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Original poster

Was this a bit mean?

162 replies

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:31

Dd has some close friends. I'll call them Amy and Zoe.

Last week Amy's mum asked me if I could dog sit for her whilst she was away on holiday. I agreed to be kind, even though I'm not a huge fan of dogs and dislike walking them.

The day came and we agreed I would get the keys just before they left and I would take the dog straight out for a walk.

Dd wanted to come with me to say goodbye to Amy.

When we got there Zoe was sat in the car with Amy. They saw dd and waved. Dd went over to talk to them and when she came over to me looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said Zoe was going with Amy on holiday. Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed. Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

I was a bit surprised by this as dd has no interest in dogs, they know that. She only came to say goodbye to her friend and the dog sitting will just be me.

Whilst they were gone dd was sent loads of pictures of her friends having fun which made things worse.

Do you think this was a bit mean? The friends didn't mention anything before they left and dd only knew because she saw them when they were leaving. It was all kept a bit secret.

OP posts:
Tiredmummaoftwo · 01/08/2023 07:09

Yerroblemom1923 · 01/08/2023 06:36

@greenteaandmarshmallows Hi Amy's mum.

😂😂😂

You weren't bang out of order OP. Yes it was a bit mean of them and a bit silly of the mum to have both of them sitting there when you came to collect the dog.

yogasaurus · 01/08/2023 07:10

I also wonder if the arrangement for getting the key when they left, was so I could see Zoe was going too. It wouldn't surprise me to be honest.

why? This would be a really odd thing to do, if there’s no backstory of issues? I think you’re taking this really personally. Also you seem to think they should have taken your DC too, that’s very unreasonable.

TheaBrandt · 01/08/2023 07:11

It’s the human condition though. You will no doubt do things that inadvertently leave out and hurt other peoples feelings.

Agree I wouldn’t be doing her any more favours though! Sod that!

carlottacandle · 01/08/2023 07:16

Really surprised by the posts on her saying OP is being unreasonable 😂 yes, of course Amy & Zoe can go on holiday together. Yes, it's hard to watch your daughter be left out / pushed out by their closer friendship. That stuff is all ok, and reasonably happens (although hard for us as parents to manage). But! Asking you to look after the dog? That bit is unreasonable in my opinion! Not mentioning the girls going together was obviously because they knew there would be upset, so expecting a favour whilst you manage your child's upset is a bloody cheek in my opinion!

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 07:16

it shouldnt ruin your friendship though - why on earth should it. disentangle yourself

PinkNailpolish · 01/08/2023 07:17

It's fine for Amy to choose Zoe, but Amy's mum shouldn't have asked you and dd to dog sit! What a way to rub the holiday in your dd's face. Is she paying you to dog sit or is she a CF? I would've said no because your dd is upset and left.

Whyishewearingasombero · 01/08/2023 07:18

ColumboOnTheCase · 01/08/2023 07:01

I think it was mean to ask you to dog sit, not nice for your DD to find out her friends are not only going away together but have been keeping it a secret from her and will now have this shared experience.I think it was fine for you to voice your annoyance too, the parent should have had a little empathy for how the child being left behind would feel. It's ok she took one child but shitty to ask other ones family to dog sit.

Totally agree with this. The other mother could have handled the whole situation much more kindly. And asking you to look after the dog too was pretty insensitive.

mumlovesvodka · 01/08/2023 07:19

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:01

I said yes to the dog sitting as Amy's mum has openly told me she doesn't have much support around her. I am probably her closest friend. I wanted her to enjoy her holiday and not be worried about her dog.

Dd is over it now, it was just a shock for her as she was hoping to have one friend around whilst the other was away on holiday.

If DD is over it why are you letting it live rent free in your head

I think it's more resentment about dog sitting tbh

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/08/2023 07:21

The dog sitting and taking a child on holiday were separate. It might have been nice if one was offered in exchange for the other but it wasn't. It was rude of you to challenge the mother, even if you were taken by surprise. What if this is the only way Zoe was getting a holiday this summer, Amy's mum could hardly reveal that.

Don't look after the dog in future and encourage a wider friendship group

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/08/2023 07:23

I think it was thoughtless - obviously the daughter can only choose bring friend, but then they should have asked someone else to mind the dog.

PretendUsername · 01/08/2023 07:23

Weird how many people think you should let others treat you like shit in life. They sound like crap friends and your daughter can do better, both of you could use the summer holiday to distance yourselves. Mute the Watsapp chat so your daughter doesn't have her jealousy fuelled by the insensitive pics.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/08/2023 07:24

Don't look after the dog in future and encourage a wider friendship group

I agree with this - unbalanced friendships can be tricky, and having other friends is important.

Market1 · 01/08/2023 07:24

Whatajokr · 01/08/2023 07:04

Grow up OP. What you said to that mum was awful.

In future, model to your DD the correct response in these situations.

I agree with this

littlebopeepp234 · 01/08/2023 07:27

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:31

Dd has some close friends. I'll call them Amy and Zoe.

Last week Amy's mum asked me if I could dog sit for her whilst she was away on holiday. I agreed to be kind, even though I'm not a huge fan of dogs and dislike walking them.

