Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

It was the most amazing and unexpected thing to happen but it’s been a joy. Both kids are happy and healthy and we’re all wonderfully close as a family. Very lucky indeed.

37 with an 18 & 19 yo. Had mine in late teens. Wish I was a bit older when I had them though.

@Sn1859 can I ask why you feel like this? Do you think you would be a better parent if you were older?

No, my two are angels so I must have done something right. It just feels like it’s all over sometimes. Maybe more so because I have friends who are just starting out or are my age with younger children! I can see why people with older children have quite an age gap sometimes.

@Sn1859 I know how you feel, my two are now adults (I'm 42) both really decent men, however most (in fact all) of my friends have younger children who are still very dependable. This year is the first in the 28 years me and DH have been together that we are going on a package holiday , just us two, I cannot.bloody.wait.

I turn 40 later this year. I have a 23yo, a 16yo ans DD will be 15 by then.

43 and have 14, 12 and 3 year old. Glad we have a baby in the house.

actually just realised she’s not a baby anymore 😞 she has just turned 3, so what is that still a toddler? No longer a toddler either?

I'm almost 50 with a 30 year old a 20 year old and a nine year old 😳🤷‍♀️😂
I've got a couple of grandkids too x
I'm so done with the school run but everything else keeps me young 😂
(I still think I'm 21)

At 40y my Dd was 11y.
It's now ten years in and my child rearing days are definitely over.

When my parents were 40y then has a 20y, 19y and a 11y.

Me and my brother were away at university but my sister was still in middle schools

At 40, mine were 10, 9 and 4.

Oh that sounds like heaven. I must admit it is nice to be able to get up and go into town or just go out when I want because I don’t have to rely on babysitters. Not many people my age with children can do that so that is a plus. Enjoy your holiday!! 😊

When I turn 40, my daughter will be 8. Will she have a sibling? Head says no, heart says yes. Not sure what way it will go but I do feel under pressure to decide soon.

I had a 16, 7 and 5 year olds when I turned 40.

When I turned 40 my DC were aged 4, 6 and 8. So for me, my 30s were the baby/toddler years and my 40s were about "rediscovering" myself and my career.

At 40 I had a 3¾ year old plus 3 month baby. They are now 19 and almost 16 year old and a joy.

Ftm at a much greater age than you. Decided not to give a flying --- what other people think.
Best thing I've ever done and I'd like to do it again but money/health reasons are stopping me.
It's so much fun having a lo at our age, despite being awake at 5am most days lol. 🙃

At 40 mine were 7 and 5. Am now approaching 50 with a 17 and 15 year old - life is easier in lots of respects but the teenage years are not a total breeze!!

I am 36 with a 5 year old and 3 month old..my partner us 41. That's definitely me done. But yes in my daughters class I think the age of the parents ranges from about 30- 50.

At 40, I had a two year old and was pregnant with my DD. Plus ailing parents - it was a difficult time. Still part of the sandwich generation in my 50s. Can’t yet travel the world as we need to stick to school holidays. 60s will be my time.

I have primary age children and I’m seriously considering trying for one more so I’m more of the side of ‘this might be my last chance of fertility before menopause’ I feel nervous about the added risks that come with age but also that some are trying for their first at this age and the average age for having a baby is much older than 15 years ago

I'm 48 and dd 27, so at 40 dd was 19. At that stage dd was at uni, happy and settled. Carreer was going well and mortgage at half way point. Having a child young give me a push to earn and buy a home, I was lucky enough for both sets of dds grandparents for support, childcare and love, dd has learnt so much from them and i never had childcare costs. At 40 I think I had a moment of hearing my biological clock ticking but it passed very quickly . I was happy with where my life had taken me I really didn't want to go back to breastfeeding and tumble tots (does that still exist) and grandparents were getting older and would definitely not have been able to play the role they did.

At 40 I had a 4 year old and a 2year old. Will be 50 next year and now have a teenager and a 11 year old.

There were times it was knackering but I think they have kept us young and really happy with the age I had them.

Only thing is maybe if I had the first a couple of years earlier I would have had a 3rd, but we were waiting to be more financially stable.

Both my partner and I look young for our age and people are surprised to hear I’m 50 next year, I still get asked if I’m planning to have anymore! That’s a no - love the age they are now and the small bit of independence it brings.

Most of my friends had kids around the same age, I do have a couple of old school friends that were teen mums who are now grandparents and another who had a baby at 47.

Hey @Wishona pls check your personal messages when you can!