How late is your 11 year old DD allowed out in town?

[InterferingOutsider]

DD has an activity that finishes at 6pm. Allowing 10 mins to change, walk to bus stop, bus at 615. 15 mins to main station, wait at station until 650 when bus home leaves (although bus usually there by 645).

Would you be happy to let your 11 year old DD do this alone each week?

@Sittingonasale would you let them do it together?

Perhaps you could talk to her coach and explain your conundrum, they may have a solution or suggestion that isn't as obvious right now, they may have resources or alternatives they can implement.
I understand the frustration but her safety has to come first, it could be a case of only doing the U20 for a while until she is capable and old enough to do the journey back.

My 12 year old dd is quite mature and sensible for her age, but no, that's a step too far for me, sorry.

Possibly yes. They usually go out together if nobody else is with them. I wouldn't feel 'easy' about it but as long as they have a phone which is charged etc, I might let them.

Bloody hell. I agree that at 11 it’s questionable though a lot depends on the child themselves, how street aware they are and comfortable etc. But some of these replies are bonkers! 16 before you’d let your child do a couple of bus journeys at 6pm?? It’s no wonder so many struggle in early adulthood if they’ve never been allowed to take responsibility for themselves growing up!

@sheworemellowyellow yes she has a phone already (she occasionally goes to her other sport alone, else waits at the bus stop for another parent to collect her).

Absolutely not. Unless there are really unusual but significant factors that haven’t been mentioned yet, like you live in the safest village on record. We live in what is seen as a very ‘safe’ area, a v small city (really a town) and I have a very mature 12 yo, who is used to looking after themselves (they attend residential courses for elite sport every school hols) but I still wouldn’t feel at all comfortable with this.

I think the actual risk is probably low; kids don't get abducted by strangers every week - it's how she is able to handle unwanted attention or things going wrong

Living in another country where it is more common - kids that age can handle the responsibility, but because it's less usual in the Uk would she stand out so be more vulnerable? How much does she love the activity to make it worth while taking the journey ?

How much flexibility would you have to pick her up if something went wrong? Could she stay later at the venue doing homework in the U12 days until your DH can pick her up?

It sounds like it might be worth trialing her journey or finding some kind of work around if she loves it so much

Hmmm. Tbh, I think it still has to be a no from me. She has another sport during the week, this isn’t her one and only thing. If it were her sole thing that she does to the highest level and you were denying her the opportunity to pursue her only interest, I’d find a compromise: another parent or child part-way, calling you at each interchange until you can meet her half way etc, just until she’s that little bit older. But this sounds like a nice to have, with other options available to her for this sport, and other things in her life too. Like all of us, we want our kids to have every opportunity. But not at this cost imo. It’s not worth it. Safety first, always. 11yo is too young.

Nope. My DD is 11 and I drop off and pick up. Tbh she wouldn't want to go alone if it meant going into town.

My eldest is 10 so a year younger, but it would be a hard no from me for a couple more years. My daughter is very sensible for her age and I trust her completely………. But I would feel extremely uncomfortable about her standing alone at a bus stop and a train station, even just once, but even more so if it were on the same day and time every week. I think leaves them very vulnerable. But then I am a bit over protective of my children and quite risk adverse.

Ds does this regularly. Not during winter months but from when the clocks go back to them going forward he does. Sometimes there's a few of them, sometimes just him.

If she's very used to taking buses alone, confident, and knows what to do if something goes wrong (like misses the bus), has a phone and is comfortable doing this, then yes.
My DD isn't used to buses because my town doesn't really have any so I wouldn't have let her do that at 11 but was fine with her walking or biking home in the evenings.

@sheworemellowyellow this one she competes nationally, the other only county. If she had to choose to only one, she'd choose this one.

I'd have to get a taxi to get her if need be.

Is there a group of them coming back in the same direction?

How busy are the streets generally?

Do you have other kids? Where use swaps buses, is there much open by way of coffee shops? I'd be inclined as a compromise to wait in town for her if you can occupy yourself and there's not other kids

No but only because I've known so many bad things to happen to girls. My sister was raped at a trains station when she was 12 and my friend was raped on the way home from school at 13.
I'm the type of mum who'd rather catch a bus to meet my daughters then spare the hassle.

If you can't pick her up in a car you'll need to get on the bus and meet her.

Oh wow, nationals! Well, in that case, if it were my child, I’m afraid I’d suck it up and ferry her back and forth until she’s old enough to travel alone. She still needs practical (emotional, mental?) support at 11yo. It would be tough for you, but sounds like the effort would be worth it. Good for your DD, well done to her! Love seeing young people succeed.

Is there anything your DH could do to help? Can he leave earlier one day a week? Can he meet her half way? Is it a better journey for her alone to go to his workplace after practise than come home? Anything at all?

City centre - no, DD is savvy, but not that savvy and our buses can be unreliable at times.
Local “town” is 10 mins walk so yes I’d be ok up till around 7.30pm or so (it’s along a well lit busy road), but later or more isolated than that and I would be collecting. She walks to Scouts for example, but we go out and collect her at the end.
Depends on your child and where you live though

Not with the change of bus no. Not letting them until 16 is ridiculous though

Honestly if she is on county and national teams I am surprised that the coaches would be happy with her doing this journey at 11 especially when the nights draw in. When ds swam for county at that age they would not have wanted him to travel alone in the dark back from training.

Is there any way you can keep your car, or switch to a cheaper one?

Could your DH get the train or bus to work that day of the week and leave you with the car to run to and from the activity?

Could your DH make any arrangements with work to be able to leave in time to collect her at 7:30pm?

Could you arrange something with other parents eg lifts in exchange for a contribution to petrol money?

Could you get the bus to meet her from
her activity and just suck it up time-wise /
read a book on the journey etc?

I’d be looking at every possible solution, but her doing that journey alone is not a suitable option (I have girls slightly older and slightly younger, so real life position here).

DH can get her when she trains with the older ones, but the U12 group finishes too early and it's on the day everyone has to be in the office. No one lives out our way.

So she joins the under 20 group as that is the only one you can collect her from.