Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

40 with a 19 and 16 year old. Glad I had them young. The thought of having a young child at my age is what nightmares are made of.

40, pregnant and have a 3yo. I suspect this will be my last. Wish I felt late 20s but I really don't at the moment!

40 with 2 children one 20, one a teen. Going to be grandmother this year. Still in shock.

By 40 mine will be nearly 3,5 and 7.

I'm 40, with a 7 year old, 5 year old and expecting #3. I'm fit and healthy and pregnancy all good- under consultant care due to age and consultant had a chuckle that as a long-distance runner, I'm healthier than most 25 year olds. I'm glad I didn't have children younger, we're financially stable, relationship very stable and I got the opportunity to spend years travelling, paying off mortgage with hubby etc before having kids which has made it very stress-free. The age gap occasionally hits me when a grandparent collects a child from school and they're the same age as me or we talk about the kids liking music from our childhood and I'm talking wham and they're talking one direction. Ha!

Married at 24 and baby at 25. I’m now 49 with a 24 year old 😊 who is married and has their own successful career.
I love having my independence and life back but miss the little person they were.
Grandchildren next and we can’t wait!

When I'm 40 I will have a 7 and 5 year old. Most of my friends who have kids are around my age and our kids are similar ages.

Great thread OP. At 40 I was pregnant with my first. About to have our third now at 46. Life is good!

I had mine at 25, now almost 37 and so grateful i dont have toddlers, i just dont have the energy. I feel quite anxious at the thought of having a late baby and having to start all over again, it would REALLY screw things up financially and I have no desire to, not broody at all. I'm ready for grandkids instead! 😂

When my mum was 40 I was 22, I felt safe knowing my mum was never going to have more kids cause she was way past it. Like old. When I was 22 it was practically unheard of for people at 40 having babies.
Fast forward to now and I'm 40! Everyone is having babies at 40.
I'm 40 with a 8 year old. I always said I didjt want to be be young mum (wanted a baby no earlier than 30 but no later than 35) mostly down to feeling like the age gap with my own mum was too short but now I've experience being a mum I definitely wish I had started much much earlier. Like between 20 and 25. I feel 80 physically even tho my brain feels early 20s.
Due to having a baby I gained a life changing illness so I've spent the whole time battling it. I was set on having an only child but now my DC is almost half way through primary and at the point of not playing toys or believing in santa I feel this urge that I'd like more children but it's too late for me. If I had started earlier I'd have had more.

at 40 I was mum to a 17 and 13 year old, so finally had a bit more independence after many years of being a single mum. Now 46, they have both left home and it’s very quiet.

Exactly the same as you. Still breast feeding a baby at 40. Keeps us young.

Still in the IVF TTC shitstorm, but am currently 35 so if this does work for us I'll likely be closer to 40 than I wanted to be as a first time mum. I never wanted or saw myself having children so late, but it's the crappy cards we have been dealt, and 4 stressful years later I'm of the view that any child is a blessing whatever my age. Having said that, I think 40 may be my cut off trying, got to give up some time right? 😔

I had a three year old and a one year old. Like you and your husband I think we felt younger than our biological ages, and I also used to find it bizarre when people in their 40s had children who had left home.

Now this seems like hubris! In my mid-40s I feel tired, creaky, and old to be the parent of primary school aged-children. Friends who are starting families at my current age seem increasingly misguided, even selfish. Perhaps this is partly because two friends with young children in their 40s have died in the last year (both suddenly, one of a heart attack). But ill and ageing parents are also a reminder that youth is definitely over.

Mine will be 6 when I'm 40 and who knows maybe a second by then! I don't regret waiting until now to have a baby with the right person and being more emotionally and physically stronger. Plus I got to have all my freedom younger and now it feels right to dedicate my time to my little one 😊

When I’m 40, DS will be 17 and hopefully o won’t be a grandma!

When I was 40 my DCs were 9 and 7. Pretty average I’d say.
Felt a lot younger than I do now, but I have friends my age (early 50s) who have children of 10/11 and I’m glad mine are adults now as my health isn’t as good as it was, I would struggle w young ones now.

The year I turned 40 my kids turned 6, 10 & 12. I’m 48 now with 2 adults abs a nearly 14yo. I was about average age at DS1’s school gate, probably above average for DS3’s.

40yo with a 16yo, 13yo, 7yo and 5yo. Couldn't imagine having a newborn just now as I just don't have the patience the way I used to years ago. I am exhausted and need lots of sleep each night.

I have health issues now which are worse now in my 40s. Would be crap coping with newborn stage at this stage of my life. I just am not as fit as I used to be.

I am 40, my youngest is not even 2.
My grandma was 38 when I was born and 43 when my sibling was born. 🤯 People are surprised to hear my grandma is still alive.

i have two school friends from secondary: one has a 22 year old and one has a 19 year old.

When I was 40 my children were 3 and 6. All perfectly average in my friendship group,
profession (law) and at my DC’s schools. My female cousins and ex SIL were all older than me when they had their first children.

On my 40th birthday, finally drawing a line under my infertility after four painful years.

On my 41st birthday, I had a six week old!

No idea how that happened. Infertility was always unexplained. I seriously hated people who said that it'd happen when I stopped trying.

DD is light of my life and I pinch myself everyday. Maybe I would have been less tired earlier, but who knows? I feel slight regret that she is an only child but there's nothing to be done about that and I count my blessings instead!

DH is 40 and our kids are aged 3 and 11 months.

When I turn 40 they'll be 13 and 11.

I'm so looking forward to them being a bit more independent when I reach that age.

I had my first at 26 which felt quite young in comparison to my friends but it doesn't feel young now. We're done and looking forward to the baby years almost being done!

40 with a 15 yo. Ideal for me. Would not even consider another at this age.