How late is your 11 year old DD allowed out in town?

[InterferingOutsider]

DD has an activity that finishes at 6pm. Allowing 10 mins to change, walk to bus stop, bus at 615. 15 mins to main station, wait at station until 650 when bus home leaves (although bus usually there by 645).

Would you be happy to let your 11 year old DD do this alone each week?

I'm generally relaxed with threads like these about what age to let kids do things alone. But I wouldn't like this, particularly in winter when it's dark or getting dark at that time.

If it was one bus from right outside in a well-populated area and you could meet her from the bus that would be one thing. But her having to wait 20 minutes at the bus station and get two buses... it would make me uncomfortable. So often women are not safe being out alone and even as a grown adult I get twitchy if I'm somewhere alone and there aren't many other people around, let alone as an 11 year old.

In this day and age I personally wouldn't let my DD travel alone in the evening until 15/16, during the day yes from about 12 but not in the evening, especially not during the winter months when it's dark by 4pm.

No activity can ever be worth it quite frankly.

@TomatoSandwiches
So most actually get collected. from her current group, yes. There are only 4-5 of them in her current group. From the older group of about 15 most go home alone.

Dropping and collecting will take three hours. I've always dropped and collected until now, but we have to sell the car so as of September it's bus only, and I'm trying to figure out what is reasonable.

not allowed at all

No way, especially not in dark months. She’s too vulnerable

11??? Whaaaat?

A older group travelling home together on a bus is a world away from an 11yr old travelling home on two buses alone in the dark.

If you don’t have a car and you can’t get there to meet her and accompany her home, then she will have to just stop doing the activity as it’s too far away to carry on.

I wouldn't let my 15 year old do what you describe regularly. My 12 and 15 year old both catch public transport to school in the city but I would try and get them if they were past 6pm.

You can’t sell the car, and will have to confine to pick and drop off. Or she doesn’t do the activity. That would be my position. Anything else is dangerous and risky. Every pp has said the same you just don’t want to hear it op.

Absolutely not. DD starts secondary in September and will get the free school bus home. If she stays on for an activity she’ll have to get the public bus (from right outside the school directly to our house) but I’m only really contemplating letting her do that if it’s with a friend, and that would be at about 5 (already dark in winter though which worries me). Later, on her own and with a change of buses required - no way.

No, a single bus yes, it's changing that adds too much margin for error

Is there any wriggle room about when your DD can do the activity? Is there another day or weekends where it's easier for you to pick her up or perhaps another family member?
Is there somewhere else that does the activity that has a more direct route for public transport or even closer by?

I'm assuming this activity is important to her. When you don't have car expenses, would it be possible to stretch to an Uber or taxi once a week so you can go and collect her?

It's a no from me.

When my children were 11 it deoended on the length of the activity, most were an hour which was time for me to drop off, go shopping and pick up

I'm assuming you either don't drive or can't leave the house at that time, where I live public transport isn't an option so hard for me to say but probably not at age 11. Other children would cycle if near enough or parents would pick up

It’s a no from me. But not nice for your DD to have to miss out, and neither is a 3hr round trip ok for you at the busiest time of day during the school year.

Is there anyone else - her age, younger, older - who could travel with her at least part way? Or with whom you could split ferrying duties? Is it feasible to take the bus one way then for both of you to take a taxi home? Is there any way possible she can do this without being alone the whole time?

Does she have a phone already?

No chance.
Mine were taken and collected everywhere at 11, not allowed alone until 15 and even then it would be strictly day time only and with a friend, not alone.

No

@TomatoSandwiches the only other time would be to join the U20 group (which she does do once a week, DH can collect her on his way back from work as it's later) but she feels quite intimidated and would rather stay in the U12 group with the rest of her team this year. It's too early for DH to get her. Her coach wants her in the squad training rather than the kids' club group which clashes with her other sport anyway. Taxi would be £30.

Yes May to Aug in the light. No for the rest of the year.

no chance, my DD is 13 and wouldn’t

16 at the very earliest in the dark prefer 18 when you don't get a say.

I have a 13 y/o and an 11 Y/o. I wouldn't let either of them alone nor would they want to.