Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

At 40 my DS was 12. Had him fairly young (for where I live) and lots of people comment on that. Loads of colleagues having their first in their 40s and I really don't envy them at all - would not cope with the sleep deprivation!

When I turned 40 I was 10 weeks pregnant with my first and last DC.

Half way through being 40 I became a mum for the first and only time.

A woman who I went to school with was a grandmother before I became a mum!

I have a 17 year old, no grandchildren! I'd be terrified if I got pregnant now, no concerns about having a baby or toddler, but of still being responsible for a teen into my late fifties. I'd be shocked if I became a grandmother now but would provide any support I could. I feel ready to be a grandmother myself, but my child is too young of course. I do have young nephews.

Had all 3 of mine before I was 27. Eldest was 15 when I was 40. My kids however didn’t have kids till they were late 30s and 40s….so at nearly 70 I have very young grandkids and as a granny I’m struggling. For reference my nan was 37 when her first grandchild was born and my mum was 46. They were young grandparents with lots of energy, helped looking after their grandkids daily.

Having kids later has the knock on effect of either having much older grandparents or no grandparents. I don’t think having kids later is a bad thing…but it definitely has an impact.

I had a 6 year old and was pregnant with number 2. 10 years ago. Love them both very much and I’m very, very lucky.

At 40 I had a 12 year old, 16 and 20.
I loved because by a young mum and I love having adult children now, enjoying my career and freedom to travel etc.,- I’m 47 now.
i would not have wanted a baby or a grandchild at that stage!

7 and 10 year old, I’m 40. Feel about 18 in my head and often am surprised that I’m actually a proper adult and have been for a while 😂

at 40 I had a 6yo and a 1 yo.

Am now 52 and it is all much much better!

I'm 51 now with an empty nest.
at 40 I had an 18 and 15 year old..

At 40, mine will be 20, 19, 16 and 6!
Our youngest one was the sweetest little surprise, but man oh man, I’m tired! I feel like the opposite to you OP, I feel so old that in my mind I’m late 60’s! 😂

At 40 mine will be 5 and 3-ish (I’m currently nearly 38 with a 2y8m old and a 5month old).

I’m not there yet, I’ll have an 18 and 16 year old, not planning on having anymore either so life will be very different compared to now

I am 36, and when I'm 40 I will have DDs ages 12 and 10. Am hoping to have another Bulldog by then too, so will have a bully aged 5 and...2? 😆

I am 40 in January. I have an 18 year old, an 8 year old and a 1 year old. Ttc number 4 but knowing full well it is unlikely to happen. As you can probably tell by the age gaps, having babies doesn't come easily to us. No grandbabies, I think having much younger siblings is a very good contraceptive! 🤣

When I turned 40 my kids were 9 and 6, so fairly typical for my demographic, maybe a couple of years ahead of most of it in that I was 'only' 30 when first was born. My mum had 3 kids by the age of 28! In my mid 40s and finally entering that time when we don't need babysitters or to organise every day of the holiday for at least one child.

I find it fascinating how these things change - when I was a kid, adverts always showed parents of young kids as in their 20s, but I'll never forget really noticing at advert, over 20 years ago - I think for Aviva insurance - that featured a couple going for their first baby scan. And the man was clearly in his 40s, woman maybe late 30s - because the advertisers had realised that to reach the sort of educated, middle class audience they would want to appeal to, it would be unrealistic and unrelateable to show a couple in their 20s. Their audience would be more likely to be starting a family post mid 30s. And that's now the norm.

I'm 50. Had my first at 17, he is nearly 33. I am also the proud owner of 2 more boys aged 16 and 17. No grandchildren yet, and tbh I'm not sure I'd be a very good Grandma. I've spent nearly my whole adult life raising my boys my myself. I love them all beyond belief but I'm done! Also I live in a different country to my eldest so.....

I’m 41 - we have 4 boys (eldest is my stepson). 20, 17, 11 & 8. So we have a big age gaps between our 2 sets of boys. I liked being a younger mum, but I’m glad I’ve still got youngest children now.
That said, if I’d have known how hard the get when they’re older I might not have had had many! The 20 & 17 year old are causing a lot of stress and tension in the house!

At 40 I was childfree, great career and loving my freedom/social life.

I had my children at 42, 43 and 45. I’m now 50 with children aged 4, 6 and 8 and I LOVE it! I know several people my age and younger who are grandparents! But it doesn’t bother me at all. I had my children at the right time for me and my life.

At 40 I had a 10 and 13 year old. I’m 46 now, they’re 17 and 20. I don’t know what’s scariest at this point, the fact I could have a baby or that I could have a grandchild!

Interesting thought!

When I’m 40 I will have an 11 year old, a 10 year old and a 4 year old. I started having children in my late 20’s but I know a few people having their first in their early 40s and also who had their first as teens. It’s interesting to see those who had there’s in their teens still relatively young and living the kind of child free life and conversely those who are only just starting a bit later on (e.g. 40) and are at square 1.

39 (and 51 weeks) and have a 6 year old and a 3 year old.

Mine will be 4, 6 and 8. To be honest I would have loved to start sooner, but the cards just didn’t stack up right for us until we hit early 30’s.

Me too. My kids are 19 and 9 and I’m currently 4+ weeks pregnant. I’m 39 but will be 40 when baba is born. Feel free to messsge me if you want to chat x

Early 40s with a child just about to start y8 and another about to go into y6. I am glad I don't have young children any more!