Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

When I am 40 (in 8 years time) I will have an 11 year old and a 9 year old and maybe a younger one as well.

My youngest was 5 at the time, he's 15 now though. I would be literally horrified to have a baby now, but I think I would have felt differently if I didn't have any.

Mentally, I don't think I feel much different to my 30s, but I definitely don't have the capacity to stay awake all night now 😂

At 40, DTwins were 2 and DS was 15.

I hate the age gap to be honest. If I'd had DTwins just after DS, life would be very different now. Or not has DS until just before DTwins. My age isn't the problem. I'm a young 41 and look closer to 31. Fuck knows how, with "Ron and Reg" playing it up all day.

It means I've added ten extra child raising years, rather than them running simultaneously. Instead of DS reaching adulthood with DTwins 3 years behind, so "child free" in 3yrs, at 44....my actual situation at 44 will be having raised DS for 18yrs with another 12yrs left to go with DTwins. They will be 2yrs into primary school. From becoming a mother at 26, I'll be "child free" at 56. And that's something I would never ever do again, if I had my time again. We couldn't actually help this age gap, and I'm thrilled I have twins, so that does help, but I can't deny I am insanely jealous of my peers with their late teens, off for dinners out, weekends away, lie ins, and knowing having done all that once, just as those things were starting to happen, I've put myself back to square one and they're another ten years away again.

By the time I am 40 I will have a 16 and a 2 year old. Can't say how old I feel as at the moment it definitely swings from 25 to 75 🤣

At 40, I will have a 10 year old and a 11 year old. My youngest will finish school (at 18) and I will be 48.

I'm 47 - mine are 25, 23, 17 and 14.

So at 40 I had an 18yo, 16yo and a 10 and 7yo. I most certainly wouldn't want to start again and wouldn't of wanted a baby at 40 but that's because I'd already been through baby stage four times by then! I quite like the idea of becoming a grandparent at some point but my older children aren't interested in having babies yet.

15,13 and 9. Babies are cute but I really enjoy this stage

40 with one dc12. I love this stage. Dc is developing their independence and we still have a very close relationship. Some of my friends of the same age have small babies and it makes me recoil and I couldn't go back to that stage. I still feel very young though and I'll be 48 when dc is an adult.

TTC #1 (been trying since 37 - 14 miscarriages down).

41 with a 17 year old DD and loving it!

She has her own boyfriend, social life, is in the 2nd year of a master technician agricultural engineering apprenticeship so has her own money and is generally my best friend.

I have pre school nieces that I love to bits but they exhaust me. I love that our house is relaxed, tidy and both myself and my husband are able to enjoy our down time and I take my hat off to you @Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy and others like you who are just starting the journey. Saying that I have a few chronic illnesses that floor me daily but hadn't reared their ugly head when DD was little so that could be the reason for my feelings.

It's also really nice to go to the pub sometimes and our DD comes with us as part of the group or for a meal and just actually enjoy watching your child grow as a person and adult.

At 40 I had a 10yo and a 7yo. We decided to start TTC for number 3. Three heartbreaking miscarriages, including twins at 13 weeks, followed. I am now 43 with a nearly 13yo and a 10yo and counting my blessings.

I’m 40 this year. My two will be 15 and 11. I’m glad they’re getting older and increasing in independence. It’s been a rough ride with SEN and high levels of need, and I don’t have anything like the energy I had when they were born. I’m also pretty sure I’m perimenopausal, struggling with all manner of crappy symptoms. I couldn’t deal with starting a family or pregnancy now, and would struggle massively if they were younger. Looking forward to more freedom for myself, and rediscovering a sense of personal identity I haven’t been able to find for a long time.

Dh was thrown the other day when he realised he was getting married (to me) when his dad was his age! He’s 43 and I’m 41. Dd1 is 15 and about to do GCSEs and dtds are 11 (almost 12). It feels this decade will be massively full of change as dc become adults.

My mum was gran at 42. My neighbours mum was a gran at 34 which blows my mind 16 when she had her first baby.

I will have a 14 year old and 10 year old when I'm 40. I wouldn't have another baby for a million quid. I'm over that stage and it's wonderful.

I'm 36 now, I'll have a 6 year old and a 4 year old at 40. I feel good about it, I still have plenty energy left in me (although the second child isn't out yet).

Mine were 5 and 3. At 40 my mum's DC were 3, 10 and 17.

I'm 40 and my children are 6 and 8. Honestly can't imagine still breastfeeding or changing nappies but a lot of people probably can't imagine still having small children, my sisters were already teens when she was my age.

39 DD11 DD13.

I thought the toddler stage was hard.
😡😡🤯🤯

My step brother was a grandad at 40!!

I'm 40 and mine are in primary school. You could not pay me enough to have another. Fills me with horror. I think I should have had kids a bit earlier tbh.

I was pregnant with my first baby at 40.

42...oldest 16, youngest 10. Think I'm bang average.

I could not cope with toddler days again but oh my god...The Teen Years - on another scale altogether.

I swing between feeling young & fresh and feeling 100.

I was pregnant with my 3rd on my 40th birthday (She’s almost 3 now).

My older two were 6 and almost 17 at the time.

Big age gaps on purpose as Inhave horrific pregnancies and I love being a parent, I didn’t want having a young child to end. I wanted to be in the thick of it for as many years as possible.

By 40 my children will be 23,21,19&18

I'm nearly 40. On my 40th birthday I'll have 9yo and 12yo DDs, and an 18yo DSS.

I said to DH that I'd probably have had another one in me if we'd made the decision before our youngest started school, but I've got no interest in going back to the baby days again now. He feels very strongly that he has been parenting young children since his early 20s and doesn't want to start again (not unreasonably). I had our youngest when I was 30, just before my 31st birthday.

By contrast, at the same age my DM had a 3yo and was trying for another, who came along when she was 41. She said she felt VERY old in the maternity ward back then in the 80s - she was surrounded by women who could also have feasibly been her children.