What the fuck made this bastard

[WhatcreaturemaderthishHellWEB]

What on earth made this??

Immigrant nazi zombie wasps mind you!

So many people these days, see a creature or habitat and instanly want to destroy it.
Then complain about the planet turning to shit and the weather, floods, fires, spoiled holidays, it's all me me, me.
Stop bloody killing things for the sake of it, they rarely hurt you. Put some netting on the windows to keep them out, but leave them in peace.

I'm going to call spider on this one, maybe wolf spider - OP if you can bear it just google UK spider nest images.

The only things I'd get rid of if they nested on my property are wasps and hornets. I'd love to have swallows or martins nesting here, spiders and bees no problem.

We had bees nesting in our eaves once: they came and went right above our heads on the patio without bothering us at all. The only thing we had to do was ensure the window beneath was closed, or they misdirected into our bedroom.

Can you stick your arm out of the window and get a closer photo?

According to Google Lens it's a Yeezy...

Tube spider nest / web. Not a native spider but quite widespread now from southeast to southwest and the Channel Islands. They can bite, but are not dangerous. They are kind of cute, although I wouldn't want to be sharing my bed with one.

Just a tube or funnel web spider. All good.

Ah I thought it might be...!

I would be scared too, OP! our ancestors evolved to fear spiders for a reason. AND TO ALL THOSE getting ready to call the spider police on me I have a large spider glass and carry the buggers outside and free them into the grass unharmed.

@whatausername Bit OTT comparing spiders to immigrants.

Might be worth investing in fly screens if you're worried? They are fantastic at keeping crawlies out of your house while enabling you to open your windows at night.

Believe it or not millions of us are NOT scared of spiders.

Its a learned reaction in most cases, some in society overreact, horror stories are made and the next generation who are young internalize it. same way people have become scared of clowns and china dolls.

It looks extremely round so it might be an old overflow pipe, with cobwebs round it.

Is it a portal to hell?

It's a very cool nest, whatever it is, OP! If it was a wasp nest then you would see a steady stream of them going in and out. I would know as we have just had one in our loft!

I suggest staking it out, sooner or later whatever is in there will come or go!

I don't fear spiders in the slightest.

Wasps, on the other hand, make me break out in cold sweats and gooseflesh. It's an entirely involuntary but visceral reaction. Even the sound of their buzzing produces this effect. And it affects my life. I won't eat out of doors or wear scented products between early July and October.

I know it's ridiculous, and I'm embarrassed by it. I've tried to conquer it. I've had hypnosis. I've educated myself on what beneficial insects they are (and in the meantime learned all about parasitic wasps who lay their eggs into caterpillars which the grubs then eat. Brrrrrrrgh!)

I think it's probably a disagnosable phobia. Whatever it is, it's safe to say that so far, I haven't had much success in overcoming it.

I totally agree. The rush to tell people to remove/kill/spray or whatever is sickening. I don’t like spiders but I can’t kill them, absolutely no need to destroy anything.

Yes I agree. I always try to remove large spiders from the house if at all possible. However the spindly spiders normally put paid to them, but that's just Nature in action. Wasps, we had to have a nest fumigated unfortunately. I did feel a bit bad about it, but knowing there would be a thousand wasps in the loft come September was a scary thought.

Definitely learned behaviour. My daughter was unafraid of spiders at age 7 until a friend came for a play date and screamed the house down. Now I have to remove anything insecty from her room at night before she will sleep. Before this she would happily ignore them or help me move them somewhere safe with a glass and card.

I remember seeing a childrens board book about a farm that ends with a giant spider and the word 'this is scary' or something like that. So the brainwashing clearly starts young.

I would not disturb a high up nest but I would get rid of one if it were say in my patio where people are likely to walk. My teen dd was bitten by a large spider (we know it was large as the fang marks were quite far apart!) about three and a half weeks ago and the bite kept getting infected, then dying down, then getting reinfected. It's now still quite a nasty large patch on her skin (more than an inch circle) but it's no longer looking green and horrible so I think it's healing. I've been amazed how long it's taken to get better, and luckily it hasn't spread.

sorry I was trying to quote @JusthereforXmas !

It looks like a bird or wasp nest with a spider for a neighbour in your first photo but looking at the scale in the second photo, it looks more like a funnel or tunnel web.

You can email the Natural History Museum for identification help:

https://www.nhm.ac.uk/take-part/identify-nature.html

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

they’re going to steal nests from domestic, hard working spiders. And take up their vet appointments

Also I was not scared of spiders and am still not my whole life because my mum told me that spiders in the UK were harmless and didn't bite. This is not true now, with the new non-native species like false widow lurking around. I found a whole false widow nest when my children were little (living in the far SW) and realised it was a different type of spider than the ones I grew up with and sure enough, they spread across the southern counties. I wouldn't disturb one outside, or away from me, but I would kill a false widow in my bedroom (and have) whereas a different type I would just leave to scamper off.

It will only be an innocent creature of some sort - don't panic!

We're lucky in the UK that apart from adders, nothing can kill you (and adders just want to be left alone). Wasps and bees can only give you a slightly uncomfortable sting and they don't WANT to do it - only when threatened.