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Original poster

Was this a bit mean?

162 replies

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:31

Dd has some close friends. I'll call them Amy and Zoe.

Last week Amy's mum asked me if I could dog sit for her whilst she was away on holiday. I agreed to be kind, even though I'm not a huge fan of dogs and dislike walking them.

The day came and we agreed I would get the keys just before they left and I would take the dog straight out for a walk.

Dd wanted to come with me to say goodbye to Amy.

When we got there Zoe was sat in the car with Amy. They saw dd and waved. Dd went over to talk to them and when she came over to me looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said Zoe was going with Amy on holiday. Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed. Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

I was a bit surprised by this as dd has no interest in dogs, they know that. She only came to say goodbye to her friend and the dog sitting will just be me.

Whilst they were gone dd was sent loads of pictures of her friends having fun which made things worse.

Do you think this was a bit mean? The friends didn't mention anything before they left and dd only knew because she saw them when they were leaving. It was all kept a bit secret.

OP posts:
CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/08/2023 08:26

@IWillWatchTheDogs - honestly, I’d hide this thread if I were you - I’m sure it’s not helping.

People are being arseholes, for reasons known only to themselves.

No reflection on you - just on them.

gazpachosoupday · 01/08/2023 08:27

Surely, they are two very different things.

Amy's mum said you can choose a friend to go with and then had to do the adult thing of finding someone to look after the dog. If Amy had said I want to take DD, you still would have been asked to look after the dog.

If Amy had said I want to take Bob from down the road, you would have still been asked to look after the dog.

You put the mum on the spot, so she gave the first answer that came into her head.

SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 08:28

Typical MN pile on.

Friendships of 3 are notoriously difficult, and it's horrible feeling that you're being pushed out of a long term friendship. Hopefully your DD will make new friends when she moves to secondary school. In the meantime, yes, given the circumstances, the other mum should have engaged her brain and told you that Zoe was going on holiday with them when she asked for this massive favour.

Meeting · 01/08/2023 08:30

The two things are unrelated.

Amy was allowed to bring one friend on holiday, she chose Zoe.

Her mum needed a dog sitter, she asked you and you said yes.

Why are you trying to connect them?

Senorfrijoles · 01/08/2023 08:33

carlottacandle · 01/08/2023 07:16

Really surprised by the posts on her saying OP is being unreasonable 😂 yes, of course Amy & Zoe can go on holiday together. Yes, it's hard to watch your daughter be left out / pushed out by their closer friendship. That stuff is all ok, and reasonably happens (although hard for us as parents to manage). But! Asking you to look after the dog? That bit is unreasonable in my opinion! Not mentioning the girls going together was obviously because they knew there would be upset, so expecting a favour whilst you manage your child's upset is a bloody cheek in my opinion!

My thoughts exactly! The other mum was rude asking you to dog sit OP.

Creepybookworm · 01/08/2023 08:33

10 year olds are often mean to each other and a group of three friends is probably the worst mix for it. It doesn't get better for a few years in my experience and the best way to deal with it is encouragement to make other friends. Other parents are not often helpful in nipping it in the bud and some parents wilfully refuse to see the behaviour and often join it with it, as seen in this case. Its fine to take one friend in holiday, it's not fine to ask the other friends mum to dog sit, act like you are doing them a favour by allowing access to your precious dog and their poop, and inviting key collection so child sees the arrangement for the first time.

Meeting · 01/08/2023 08:40

Senorfrijoles · 01/08/2023 08:33

My thoughts exactly! The other mum was rude asking you to dog sit OP.

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She was rude for asking?

OP could have (and should have) said no.

SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 08:42

Meeting · 01/08/2023 08:40

She was rude for asking?

OP could have (and should have) said no.

Show quote history

If she's got any sense she will if she's asked again.

WimpoleHat · 01/08/2023 08:43

It's fine for Amy to choose Zoe, but Amy's mum shouldn't have asked you and dd to dog sit! What a way to rub the holiday in your dd's face.

This is spot on. And I don’t think OP did anything wrong by effectively calling the other mother out on it either - her DD must have felt so hurt in that moment. At best it was totally thoughtless; at worst, deliberately unkind. I’d definitely be encouraging DD to find some new friends.

Ginola2345 · 01/08/2023 08:46

This often happens around this age and girls can be absolutely awful to one another and seem to relish in hurting and or excluding someone often encouraged by their mums who also post on social media. So so and all the girls in her class having a sleepover except not all the girls in the small class have been invited etc.

It was uncalled for you to make that comment to the mum but equally the mum was tactless and could have got someone else to dog sit knowing she was taking the other friend on holiday.

Do something nice with your DD try not to dwell on it and encourage your DD to widen her interests and social circles.

PS DD had this from the start of year 6 and
into year 7. She now has a group of quieter friends who have opted out of the popularity contests. I suspect your DD might be perhaps quieter than the other two, more naive, younger for her age or less worldly wise or something. Don’t react any further as if the girls know they have hurt or upset you and DD things could get much worse.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/08/2023 08:46

Another batshit thread.

