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Original poster

Was this a bit mean?

162 replies

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 06:31

Dd has some close friends. I'll call them Amy and Zoe.

Last week Amy's mum asked me if I could dog sit for her whilst she was away on holiday. I agreed to be kind, even though I'm not a huge fan of dogs and dislike walking them.

The day came and we agreed I would get the keys just before they left and I would take the dog straight out for a walk.

Dd wanted to come with me to say goodbye to Amy.

When we got there Zoe was sat in the car with Amy. They saw dd and waved. Dd went over to talk to them and when she came over to me looked upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said Zoe was going with Amy on holiday. Amy's mum confirmed this and I said oh that's a shame dd would have loved to have come if I knew you had spaces for friends and laughed. Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

I was a bit surprised by this as dd has no interest in dogs, they know that. She only came to say goodbye to her friend and the dog sitting will just be me.

Whilst they were gone dd was sent loads of pictures of her friends having fun which made things worse.

Do you think this was a bit mean? The friends didn't mention anything before they left and dd only knew because she saw them when they were leaving. It was all kept a bit secret.

OP posts:
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 01/08/2023 07:46

I wonder if you would feel this way if they were upfront from the start about the other friend going?

It does feel quite sneaky - not to tell your dd that the other friend is going on holiday.

Dog sitting is also not a consolation prize. It's a chore, a favour, a bloody big one of you don't like dogs.

Why could she not have asked Zoe's mum to dog sit?

Friendship groups of 3 are difficult - I would encourage a wider friendship group and remember this going forwards.

RenoDakota · 01/08/2023 07:48

I hear you, OP, and would have felt the same.
I am really surprised at most of the replies on here.

ColumboOnTheCase · 01/08/2023 07:48

I can't believe some of the answers here

Yes of course we should teach our children resilience.

But equally we should teach them to be aware of others feelings. What is the other parent teaching her child here, it's ok to make your friend feel rubbish as long you have someone to look after your dog.

Adults complain on here about feeling left out on school run playgrounds for goodness sake.

Dombasle · 01/08/2023 07:48

Going by your awkward manner with people and animals, is your daughter also of a similar disposition?

The children would have talked about it before so I think your daughter knew she wasn't going but perhaps pretended to you she only just found out, hence her insistence in coming with you to see the dog as you've stated she isn't interested in dogs.

ParisP · 01/08/2023 07:50

It’s normal just to take one friend on holiday, rather than multiple friends. The photos may have been well intended. It’s best to work on you DDs resilience and make exciting plans with her and other friends.

FairAcre · 01/08/2023 07:55

It was very insensitive of the mum. She should have asked someone else to dog sit. Girls can be mean and seem to enjoy leaving someone out. Do something fun with your daughter while they are away.

Original poster
IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:56

Dombasle · 01/08/2023 07:48

Going by your awkward manner with people and animals, is your daughter also of a similar disposition?

The children would have talked about it before so I think your daughter knew she wasn't going but perhaps pretended to you she only just found out, hence her insistence in coming with you to see the dog as you've stated she isn't interested in dogs.

But she only came along to say goodbye to Amy, not to see the dog.

I 100% believe she didn't know until that moment.

OP posts:
DonoghueVsStevenson · 01/08/2023 07:58

Amy's mum replied by saying oh sorry but I thought you and dd were watching the dog.

Pretty sure you're fixating on this but but the crux of the matter is the mum was on the spot when she replied. Your DD wasn't invited because the other little girl had already been chosen, and in the heat of the moment the mum says it's to do with the dog. It was nothing to do with the dog, there was space for 1 friend and unfortunately your DD wasn't the chosen one.

I do think it would have been nicer for DD if she'd been told in advance but can't really see a big issue other than that. Its horrible feeling left out but your DD is over it now, I'd let it go.

Original poster
IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:59

FairAcre · 01/08/2023 07:55

It was very insensitive of the mum. She should have asked someone else to dog sit. Girls can be mean and seem to enjoy leaving someone out. Do something fun with your daughter while they are away.

This is the feeling I got from the pictures. It seemed like they were happy to show dd how much fun they were having in the hope she would feel left out. They weren't sent to make her feel included and part of it.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 01/08/2023 08:01

It is usual for just one friend to go on holidays.

One day your DD will perhaps go.
I would not make too much out of this.
Kids should be free to make choices and they swap best friends often.
The girls are sharing their pictures - hard but that is nice.
The dog is well cared for, that is important.

Don't dog sit again if you don't want to.

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 08:01

you have no idea what is going on in the girls minds
why they sent photos and
for what reason

it is not you receiving them and your dd is ok. just leave it

Marlena1 · 01/08/2023 08:09

I would be fuming OP. Absolutely fine for her to take the other friend but awful to have youur DD there to see it and to have you looking after your dog (I think this is some cheek). I think there was nothing wrong with what you said. I would have said nothing and walked away kicking myself. Them sending your DD pictures is also really mean and I'm shocked the comments from first pps think they did nothing wrong.

