Was this a bit mean?

[IWillWatchTheDogs]

Dd has some close friends. I'll call them Amy and Zoe.

Last week Amy's mum asked me if I could dog sit for her whilst she was away on holiday. I agreed to be kind, even though I'm not a huge fan of dogs and dislike walking them.

The day came and we agreed I would get the keys just before they left and I would take the dog straight out for a walk.

Dd wanted to come with me to say goodbye to Amy.

When we got there Zoe was sat in the car with Amy. They saw dd and waved. Dd went over to talk to them and when she came over to me looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said Zoe was going with Amy on holiday. Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed. Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

I was a bit surprised by this as dd has no interest in dogs, they know that. She only came to say goodbye to her friend and the dog sitting will just be me.

Whilst they were gone dd was sent loads of pictures of her friends having fun which made things worse.

Do you think this was a bit mean? The friends didn't mention anything before they left and dd only knew because she saw them when they were leaving. It was all kept a bit secret.

Seriously batshit, right?!

Yep! I love my dog dearly but I’m under no illusions - anyone kind/mad enough to look after him while we’re on holiday is not honoured

It was a bit insensitive of Amy’s Mum but being in a 3 is always difficult and bullying aside it’s ok for 2 of them to do something together.
You were very unreasonable to challenge it though, much worse will happen at Secondary and you will have to try not to get involved
As for looking after the dog no idea why you would agree to that

good for you @SirChenjins pile on why dont you
however i am sure you are very grateful for your niece.
it am not the batshit one here

I have no problems with the two friends going on holidays but why on earth did thry ask you to dog sit? I presume they paid you?

why is it an honor? They don’t even like dogs. Op was just being nice and then realised the situation.

Op are you even being paid to look after the dog?

My niece?

The OP is not honoured to look after someone else's dog - she's doing them a huge favour and I hope they are generous in their thanks.

My son is part of a very close group of 5 + older sibling. All mums are very close friends.

I take different combinations of them to different things and on holiday depending on age/suitability/who hasn’t had an opportunity to go somewhere/do a thing.

Whoever we are taking that time, the same mum always does our pet sitting/house sorting stuff, so I don’t think it’s particularly odd to take one kid and ask another to dog sit unless it’s a pattern of asking you for favours while leaving your daughter out.

I must be reading a different thread to half the posters on here cos I think Amy's mums was being a grade A CF. It's not a problem that she only takes one kid that's not the issue but to then ask the mum of the kids they didn't invite to dog sit stinks. She shoukd have asked Zoes mum or paid someone to do it. But OP should have said no to dog sitting from the start if she doesn't like dogs much

This thread is honestly like some bizarro world parallel universe….

I agree.

@SirChenjins I think the poster took both our posts as one - I mentioned my niece. Not sure I joined a pile on though??

You're not her closest friend now I'd reckon after the attitude you gave her. It makes it worse that as a mother, she has little support, tries to do a nice thing by taking another child on holiday with her daughter for her daughters sake and gets lip for it. If she doesn't have much support then what the fuck made you think she would want to take all three?

OP I really think your energy would be better not getting drawn into this stuff.

Yes girls/women/boys/men can be bitchy and braggy with a blatant intention to make someone feel left out and jealous. However, getting drawn into it is what gives their actions power. Alongside that, these things are often ambiguous and are often easily explained with no ulterior motive. Life is much easier if you allow yourself to think the best case rather than build up the worst. It’s a great skill to teach your dd too.

Fwiw, I don’t think the children sharing photos is necessarily with the intention of provoking your dd and the dog sitting business was at worst dense. I really can’t imagine anyone would be thinking anything deeper than ‘oh I wonder if IWillWatchTheDogs will take care of Fido’. If it was intentional slight it was a pretty shit one.

agree totally

I'm baffled by so many of the responses on this thread! Really.

Amy's mum asked someone she could trust to look after her dog. That does not make her a cf. OP could easily have said no. I've asked people to dogsit for me, some have said yes, some have said no. It's no problem either way.

Amy's mum told Amy she could bring one friend on holiday, she chose Zoe. That does not make her a cf.

I doubt there is unlimited money or space to take 2 children that aren't yours away on holiday.

But to call her out on it the way you did was just awful! We don't all get to be included in everything unfortunately, it's something we all have to deal with throughout our lives.

agree. not only that, but rub it in her face by dropping the dog off with the 2 in the back.

Well no... cos she was chosen to go on the holiday?? I can see why this may have stung dd a bit, it's not nice but you also can't expect the mum to take another child. She's told her dd to choose a friend to take and she's chosen Zoe. I can see why it's stinging a little but your friend isn't being unreasonable in the slightest, in fact it seems like they tried to not hurt your dd by keeping it quiet.

Years ago my sister had to choose a friend to go away with her overseas. She had 2 best friends.

She and my mum chose the girl from a single parent family who didn’t have many privileges or holidays over a friend who was more affluent and went away with her parents.

Of course it was hurtful for OP’s daughter but you have to look at the reason. Maybe she just likes the other girl better.

This is exactly how I see it

@IWillWatchTheDogs

I’m with you entirely. She is obviously entitled to take whoever she wants on holiday but as you are a close friend it’s particularly mean. She must have known you’d be upset otherwise she would have told you before, or at least explained why she was only taking one child. To expect your dd to look after the dog is just rubbing it in.
It’ll be kennels next time.

im kind of concerned about the dog tbh. Why did you need to get a key? Are you just coming and going or are you actually staying at Amy’s house with the dog?

if it’s the former, that’s terrible. Poor dog. If it’s the latter, your poor DD. Staying at her friends house while her friend is on holiday with her other friend and she’s left out.

This us a case of two’s company, three’s a crowd I’m afraid. She had a damn cheek asking you to look after the dog. I feel for your little girl xx

Yes I think you were mean to make the conversation so uncomfortable for everyone.

Looking after, or paying for, three children is a lot more taxing than 2.

She didn't know DD would be with you.

I agree. I'm surprised you're getting a telling off: I don't think your comment was that bad and of course looking after a dog, was not the same as going on holiday with your friend. And I love dogs!

But, I do agree about not making this "a big thing": I was brought up in an environment where every perceived slight was made into a thing, and it's been difficult for me to judge at times, what is and isn't fair behaviour. I remember being around 8 when two friends went on holiday a and sent me a letter (this was 1984!) saying they were going to have as much fun as they could to make me jealous. Some little girls are lovely, some are little cowbags. I have a DD who's now in late teens.

I also think your DD needs to get used to the way people behave, navigating childhood should set her up for dealing with people at work etc.

She absolutely should widen her friendship group and secondary school will definitely help.

Ultimately, I think that was poor form from the mum.