The day came and we agreed I would get the keys just before they left and I would take the dog straight out for a walk.

Dd wanted to come with me to say goodbye to Amy.

When we got there Zoe was sat in the car with Amy. They saw dd and waved. Dd went over to talk to them and when she came over to me looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said Zoe was going with Amy on holiday. Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed. Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

I was a bit surprised by this as dd has no interest in dogs, they know that. She only came to say goodbye to her friend and the dog sitting will just be me.

Whilst they were gone dd was sent loads of pictures of her friends having fun which made things worse.

Do you think this was a bit mean? The friends didn't mention anything before they left and dd only knew because she saw them when they were leaving. It was all kept a bit secret.

From your point of view it does feel mean and maybe you feel it was mean of the mum to ask you to look after your dog. But looking at it from the other side, maybe she thought that giving you the chance to look after the dog meant that your dd would be involved in looking after the dog too and that would be equally as fun and nice as going on holiday hence why she said “I thought you were looking after the dog”.

To me it’s looking like the mum tried to include your dd by letting you/ her look after the dog! I cannot see anyone being so mean as to spitefully ask you to look after the dog and then take the other friend on holiday just to rub your dd’s face in it.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/08/2023 07:28

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 06:48

that was rather tactless of you to mention it and a quick witted answer from the mum.
your dd should be proud to be dog sitting for her friend.

your dd should be proud to be dog sitting for her friend.

What?

Why……?

The responses to this thread are utterly batshit.

Brefugee · 01/08/2023 07:29

Meh. Amy's mum can take who she likes.
Amy & Zoë a bit mean not telling OP's daughter in advance.

Tactless and possibly rubbing it in of A & Z to send lots of photos.

But limp lettuce of non-dog lover OP to say yes to dog sitting.

littlebopeepp234 · 01/08/2023 07:29

littlebopeepp234 · 01/08/2023 07:27

From your point of view it does feel mean and maybe you feel it was mean of the mum to ask you to look after your dog. But looking at it from the other side, maybe she thought that giving you the chance to look after the dog meant that your dd would be involved in looking after the dog too and that would be equally as fun and nice as going on holiday hence why she said “I thought you were looking after the dog”.

To me it’s looking like the mum tried to include your dd by letting you/ her look after the dog! I cannot see anyone being so mean as to spitefully ask you to look after the dog and then take the other friend on holiday just to rub your dd’s face in it.

Show quote history

Also, just to add to my comment. My mum used to ask my friend’s mum if they could look after my pets while we went on holiday. My friends used to get so excited that they were looking after a pet for a week, they loved it.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/08/2023 07:31

It's the age where parents often still want their kids to be nice to their old friends but the kids have their own ideas on who they want to spend time with. It could well be that asking DD to dogsit was a very misguided attempt at including her from Amy's Mums pov when she insisted on taking Zoe instead. It's the kind of daft thing I can remember adults doing.

Original poster
IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:34

Amy's mum knows neither of us are dog lovers. Dd did not interact with the dog at all. When she was younger they would keep the dog In a separate room from dd and Amy as they knew how much dd didn't like dogs.

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 01/08/2023 07:36

I can understand why your dd might be upset and she's nbu to feel this way. But they are only 10 and friendships will come and go as they do at that age. It will hopefully spur your dd on to make new friends. She will change massively when she goes to secondary school so I wouldn't worry too much. Give her more cuddles and maybe do something nice with her this week.

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 07:36

i thought op said the mum didnt know many people to ask to look after the dog.
agree with above, dont let it take up space in your head.
your daughter is over it.

carlottacandle · 01/08/2023 07:37

@CrazyArmadilloLady agreed 😂 I don't even! I also agree with the pp who said a lot of comments on this thread equate to it being ok to be treated like crap in life. Good on you OP for making it awkward for the mum by saying your daughter would have liked to go 😂 I wish I could have seen that lol. If she didn't like the confrontation, she should have found some other mug to look after the dog lol

CFornot · 01/08/2023 07:38

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:44

@Hiddenvoice my dd and Amy have been friends since they were 5, they're now 10. They made friends with Zoe about 2 years ago.

It seems like Amy and Zoe are getting closer and my dd is being pushed out more.

Next year dd will be moving up to secondary school so hopefully that will be her chance to meet new friends.

Well Amy and Zoe are obviously closer than to your DD. Encourage your daughter to branch out with other friends and to be more resilient.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 01/08/2023 07:38

I guess one friend was going to be left out. It hurts but it happens. At least you know where you stand. I agree to try to widen dds friendship group. I encourage my kids to have some friends that aren’t from school and not to mix the groups. On the plus side you won’t feel obligated to dog sit again. Is this going to affect your relationship with Amy’s mum?

EarringsandLipstick · 01/08/2023 07:43

It was tactless & insensitive for Amy's mum to ask Zoe & then let your DD find out this way. Of course that would be hurtful.

It was also seriously CF behaviour to ask you to mind the dog.

She should have balanced it out in some way - it's fine to take Zoe, but do something for DD as well.

However you were totally wrong to say what you did & express such entitlement regarding your DD going on holiday.

I would be encouraging DD to branch out with her friendships.