Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

At 40, I had one in primary school and one in nursery. For me, that's a good stage to be at in my 40s. It meant my 20s were completely childfree, but mine will be adults while I'm still young enough to travel and enjoy life.

My friend had her first at 15 (she also had her youngest at 30, so a lot of years of life with young children). Her daughter finished uni, got married and bought a house before my friend turned 40! That is mindboggling to me.

I'm 43 now, DP is 45. We have a 12 yo, 10yo, 7yo and an 18 month old. I'd love another, but I think it's too late now. ☹️

By 40 I will have a 12 year old and hopefully one more (ttc atm 🤞). I am 30 next month.

When I was 40 I had a 15year old plus some losses, and had been diagnosed with secondary infertility 10 years before.
At 43 I found myself unexpectedly and miraculously pregnant, giving birth at 44.
Now my kids are 26 & 7, and adore each other.

I'm 40. I have a 6-year-old and we are ttc (having gone through ifv for the past two years).

Next year I'll be 40 with a 12 and 10 year old.
Happy with the age I had my two, wouldn't cope with sleepless nights now like where most of my friends are at.

Hoping that my 40s will be an opportunity for me to think about what I really want to be doing work wise without it only being about what fits with child care and taking better care of myself, thinking about my health as I get older - well that's the plan.

At 40 I had an 8 yo and a just turned 5 yo

46 with a 6 year old & a 1 year old (met DH fairly late). I love it, in my head I'm still mid 30's so I get a shock when I look in the mirror 😂 Most of my friends have teens or late primary age children, one is a grandmother (which seems very young to me but would have been a normal age once - my mum married at 21 & had her first by 22 - had we followed her timeline she would have been a grandparent by her early 40's). The fact that I'm old enough to be the mum of some people that my husband manages at work (one of them is 26 & his mum is my age) disturbs me a bit though 😂. Theoretically (or if I forgot how old I was rather) I'd be delighted to find myself pregnant but given my age in reality I wouldn't want to take the risk both from potential abnormalities & would I be around & with enough marbles for as long as they needed.

I'll be 40 in a few months. I have a toddler and am pregnant with my second (but definitely last) child. I'd have loved to get started a bit earlier than I did (though not before I was in my 30s, that wouldn't have been right for me) but I didn't meet DH until I was nearly 34.

Earlier this year I went away with a group of school friends, all born in the same year. Two of us were TTC (the other one is not a mum yet) and on the other end of the spectrum, one of us was preparing to see her daughter off to uni this autumn! We were laughing about how varied our experiences have been, despite being basically the same demographic.

I’m 37 but when I’m forty my DC will be 11 and 9 xxx

42 years old. Kids are 23,21,13 and 11. Big age gap between DD2 and DD3 due to 3 miscarriages. Hoping not to become a granny for a least another couple of years 😉.

I'm currently 33 but at the age of 40 I will have a 16, 13 and 7 year old! We had our last child 3 weeks ago, definitely won't be having anymore as we pondered whether to have a third or not (so glad we did though) but that's it for us. My partner was more concerned having a child again at 36, but we decided to go for it in the end.

Age 35. Children 13 and 11 years old.

I’m 40 (in 6wks) with a 15yo, 13yo & 5yo. My SIL is 44 and became a nana on Sunday, making me a great great aunt… I’m not ready for that name 😂😂

I’m 58 with an 18 year old who has just joined the Navy.
It’s odd she’s not home any more.
Our focus now is my DMIL, she’s quite frail now and needs a fair bit of support.

Im mid 40s and a lot of the people picking up kids from my primary school aged DS's class are actually the grandparents. I have an adult DS too who could have made me a grandmother in my 30s but thankfully didn't.

41 and my children are 9 and 19 this year. When my Mum was my age I was 17 and my brother was 13, and 5 years later I gave them the first grandchild. My almost 19 year old is disabled and fully dependent on me otherwise it is possible I could be a grandmother while I have a child still at school. I know people who were grandparents before the age of 40 and others in their 40's who have toddlers and preschoolers. If I have another child, I imagine I would be in my 60's before my youngest left home.

I am 32 and single (also grieving atm for my gran so dating hasn't been on my mind). Your post has given me so much hope.

I'm not yet 40 but when I am my DDs will be 11 and 9. I felt I was the right age having my children when I was 29 and 31 but I'm the youngest mum in my group of friends. Most have had their first babies between the ages of 36 and 42. South East though where most people aren't even on the property ladder until they're well into their 30s due to house prices.

My DC were at secondary school when I was 40. I'm now 51 and they're at university/postgrads. I can't imagine any universe in which I'd want to be a parent to school aged children now, never mind primary aged children!

My kids were 10 & 7 when I was 40. I'm just a few years older than that now.

Quite a range of situations of those I know in the same age bracket. One is a step-granny (no kids of her own). One bloke has a 24 year old son. One of my school friends has a 21 yr old son plus 2 kids the same age as mine. Another school friend has a 1yr old and a 3 yr old. And my slightly older brother has a 3yr old.

It's bonkers the age range of kids of everyone who ages with me 😳

At 40 I had a 14 month old.

I’m 42 in 3 months and my second is 3 weeks old.

My son was 19 when I was 40. Career soaring and the freedom and money to travel in style. Glorious.

I’m 36. When I’m 40 my kids will be 14 and 11. my friend Will have children aged 19, 13, 7 and 5 when she turns 40 so all different ages and stages there! When my sister is 40 hers will be 23, 19 and 13.

im quite glad mine will be high school age when I’m in my 40s. I’m looking forward to them having more independence and me being able to meet friends for coffee etc without worrying about childcare.

I am really looking forward to my 40s (39 now).

Mine are 21, 19 and 10. Primary school days almost done, career that I love and 7 years left on the mortgage so hoping to spend the next decade travelling and enjoying a bit more disposable income to help my children start out.

My twenties were really hard with young children, a fledgling career, nursery fees etc so feeling like we are coming out the other side.