Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

I'm 40 with twin 14 YO and an 11 YO. Sometimes I look round at my house, kids, responsible job and wonder how the hell I got here? My husband's first son is 22 and yes he's only 41!

I feel 20. I can't reconcile the fact that my teenage crushes are in their 50s. I feel like turning 40 was a horrible turning point. I've struggled with it tbh, in a way I never did with any other age.

My sister is 38 and her child has just turned 2. Totally different life stages!

Most of my school and uni friends had their first around 30, so at 40 most of us had 8-10 year olds, and most also had a second child a couple of years younger.

Then there was another group with babies and toddlers, having started at around 38.

We considered a third mid-thirties, but it wasn’t really the right time career-wise. I think up to around 35/36 I would have still been happy to have a third, but that started shifting, and by 40 I don’t think we could have contemplated it.

If DC have children at a similar age to when we did, we would be grandparents at around 60.

At 40 I had two under 5's. I think I would have been as exhausted if I'd had them at 25 as 35. I would certainly have had less patience!

When I'm 40, I will have a 10 year old and a 7 year old.

My SIL is 40, and has 20, 18, 16, 9 and 8yo DCs, plus a 2yo GC all living with her. Different strokes for different folks, but I much prefer my circumstances. She was my age now when she became a Nan, and that blows my mind.

At 40 I had a 3yo and an 18 month old and still was almost 2 years away from having my third child. Glad I was childfree when I was young and could concentrate on myself and my career and was settled with DH by the time we had kids.
I'm in my 50s now with teenagers and I'm enjoying making the childfree thirtysomethings at work feel old when they don't know the latest slang. Kids keep you young.

I had my first (only) child at 41.5 (40 at conception), so I hadn’t got started yet. My best friend of the same age is a grandmother-we are poles apart!

"around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant"

That's a really interesting thought isn't it, I'd never considered it like that before. There isn't a very wide span of a woman's life where that is possible.

At my 40th birthday party I announced my second (and last successful) pregnancy. I'd just had the 12 weeks scan at the time, so felt able to go public.

I had one child of 3 years old and one pregnancy/newborn in the year I was 40.

I'm 43. Oldest is 14, youngest is 2 with two in-between.

If I'd have known how hard teenage years would be I maybe wouldn't have had two more.

It's sheer hell. Give me a newborn and toddler any day 🙄

Turning 40 very soon and have a nearly 19yo, 15yo and almost 12yo.

Finding it hard to parent a young adult, and not quite going through the stroppy teen years with the others yet but I'm sure it's coming.
A lot of my friends oldest children are the same age as my youngest so feel a bit 'left out' sometimes.
Also feel like I'm still in my 20's or early 30's so definitely not ready for grandchildren yet, I'd be horrified!

I'm 41. DCs are 18 and 23.

This is so interesting. I had just had my 3rd at 40 (had 7 and 5 year olds). I'm now 51 with 18 and 16 year olds - grand- but an 11 year old with ASN and I look at my friends who had kids younger who have such freedom and I wish I'd had mine loads younger. But you don't know that shit when you're in your 20s.

When I'm 40 my daughters will be 15 & 14. I'm 29 now and not sure if we will have another baby.

On my 40th birthday I was child free, by my 41st I had a baby!

I am 35, but when I'm 40 my daughter will be 18.

I think 50 would be more interesting. Nearly everyone at 40 is in some stage of parenting children as so many have children in their mid twenties to late 30s. At 50 you would get more variation I think from those with small children to those with adult offspring.

I'm 45 now, when I turned 40 I had an 8, 6 and 2 year old. No more children for us, 3 is enough. Don't want to wish the time away but looking forward to them being more independent.

At age 40....
I was about to be pregnant for the first time (and only) time.

My mum had a 14 and 10 year old, no further pregnancies. Became grandmother at 60.

One gran had a 2yr old and would go on to have another at 42. Became grandmother late 60s.

One gran had 4 children ranging in age from toddler to 10. Went on to have another baby at 43. Became grandmother late 40s.

Mine will be 18 and 15 when I am 40, I made my mum a grandma at 44! I'm pleased with the decisions we have made, we have landed on our feet really considering the young age we had kids for our generation, and I am excited for the future.

The thing I'm most mindful of is staying young, I imagine having kids when you're older keeps you young and active, I want to make sure I don't get old younger just because I am past that stage of my life!

Mine will be 3 when I'm 40😊

At 40, I had a child leaving primary.

At 40 my DC were 12 and 8

If three successive generations have babies at 15 (not impossible) you could be a great grandma at 45.

At 40, my oldest was 18 but he became a young father at 20 so I became a grandmother right before I turned 42.