Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

I'm 43, mine are 20, 18, 15 and 10. Although some things have been hard as we were so young, I'm glad I did the 'full on' years when I was younger and it will not be long before I'm enjoying the freedom of independent kids. All being well I will still be young enough to enjoy myself and travel etc.

I think there are pros and cons to having kids young and having them later. It still blows my mind that I am old enough to have a 20 year old tho!

39 with a 5 year old, one and done. I’m happy to the the age I am. I enjoyed the financial freedom of my 20s and early 30s. I have friends my age who have grown up children, some even grandparents. But they are also happy with where they are. They now have the freedom to do the things I did in my 20s, but with more money!

43. Two DD's 17 and 16 and two DSS's 11 and 9. It's tough tbh. Dd2 has soem Serous behavioural /mental health issues and I'm trying to deal with them at the same time as managing the rest of the family including ailing elderly parents and the other kids, and myself as I'm probably peri. The anxiety of it all is off the scale. I long for the days when they were babies, because though physically harder it was far less stress and I was in a better place for it.

Il have a 19, 15 and 9 year old

Haha, I feel the same re the horror! I’m already quite ground down enough thank you 😂

We had a similar thing about no kids after 35. DC2 was born when DH was 35 and 11 months, though he maintained the rule was no kids ‘after his 35th year’…!

44, with a 3 year old DD. Feel like you OP, in fact in my mind I now feel just about old enough to leave home and be a grown up!

Oh wow. How are you feeling about it?

When I was 40 my kids were 12, 10 and 6. Gosh, that's made me pause. I swear I was 40 only a moment ago, but now the kids are 18, 16 and 12...

I know everyone says it, but they really are small for such a short time.

I loved them tiny, I loved them little, and I'm loving the teen years too.

Meant to say at 40 and having just remarried I was keen for another baby. Very glad dh talked me out of it

I'm 40 and 32 weeks pregnant with #1.
Never felt old enough to have a baby before my late 30s (although did take 2.5 years to conceive), not sure I feel old enough even now.
I know people younger than me who have grandkids, which I feel is insane but know is normal (it's just me).

I'm almost 41 mine are 23, 18, 4 and just turned 3.

I'm 43 & have an almost 9yo & a 5yo. So at 40 they were 6 & 2.
Part of me wished we'd had them younger, for the energy aspect, but it wasn't the right time for us for various reasons but I do appreciate having a decent house & income so that we can do lots of fun things with them which we would not have been able to afford when we were younger.
I have younger friends with newborns & it's lovely holding them, & part of me misses the relative simplicity of a newborn, but I wouldn't want another now. We've passed that stage & are moving forward - clearing out all the old toys, clothes & equipment & it feels liberating.

I can't imagine being a grandmother though, not at this age.

At 40 I had a 12, 11 and an 8 yo. Ff 3 yrs and I have a 15, 13 and 10 and a 6mo. Really want another now so baby has a sibling of a similar age.

I'm 43 with a 12 year old and twins who are 10... it feels right for me, but like OP I still feel I'm early 30s ish mentally and life stage wise.
Husband has a friend who had a kid at uni so age 20ish. My old school friend has a toddler and newborn. Age 40 really spans the ages for kids!

Same situation. 41 with a 6 and 2yo. Husband is in 50s now.
Last night I went to a gig where a lot of men who were maybe five years older than me max were there with their mid-late teen children.
The thing I find hard to get my head around is that by the time I have real personal freedom again I'll basically be in my 60s.
However, I did a lot before kids. Other people don't get that time and space in their youth.

This time 12 years ago (when I was 40) I had a 6yo and a 4yo and was pregnant. That pregnancy turned out to be a molar pregnancy and I went on to need chemotherapy for about a year. It feels like another lifetime ago!

At 40 DDs were both still at primary school. Quite normal I think, in fact I'm younger than a lot of DDs' parents.

At 40, I had an 11 year old and a five year old. So the most exhausting bits were over but it was still quite hectic.

Several of my school friends had toddler grandchildren at that point though, which felt a bit weird. They all said they didn't envy me, they were quite glad they had their kids younger and now they got the fun bits of grandkids while they still had the energy to play with them. I get that, but I also remember life being pretty hard for them financially when they were in their early 20s with small kids.

I definitely felt 30 years older at 40 than I did at 30. But that was due to DS2 being the worst sleeper ever - my late 30s were a tired blur! I feel much more human again at age 46.

When my nan was 40 she had me as a 2 year old grandchild.
When my mum was 40 I was 19.
I'm 40 and have a 13 year old.

When I was 40 I was ttc. I'm now 50 with an 8 year old (had her at 41).

By 40 I’d been trying for 2 years with 3 miscarriages under my belt.

44 now and a friend from University posted a photo of her and her son the other day, he had just graduated University. I looked at my 16 month old toddler. Wouldn’t change a thing apart from I’d love to have met my baby sooner.

I turn 40 next year, by then I'll have a 7.5 year old and a 3 year old!

Still got a couple years before i am 40 but by then i will have a 24yr, 9yr and 6 yr old and could have been a gran by now or anytime to come lol doesn’t faze me and i think i would enjoy being a gran at this age. Still being fit enough to run a round in a field playing footie and cycling etc. my dad was late 40s when my brother was born i was 15 then i had my oldest a year and a half later. Him and his uncle were so close like best friends when younger. Moved city when mine was 8 so not as they used to be

When I was 21 and fresh out of uni I worked with a woman who was 40 and expecting her first baby. I thought she was ancient and couldn't believe she was able to conceive. 2 years later she had her second. Now in my 40s myself I look back and realise of course that lady wasn't ancient, I guess my point (clumsy as it sounds) is that our perspectives change over time. I had my 1st at 27 and with hindsight think it was quite young. Many of my friends have babies/toddlers now in their 40s while I'm enjoying a bit more freedom with teenagers. But I'd say there's a good mix of both those who had their babies older and younger, there really is no "best" time of life IMO.

42 with an almost 2-year old. Every time I feel knackered and worn out and think ‘I wish I had had her 10 years ago’ I remind myself that if I’d had a child when I was younger it would have been with a different ratbag partner and life would have been very different, definitely not in a good way. Also, my child wouldn’t have been the amazing little soul that I have now!