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Original poster

Was this a bit mean?

162 replies

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:31

Dd has some close friends. I'll call them Amy and Zoe.

Last week Amy's mum asked me if I could dog sit for her whilst she was away on holiday. I agreed to be kind, even though I'm not a huge fan of dogs and dislike walking them.

The day came and we agreed I would get the keys just before they left and I would take the dog straight out for a walk.

Dd wanted to come with me to say goodbye to Amy.

When we got there Zoe was sat in the car with Amy. They saw dd and waved. Dd went over to talk to them and when she came over to me looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said Zoe was going with Amy on holiday. Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed. Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

I was a bit surprised by this as dd has no interest in dogs, they know that. She only came to say goodbye to her friend and the dog sitting will just be me.

Whilst they were gone dd was sent loads of pictures of her friends having fun which made things worse.

Do you think this was a bit mean? The friends didn't mention anything before they left and dd only knew because she saw them when they were leaving. It was all kept a bit secret.

OP posts:
MollysBrolly · 01/08/2023 13:01

greenteaandmarshmallows · 01/08/2023 06:34

You were bang out of order. Amy has clearly chosen Zoe to go as her friend. You're ao unreasonable and put mum in a really awkward situation.

This multiplied by 100.
What possessed you to say what you did OP.
you're reply to your upset child should have been that's nice they're off come on let's go and see the dog

TheBerry · 01/08/2023 13:04

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:05

I also wonder if the arrangement for getting the key when they left, was so I could see Zoe was going too. It wouldn't surprise me to be honest.

I won't be dog sitting for them any more.

Why on earth would they do that?

RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 13:04

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WhateverMate · 01/08/2023 13:28

Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed.

OMG I'm cringing for you and your daughter!

Notamum12345577 · 01/08/2023 13:32

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:01

I said yes to the dog sitting as Amy's mum has openly told me she doesn't have much support around her. I am probably her closest friend. I wanted her to enjoy her holiday and not be worried about her dog.

Dd is over it now, it was just a shock for her as she was hoping to have one friend around whilst the other was away on holiday.

If you are Amy’s mum’s closest friend, maybe you could have a chat with her at some point after the holiday to clear things up / clear the air?

Mary46 · 01/08/2023 13:43

Op from my dd here 3 friendship is always tricky I think. I see your point of view too. Always one left out

TahiniG · 01/08/2023 14:04

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:05

I also wonder if the arrangement for getting the key when they left, was so I could see Zoe was going too. It wouldn't surprise me to be honest.

I won't be dog sitting for them any more.

Yep this was my thought too. I wouldn't trust Amy's mum at all now. It was a shitty and mean thing to do. Fine to take just one friend on holiday, of course, although that is bound to hurt but to ask you do this for her to facilitate it. It is exactly the kind of thing a Covert narcissist would do.

Especially as you're not particularly into dogs (and therefore it was a big ask for you to do this for her) and she hadn't spoken to you about Zoe going too. You're saving her quite a lot of money.

Samcro · 01/08/2023 14:10

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:05

I also wonder if the arrangement for getting the key when they left, was so I could see Zoe was going too. It wouldn't surprise me to be honest.

I won't be dog sitting for them any more.

I wouldn't be helping her again.

Noodles1234 · 01/08/2023 14:10

I think part of this is really cruel, not the not inviting her bit, that’s a sad reality and worth her getting a larger group of friends as 3 is never a good number.

But to not tell her then ask you all to have their flipping dog! What sorry but utter ar£es!!! That is like twisting a knife, fine if they say who is going before hand, but to not and ask you to mind their dog (poor dog mind, they have no idea).

i would take her out loads, ask her to invite loads of friends over and she has the most amazing time and poke her so called friends and their Mum. The part about keeping quiet and asking you for a favour is wrong on so many levels in my book.

i hope the Mum spends some time reflecting while they are all away, I don’t blank or cancel people, but she would be a strong candidate.

RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 14:12

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Catlady1978 · 01/08/2023 14:24

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:46

Do you not think it was a bit mean of the mum though to expect us to dog sit whilst she takes the other friend on holiday?

Zoe has a pet dog so would have been a better option for dog sitting wouldn't she?

Definitely mean - happy to get free dog sitting but not good enough to invite on hols. I probably wouldn’t have said anything about it being a shame but would be quietly disappointed for DD. Hopefully secondary school will being new friends and I hope you decline dog sitting requests in future!

RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 14:27

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SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 14:27

@RattleRattle Taking 1 child on holiday is perfectly normal - what's not normal is to ask the family of the third girl in the close friendship group to look after your dog and not mention one word about the 2 girls going on holiday together. It's just plain manners to give the other person the heads up - there's not many grown women who would be completely bothered if they pitched up to pick up a dog they said they'd look after, only to find that their 2 close friends were going on holiday together and hadn't said anything.

SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 14:28
  • completely unbothered
RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 14:30

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SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 14:52

No they won’t @RattleRattle , don’t be silly.

Hopefully the other mum will be a bit more thoughtful going forward and the OP’s DD will go on and make new friends at high school.

RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 15:22

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SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 15:27

She might - I doubt it though, they’ve been close friends for a while and most close friends make allowances for each other. The testing time will be in the coming years as the girls become less close in high school as they make new friendships - the OP and her friend may naturally drift. As for navigating more difficult friendship scenarios, yes probably - and that will come with age. It’s a difficult one when your previously close friend becomes closer to someone else though, even for adults.

GreyCarpet · 01/08/2023 15:30

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:46

Do you not think it was a bit mean of the mum though to expect us to dog sit whilst she takes the other friend on holiday?

Zoe has a pet dog so would have been a better option for dog sitting wouldn't she?

But they wanted to take Zoe on holiday with them...

ThreeRingCircus · 01/08/2023 15:36

I don't think Amy's mum should have asked you to dog sit but in general I think people are unreasonable to put that level of responsibility on a friend and should pay for kennels or professional pet sitters. If she was going to ask anyone it should have been Zoe's mum....but you didn't need to say yes.

However what you said to her is absolutely cheeky AF in my opinion. Basically saying that your daughter should have been invited when it's blatantly clear that it was Zoe that Amy wanted to go with her. I imagine the mum was taken aback by your lack of tact and just said what first came into her head.

Janieforever · 01/08/2023 15:53

I’m a little surprised you think the person who should go on the holiday should be the one with least interest in dogs. That’s not how friendships work. They pick the person they wish to go. Clearly she couldn’t take all 3.

and you were asked as you are close to the mum to care for the dog. You put her in an awkward situation, and she just quickly replied.

I suspect they are sending her pics to try to make her feel included. It would likely be worse if she heard nothing. Children do mot have the maturity as adults and you yourself said she’s fine with it now, the issue is yours.

id not have made the comment you did, I don’t think it was fair, and don’t understand your thought process that Amy should not pick the girl she wishes but decide based on who likes dogs more.

Muminthebluecoat · 01/08/2023 15:55

Groups of 3 never work. One always gets left out. I can ser why Amy's mum only wanted to allow 1 friend on holiday and your comment was a bit unfair but a bit cheeky to ask you to dog sit.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 01/08/2023 15:59

GreyCarpet · 01/08/2023 15:30

But they wanted to take Zoe on holiday with them...

Show quote history

And maybe Zoe's dog doesn't like random other dogs, therefore the parent may not have been able to have it come stay. Maybe Zoe's mum knows how to say the word no when she doesn't want to do something, instead of saying yes then complaining.

DemBonesDemBones · 01/08/2023 16:21

I think the mum has a nerve asking you to dog sit!

RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 16:42

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