Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

At 40 I had a 12 year old and a 14 year old. That was 23 years ago.

Now I have adult DDs in mid 30s and 2 grandchildren age 5 and 7. I think people have children later now due to Uni and the difficulty of buying houses, getting careers established etc. my elder DD has no children yet but my younger DD had her first at 28 and her second at 31.

You are as young as you feel so if you feel in your 20s or 30s that is good. I don't feel 63 either.

40 and had a 12 year old , 10 year old and 6 year old.
Bit older than that now and career back on track and enjoying the freedom of older children who can come and go and end of school gate drop off and pick up in sight .....

At 40 I had a 5 year old and a 2 year old.

I realised the other day I that I was old enough to be the mum of one of my DC’s classmates mum’s.

Mine were 6, 4 and 2 when I turned 40, and are now 8, 6 and about to turn 4. I couldn't have had them any younger as I didn't get together with DH earlier. I'm glad we're out the baby / toddler stage now but I think that's because 7 odd years of it has been enough and I'm enjoying the ability to move on now - not because I feel too old for it (DC3 still sleeps badly so still get broken nights).

What I am finding a bit harder about being 40 is a realization that we're heading up the point options in life are starting to close down. If we wanted to move abroad for example, age means it starts getting harder with visas.

Childfree and just married - had mine at 41 and 43.
Quite a number of people I met through school had their kids (or only or last) in their 40s, oldest being 46, so it felt normal. But my husband was called grandpa by a stranger when he was looking after our toddler. That made him feel pretty awful.

At 40 mine were 11, 8 & 6. I’m two years off fifty and delighted to share the celebrations with them at 21, 18 and 16!! Not so delighted by the prospect of GCSEs, a’levels and finals all at the same time!!

42 with 15 and 10 yr olds. I'm so relieved to be at the last year of primary school now. They are pretty self sufficient and independent, they can be left at home while I run errands and they get themselves up and ready for school. My nephews are little and I couldn't go back to that constant hands on parenting again.

At 40, I have a 13 and 10 year old. I honestly don't think I could have had them while younger, as I was emotionally immature and career focused. I had them, when I felt ready. But I wouldn't like any more.

I'm 40 and have a 7 year old and am pregnant with another due in November - I'll be 41 by then. I wanted dc late 20s/ early 30's but dh wasn't ready, then secondary infertility and recurrent loss mucked up our desired 2 year age gap. I quite wanted 3 but don't think I want to be 43 or so and ttc/pregnant. Also the fertility treatment has taking a massive toll financially.

I'm a secondary teacher and parents evening blows my mind. I meet parents both younger and much older than me. I also hear the students discussing how old their parents are and it makes me feel sad that I'm older than I wanted to be having kids.

At 40,I had a 9 year old who is now 13.I only had the one and 31 was the right age for me.I only wanted the one and am enjoying the freedom and less hands on parenting of this age.

I wanted a baby at 30, but had nobody to have one with and couldn’t afford a house or other expenses associated with kids. I was nearly 40 by the time I got myself into a suitable position with enough money to give my kid a decent life.

Unfortunately that has meant that I didn’t bounce back from pregnancy because I was older, it has caused some serious permanent damage. And I found it very hard to cope with being tired and basically had a breakdown. I had no support because my own mother was too elderly to help me out. I still struggle to work and have a life without free grandparent childcare. And I’m starting to have health issues which restrict what I can do with DC, I’m no longer fit enough to cycle or play football.

If I’d been younger I’d have bounced back physically, my mum would have been young enough to help me out, I could have given her the baby and gone back to work. I would still have had nights out and couple holidays while she babysat, so my marriage wouldn’t have been virtually destroyed by having no child free time. I would have been fit enough to do more with DC. This is the sort of life I’ve seen my peers having, because they had kids in their 20s. And now they’re early 40s and free to start a new life, a new career, travel etc. Meanwhile my fellow mums of five year olds don’t want to know me because I’m geriatric compared to them.

So yeah, big mistake getting pregnant at 40. I totally didn’t realise what the problems would be until they happened. The only plus is that people tend to assume I’m younger than I am.

I was still trying to expand my family in my early forties. I’m now knocking on 50 and absolutely delighted we only had two. We can afford piano lessons, tutoring, sports training and for me to be part time. I’m also just the right side of busy without being exhausted. So I’m content.

I’ve just turned 40 and my girls are 19 & 16

I celebrated my 40th birthday with my family including teenage DS, DD's 9 & 6 DS 3 and I was three months pregnant! I have a friend the same age as me who is a great grandmother several times over while I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my first grandchildren having just celebrated our youngest daughter's wedding. I think the big gap between oldest and youngest means I'm really not sure how old I am!

I’ve got preteens but I feel so ready to be a granny 😂

40 is five years away for me, I’ll have a 13 year old and a 6 year old. When my husband turns 40 we’ll have an 17 year old and a 10 year old. We’re very young parents in the adoption world.

Just turned 40 and have a 3 year old.

We decided to wait so we could travel and live a bit before having a family, and I still think that was best for us, there was no way I was ready for children in my 20's!

I'm 40 and my girls are 6yrs & 3.5yrs and son is 16 months. We are definitely complete! I personally am very glad I became a mother when I did - it was the right age for me. It's different for everyone x

When I was 40 they were 17 and 13. I’m now 48 with a grandchild.

There are people I went to school with who are still in the early stages of parenthood and a couple with grandchildren at secondary school (only just though).

To each their own!

when I turned 40 my children were 6 and 2. Felt slightly too old to be coping with my high energy, sleep avoiding 2 year old and definitely too old to be even contemplating a newborn! I feel that for me and my own situation, I had my children at the right age. I wouldn't change a thing. I have friends with adult children and even one who's a grandmother.
My own grandmother birthed children over 20 years from 22 to 42, the eldest was often used as a babysitter for the younger ones and left home as soon as she could, the youngest lost her parents when she was still relatively young and watched them battle with their health for years. The middle ones seemed to have the happiest childhood.

I'll be 40 in 6 months and will have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 1 year old. Definitely not having any more and agree I still feel a lot younger and the age of my children definitely contributes towards that. My husband and I both look quite young for our age too which probably helps. We didn't meet until we were early 30s and both thoroughly enjoyed being single and travelling in our 20s and then building careers and enjoying married life in our early 30s before kids. Wouldn't have wanted it any other way so was perfect for us but of course everyone is different :-)

When i was 40 our children were 14 and 12.

I'm 38 so almost there. Will have a 5 and 8 year old by the time we turn 40. I've be Eve thought about the fact I could have been a granny by now/then...wow!

I definitely enjoyed being a parent later. Gave me and DH plenty of time to work on our careers, our relationship and travel lots.

We have a pretty solid set up now and we feel happy at where we are at.

Don't feel 38 at all though, in my head I'm still in my 20s. Get told I don't look my age either (thanks to tretinoin) so that helps!

40 and currently feeding my 10 week old after almost 6 years ttc. Older than we’d like but most of our friends had kids post 35 and we know four couples our who have had a baby in the last few months so we don’t stand out.

In contrast my husband’s sister had kids in her early twenties so there is a 16 year gap between my daughter and her eldest cousin.

43 my youngest is 12, 15 and eldest 20, got pregnant again at 40 but decided I couldn't go through with it again, it's different if you don't already have children though, and didn't plan to get divorced by 40!