Your stage of parenting at 40

[Isthistherealworldisthisjustfantasy]

Where are you at?
How do you feel about it?

I'm 40 and have a young family. I had my last baby last year. Still breastfeeding.

In my mind, I feel like I'm late 20s/early 30s and my stage of parenting kind of fits in with this delusion.

A few days ago, a father and son were on Instagram. The dad was 41 and the son was a big strapping 22 year old man, and at first, my husband (who is 41) was a bit discombobulated. I reminded him that we are old enough to not just have adult children, but grandchildren too. We sat there with our minds blowing. We do understand the maths, obviously, but we feel in such a different stage of life to our biological ages.

We started talking about how a woman has quite a long season where she can potentially get pregnant. I just saw on the news that Natasha Hamilton, who is 41, is pregnant, and I had a moment of feeling a pang of envy before I reminded myself that while I'd love another child, we are stopping at the 3 we have. I know that lots of 40 year old women would be horrified at the thought of pregnancy as their children are teens or adults.

Anyway, I think around 40 is a unique period of time in a woman's life where she can technically be a grandmother and still get pregnant and I was wondering where you all are by 40!

How old are your kids? Have you any grandchildren? Did you have all of your kids when you were young, spread over time or not until later? How would you feel if you got pregnant now? How would you feel if you became a grandmother now? Has anyone experienced both at the same time?

At 40, mine were 11, 8 and 4. The last one was a surprise, and it definitely made me feel at a different stage in life to friends with kids similar ages to my older ones - especially financially. They were all moving house, and going on nice holidays, having been able to save loads in the 4 years without childcare fees, whereas we were haemorrhaging money on nursery, and about to start all over again with primary school.

Mine were teens when I reached 40.

I had a 9 month old on my 40th birthday.

I’m 32 but when I’m 40 I’ll have a 16 year old and an 11 year old. I’m glad I had my kids when I did- I felt very young (was 26 in london so an anomaly in our friendship group) but she was the best surprise and spoilt rotten by everyone 😂 now our friends are all having babies I can enjoy their newborns vicariously but go back to our hectic but no nappy no weaning no tantrum house which is a dream!
My SIL is 45 and has a 6 year old and a newborn. There’s no best time- she is having a fabulous time.

14 not 16! Maths not my strong point…

I had my second (last) child a fortnight before I was 41. I also had a 3 year old.

First (and probably only) DC was born when I was 40.

I was in a long term relationship, home owner and heading for marriage in my late 20s - everything went to shit around 30 and I feel like my 30s were probably like most peoples 20s! Met now DH at 35, started ttc a year later - it took a while!

Most of my mum friends are a bit younger, though not massively so. I don’t feel any different to them really. I don’t feel any more tired than I did in my 30s, aside from the tiredness that comes from having an almost 3 year old who thinks sleep is for the weak. People express surprise when they find out how old I am - though possibly they are just being kind.

I'm 38 with 2 DD aged 18 and 20. I couldn't think of anything worse being pregnant now to be honest as I don't think I have the energy. When I was pregnant with the girls and even after they were born everything was so easy, I didn't worry and had so much energy to be a fun mum, didn't have as many worries or pressure as I do now.

Not at all criticising anyone for having children when they are in or near their 40s, I just think it can be very different experiences and pros and cons for both but personally I would never change how I done it if I had the option

I'll be 40 in 5 years. I'll have a 21, 15 and 13 year old. I won't have any more biological children (last pregnancy was enough of a scare and I really don't do well carrying!). I still feel in my head the same as I did at 20 and imagine I will then, too. I would be open to fostering but DH is not so sure yet.

At 40, I had a 13 yr old and a 9 yr old and definitely didn’t want any more children. Most of my good friends at that age had under fives.

I think you’re right about your forties being a really different stage for different folk, perhaps now more than ever. I’m 46 with a 19 and 15 year old. I work with two women who are both 47. One has a 26 yr old son and is about to become a grandmother. The other has 4 yr old twins!

I had my second 3 years ago when I was almost 40. First baby at 36.

Blows my mind when I think if we'd had kids young we could be grandparents by now! Even though I have a friend with a 20 year old it feels so odd.

Not there yet but they’ll be 12.5 and 8 when I am 40.

52 now, but on my 40th birthday I had an 8 month old son and was still to conceive my youngest (born 6 weeks after my 41st birthday) so they are now 13 and 11.

When I turned 40 I had 10, 8 and 6 year olds.

Was glad then to be past the baby stage, I had a rough few years physically following pregnancy and with pnd.

I'm 52 now and they're 23, 21 and 19. Loving the young adult stage.

At 40 I had a 6 year old, a 1 year old and I was pregnant with my 3rd. At 45 I have a 12 year old, 7 year old and a 5 year old! Mentally I feel about 21 but physically I feel like an oap 🤣

42 with a 10 yo.
Not interested in any more, I'm way too tired all the time to be able to deal with a baby at this stage.

I had my DC at the right age for me.

At 40 I had an 18 year old dd from my first marriage and 4 and 3 year old dc from my second husband.

So at 40 I was mainly knackered 🤣

Wouldn't change anything though. I have found that I'm a very different parent to my younger 2 than my eldest.

At 40 mine were 3 and 5. I felt fine and a pretty similar age to most school Mums. Glad we waited, it was a good time of our lives to have them.

Just over a year later at 41 I feel totally shattered! A friend is about to have her first at 42 and the thought of dealing with a newborn now fills me with horror, though I appreciate that might be the cumulative affect of 7 years of pregnancy/newborns/toddlers taking its toll. Hopefully she’ll be much fresher and less tired!

I'll be 40 next year and DD will have turned 11 6 weeks beforehand.

I have two friends - one just gone 40 and one 42 - that will shortly be having their first grandchildren and it blows my mind.

A couple of girls I went to school with became grandmothers at 36 and 38 while some others hadn't even had their first children yet. I still feel too young for children and I'm in my 40s! Can't get my head around being a grandmother.

It’s very weird you are so amazed women can have children different ages, how can this be new to you?

Im almost 40 and I have young children. My best friend from high school (same age) has adult children and 3 grandchildren! Totally different worlds.

44 and mine are 22, 20, 17 & 15 so almost completely independent I felt smug and excited when I got to my 40's and realised that thanks to having my babies young, we would soon be able to do what we wanted, more or less when we wanted but then........peri menopause hit and feel like I've aged 20 years, too exhausted, anxiety ridden and hot (temperature, definitely not in looks) to do anything....so that has been exciting! 😀

I'm 40 and have a 17 and 18 year old.

A bit scary to think I technically could be a granny! I am quite broody but wouldn't/couldn't have another now.

You sound a bit like Absolutely Fabolous when they were on drugs and thought everything was amazing