Lou670 · 01/08/2023 08:13

Not read the whole thread but by the opening post I am concerned that a dog is being left alone all day apart from being walked. So you are not pet sitting, just walking the dog? It should have been put in kennels or someone actually sitting with it. It is going to left alone for long periods of time?

Whatajokr · 01/08/2023 08:15

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:59

This is the feeling I got from the pictures. It seemed like they were happy to show dd how much fun they were having in the hope she would feel left out. They weren't sent to make her feel included and part of it.

Show quote history

Seriously OP, you need to grow up. You're now accusing 10 year old CHILDREN of deliberately trying to be mean.

Even if you didn't say anything to your DD when she showed you the pics, she'll have sensed your childish reaction.

Objectively, if your DD definitely didn't know they were going together until she saw them leaving in the car, then it's far more likely they didn't say as they were trying to protect her from feeling upset. Once they knew she knew, they're likely trying to send her pics to try to include her in the only way they can, or know how to, in their 10 YEAR OLD brains.

School seem to be doing a good job teaching your daughter, and her friends, about friendships, as you sure aren't.

FlamingoQueen · 01/08/2023 08:15

I think this is appalling! It’s like you and dd are good enough to look after the dog, but not good enough for your dd to go on holiday with them. I’m sorry, but there’s no excuse for this. These girls are not her friends.

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 08:16

have you taken the dog back to your house?

Cornettoninja · 01/08/2023 08:17

I have to say you sound very highly strung. You’re adding a lot of narrative yourself and winding yourself up over it.

yes the situation sounds disappointing and upsetting for your dd but you’re building it into something you have literally no reason to believe to be true unless you want it to be.

Do your dd a favour and encourage her to look past this incident by filling her time with things that make her feel good about herself.

Also don’t agree to pet sitting unless you’re actually happy to do it or have a return favour agreed for doing it. You’re clearly unhappy that your help hasn’t been repaid to your liking.

CwmYoy · 01/08/2023 08:18

Text her and say you can no longer look after the dog . She is no friend to you.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/08/2023 08:18

Whatajokr · 01/08/2023 08:15

Seriously OP, you need to grow up. You're now accusing 10 year old CHILDREN of deliberately trying to be mean.

Even if you didn't say anything to your DD when she showed you the pics, she'll have sensed your childish reaction.

Objectively, if your DD definitely didn't know they were going together until she saw them leaving in the car, then it's far more likely they didn't say as they were trying to protect her from feeling upset. Once they knew she knew, they're likely trying to send her pics to try to include her in the only way they can, or know how to, in their 10 YEAR OLD brains.

School seem to be doing a good job teaching your daughter, and her friends, about friendships, as you sure aren't.

Show quote history

For God’s sake.

People love to stick the boot in on here…..

FairAcre · 01/08/2023 08:19

Whatajokr · 01/08/2023 08:15

Seriously OP, you need to grow up. You're now accusing 10 year old CHILDREN of deliberately trying to be mean.

Even if you didn't say anything to your DD when she showed you the pics, she'll have sensed your childish reaction.

Objectively, if your DD definitely didn't know they were going together until she saw them leaving in the car, then it's far more likely they didn't say as they were trying to protect her from feeling upset. Once they knew she knew, they're likely trying to send her pics to try to include her in the only way they can, or know how to, in their 10 YEAR OLD brains.

School seem to be doing a good job teaching your daughter, and her friends, about friendships, as you sure aren't.

Show quote history

Do you have daughters or granddaughters? I can assure you ten year old girls are very capable of being deliberately mean.

Willmafrockfit · 01/08/2023 08:19

CwmYoy · 01/08/2023 08:18

Text her and say you can no longer look after the dog . She is no friend to you.

oh yes, then she will have to come home early from the holiday,
wicked plan

er... no.
be an adult

Cornettoninja · 01/08/2023 08:19

IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 07:59

This is the feeling I got from the pictures. It seemed like they were happy to show dd how much fun they were having in the hope she would feel left out. They weren't sent to make her feel included and part of it.

Show quote history

You’re projecting wildly.

Original poster
IWillWatchTheDogs · 01/08/2023 08:22

Lou670 · 01/08/2023 08:13

Not read the whole thread but by the opening post I am concerned that a dog is being left alone all day apart from being walked. So you are not pet sitting, just walking the dog? It should have been put in kennels or someone actually sitting with it. It is going to left alone for long periods of time?

Rest assured the dog is adequately cared for.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 01/08/2023 08:23

Thing is if your DD sees you being pushed around by a friend what is she learning from you? It's ridiculous that you said yes to looking after a dog when you didn't want to.

And yes, 10 year old girls are very often deliberately mean to friends, this isn't Enid Blyton land.

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/08/2023 08:26

If you are close to the mum why do you think she engineered the key collection thing?

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