Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

40, mum to 3 dc aged 14, 11 and 7

40, with a 10 and 12 year old. The baby factory is firmly shut. I’ve lost 11 stone and had a tummy tuck. I am DONE. 🤣

To all the mums starting families in their 40s hats off to you, I'm in my forties and I feel grim most mornings without babies a young children.

I'm 42. I have children between the ages of 24- 14 years old. I also have a grandchild.

I was childless at 40. Had mine at 42 - meanwhile a friend was becoming a grandmother at that age!!

I do think the age you have kids really affects your outlook and how old you “seem”. I have 2 sisters in law - one the same age as me (33) and one the same age as my sister (39). I don’t have any kids yet but we’d like to starting trying in the next couple of years.

My SIL who is my age has a 4 year old and a 1 year old (she also has a husband 10 years older) and she seems so much older than me that if someone told me she was 43 I wouldn’t question it. And I don’t actually go out to bars or nightclubs or anything so it’s not about that, more an outlook and way of being?

My sister & her DH have a 1 year old whereas my SIL & BIL the same age have 2 DC, aged 10 and 6. I often forget they’re the same age as my sis because they seem positively middle aged, whereas my sister feels to me like she’s around my age!

I do think there’s other factors, like having 2 DC changes the dynamic, people who have DC younger tend to live in the suburbs rather than the city in a big family house, my SIL is also a SAHM and they’re a bit more old fashioned in outlook.

I just find it fascinating how in your teens and early 20s it feels like everyone your age is at the same life stage and then the gap widens so much when people have children!

When I'm 40 mine will be 23, 20, 18 and 10. I don't think I'll have any more before then.....but then I said that after my third 😂🤦

I had twins young-ish. I’m 39 now and they’re 18. I honestly couldn’t have seen myself having anymore and being able to cope in the last 9 years, though if I’d wanted more I would have had more. I suppose I’m old enough for one of them to come home pregnant and be a grandmother, but I’d be devastated. I don’t want them to have children young, like me. And I definitely don’t want to be a granny anytime soon. Selfishly, I want to be going on holidays and progressing my career rather than having babysitting duties or a baby in the house since they still live here. I don’t want to go back to night feeds and nappies.

I’m 39 with an 11 year old and a 1 year old. Although I’d have loved to have 2 together my baby days are over. At 38 I found pregnancy harder and I found being a new mum harder. I’m so much more tired than I was first time round and I found it mentally tough to accept my new body that didn’t just spring back like it did in my 20s.

I had a 3.5 year old. I'm now 43 and have been wondering if I should try for another...but probably won't.

I turn 40 next year and I'll have a 6, 4, and 1 year old.

I have a friend who will have a 17 and 15 year old.

Her life revolved around children in her 20s and I know she envied my life (she said so), but I now envy her having her life "back" at such a young age.

That said I didn't have the money/stability to do it any sooner whereas she was living with her in-laws so had a roof over her head and free on tap childcare.

My oldest will turn 16 5 months before my 40th Birthday and my youngest will turn 15 5 months after my 40th. My husband is slightly older than me and will be 44 when the kids are 16/15.

I'm 34 now and would hate to start again. They are at a lovely age where they are gaining their independence, I'm getting a bit more freedom, we can go on lovely holidays together and a baby right now would just not fit in to all that.

Neither of my children were planned, both happened on contraception, and I was sterilised at 26 (a year after having my 2nd) but if I hadn't of had kids when I did and if I didn't already have kids I wouldn't be put off having some near 40- the think that puts me off now is that I've done it all twice- sleepless nights, financial struggles paying for childcare etc. We are just now in a place where we have spare money where we can go abroad or regular days out.

My mum had 5 kids by the time she was 25 and was a grandmother by 39. She is 57 now with 10 grandchildren.

Currently just turned 38. When I'm 40 my son will be 13 and my daughter about to turn 6.

Loads of 15+ age gaps.

Are these second relationships / conceiving issues? That seems crazy to me.

At forty I was expecting my first baby. I understand how you feel as I could have gc in double figures by now. I’m the same age as Princess Diana would be and it blows my mind that I could have a son Prince William’s age when my eldest is actually twenty. I was a very young looking forty something though so I never looked like I was my kids grandmother.

When I’m 40 I will have a 16 year old, 14 year old and 13 year old! Couldn’t think of anything worse than having another 😂

Don’t get me wrong the newborn nights are exhausting, but after 6 years trying to have her and wondering if I would ever be a parent I certainly don’t feel grim. I feel the opposite of grim!

Question to those who had kids in their early twenties, was your partner the same age? Thinking back to my twenties I can’t imagine any of the boys I knew wanting children at that age and actively planning a pregnancy with a partner.

At 40 mine will be 19, 11 and 9. I made a very conscious decision that I didn’t want to have kids after 30. My parents and grandparents were young parents, DH’s parents were young parents. The idea of starting at 40 gives me palpitations.

42 with 8 (soon be 9) and 5 years olds

When I’m 40 mine will be 16 and 10. I feel this is a nice age and can’t imagine having another now. Although things were more difficult when youngest was a baby as we had less money but it worked out in the end.

I’m currently 40 and have a 3 year old. I probably wish I had kids slightly earlier but wouldn’t have given up having fun in my twenties for anything. I got to travel and experience life which I am less bothered about doing now. I feel like I am more emotionally mature and ready than when I still wanted to have fun all the time and learning to look after myself when I was younger. Most of my friends are in the same position.

wouldn’t have given up having fun in my twenties for anything. I got to travel and experience life

I spent my 20s parenting and building my career and my God did I experience life! I started travelling in my 40s, staying in nice hotels and eating in places 20 somethings could only dream of. I’m very glad I did it my way round.

I'm 41 and mine are 12 and almost 15. I've had broody moments over the last couple of years when my hormones have tried to convince me I'd love another baby but overall I'm happy with my 2 and enjoying the extra time to myself now they're more independent.

Mum of 6, had my eldest when I was 26 and my youngest when I was 37 (I'm now 45 and kids are 19 17 15 13 9 and 8) I cried when he was born because I knew I'd never go through it again. I said no more children once I got to 40, and I already had 6 tbf so that wasn't a difficult choice! I've had amazingly easy pregnancies and births and always enjoyed being pregnant. But I wouldn't want to go through that again, it's nice now not having to take a pram anywhere, to know the kids don't need watching constantly!

I’m 34 myself with a 11 month old and 3 year old which I feel is the pretty standard age for my generation to have kids, but I definitely want one more in the 3-4 years. Physically I feel I’ll be absolutely fine!

My mum on the other hand, had me at 19 then my brother at 34 and my sister at 36. She definitely found it a lot harder! She also made my Nan a grandmother at 44 which blows my mind a little, I could have quite easily made my Mum a Nanny before she was 40