Of course it was mean of the mum to ask you and your Dd to dogs sit and then take another child on holiday, and make it blatantly clear that's what she was doing!

I'm glad you won't be dog sitting anymore, and I hope your Dd makes some better friends in secondary school.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 01/08/2023 08:51

Yerroblemom1923 · 01/08/2023 06:36

@greenteaandmarshmallows Hi Amy's mum.

What are you on about? I'm not Amy's mum.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 01/08/2023 08:52

Plbrookes · 01/08/2023 06:37

What an imaginative and hilarious post.

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Was it meant to be funny? I thought it was weird.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 01/08/2023 08:53

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:46

Do you not think it was a bit mean of the mum though to expect us to dog sit whilst she takes the other friend on holiday?

Zoe has a pet dog so would have been a better option for dog sitting wouldn't she?

Yeah but zoe is going on holiday with them so she can't?!

Senorfrijoles · 01/08/2023 08:54

Meeting · 01/08/2023 08:40

She was rude for asking?

OP could have (and should have) said no.

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Yes she was absolutely rude for asking. She knew the OPs daughter was not invited (and would likely feel excluded). She also knew the OP and daughter don't like dogs (so a much bigger favour than someone who really enjoys pet sitting). Why do that? Find someone else.

The OP should have refused, but I can see why she didn't. She thought she was being kind and helping DD's friend. But the friendship seems to be quite one sided.

Sundaefraise · 01/08/2023 08:55

Marlena1 · 01/08/2023 08:09

I would be fuming OP. Absolutely fine for her to take the other friend but awful to have youur DD there to see it and to have you looking after your dog (I think this is some cheek). I think there was nothing wrong with what you said. I would have said nothing and walked away kicking myself. Them sending your DD pictures is also really mean and I'm shocked the comments from first pps think they did nothing wrong.

I agree, the brass neck of the woman to get you to dog sit, whilst obviously leaving your dd out. I would not be doing her another favour.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 01/08/2023 08:55

Market1 · 01/08/2023 07:24

I agree with this

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Same. Yes it's harsh on your daughter them not telling her but your response was terrible.

And you are the one who agreed to looking after the dog. No one forced you.

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 08:59

surely it is an honor and a big responsibility to be in charge of her friends dog - but you and some other posters are feeling affronted by it, you didnt refuse did you?
they will be very grateful to know you have the dog

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/08/2023 09:01

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 08:59

surely it is an honor and a big responsibility to be in charge of her friends dog - but you and some other posters are feeling affronted by it, you didnt refuse did you?
they will be very grateful to know you have the dog

An honour?!?

Some of you don’t get out much, do you?

Whatajokr · 01/08/2023 09:01

FairAcre · 01/08/2023 08:19

Do you have daughters or granddaughters? I can assure you ten year old girls are very capable of being deliberately mean.

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Amy and Zoe weren't though. They hadn't told DD. If they were trying to be mean to DD, they'd have brought this up weeks ago and kept on rubbing it in her face.

If they were mean girls historically to DD, I have no doubt OP would have brought it up on this thread. The pics are likely them trying to compensate her not being there now that she knows. And had DD not gone to collect the keys with OP, DD still would not have known unless OP told her.

OP is projecting her emotions and her negative spin in all this, when she's said herself her DD is now fine.

FunkyMonks · 01/08/2023 09:05

Personally I think it was a cheeky of Amy's mum to burden you with the dog sitting she should have asked zoe's mum fair is fair she's taken her daughter away on holiday so could have taken care of the dog but also I think it's beyond cheeky to expect others to take care of your pets pay for them to be in kennels or pay for a pet sitter I would never ask anyone to look after my cat if it's more than one night he always gets put in cattery safer for him and more comforting for us knowing he's being looked after while we are away.

The friend going away you don't know if zoe's mum has paid her share for her daughter to go and provided money for the time she's away and as others have said sadly her daughter wanted to share the holiday with zoe.

Your daughter is young chances are come secondary school most of them will have new groups of friends it happens.

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 09:10

you are suiting your name @CrazyArmadilloLady

SleepingStandingUp · 01/08/2023 09:13

Yeah, I wouldn't have asked 3rd Mom to do the dog sitting.

Then your comment made it awkward as hell for everyone.

Ooh if I'd known there was room, I'd have insisted you took my child instead? Because that's basically what you're saying. She and her daughter knew and chose not to invite her.

So I imagine her dog comment whilst equally awkward was just a lack of knowing what to say.

Remind your daughter that no one is entitled to a holiday at someone else's expense and suggest ways you can save up to go away yourselves next year. If she wants to distance herself from her friends fine, but don't encourage her to.

SirChenjins · 01/08/2023 09:14

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 09:10

you are suiting your name @CrazyArmadilloLady

No she's not.

An honour?! FFS Grin

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 01/08/2023 09:14

My niece looks after my dog when I am away.

I'm not bestowing an honour upon her. She's doing me a bloody big favour!