then it must be some sort of ultra micro swallow.

Either that or they are the worlds hugest bricks and drainpipe.

I don't know what it is. A spiders nest or something.

Always remember that the whole point of building a nest is to make more of what builds the nest.

Ive noticed more butterflies and bees this year, especially bumble bees. I garden so perhaps it is what I grow? Last year we had less spiders, 2021 was crazy for spiders but last year was wasps galore.

Your mum IS correct. There are 6 NATIVE species of false window spider in the UK and none of them can kill you. Please read up on them here, and please stop scaremongering. https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/how-dangerous-are-false-widow-spiders.html

Probably a European Mouse Spider or Tube Web Spider. They're pretty chunky (and the first is adorably fluffy - it's where the Mouse part of the name comes from).

Did have them living underneath various parts of the guttering a while ago.

Completely harmless, considering they're 30 foot up and not interested in mammals other than in avoiding them.

I agree. It's very sad. Such vitriolic language about creatures whom we share the earth with.

Bring on the fake grass, concrete and air fresheners 🤢

This is true for us this year - even have some type of cricket - it's a very small garden but we've put in a small wild flower bed mainly to have somewhere to put compost from compost bin never had so many insects.

They aren’t new. They’ve been around since Victorian times. which will tell you how much of an issue they are.

I’ve been bitten when moving things around the garden.

Its definitely a huge spider - I'd leave now.

Sorry! Was trying to put on a new post about my rubbish microwave and its ended up here by mistake! Apologies to what the hell for gatecrashing your post

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I hope you’re right but we’re in the countryside in a wildlife garden and even the countryside we holidayed in this year was devoid of much insect life too. Find it unnerving.

Maybe a old nest that spiders have visited. The opening suggests a birds nest. Wasps are paper like and large round shaped.

I saw two absolutely enormous butterflies yesterday. They were amazing. I don’t think I’d have been as delighted if they were spiders though!