Do you think you subconsciously judge other mothers' with 2+ fathers to their children?

[mysavinggrace123]

Could potentially have three children by three different fathers. (Already have two by two)

This isn't particularly something I would shout from the roof tops.

There is a part of me that feels I would have a tarnished reputation.

I mean, do I judge women with 2+ (children) fathers myself...?? Hmmm... I can't say I do, but I have definitely been 'surprised' by a few women who I would have never expected.

What do you think?

more people need to have your mentality but unfortunately human nature is very selfish.

I used to work in social services and I seen so many chaotic families where the mother seemed to have this belief that you have a child in every relationship no matter how worthless the man is.

The record I’ve seen is 8 kids by 8 different fathers and that was actually someone I knew through a friend .

When I first met her I asked her what country the children’s dads are from ( it came up in conversation) expecting her to name ONE country, and she began proudly reeling off a list of different countries. She said she’s trying for a football team of different nationalities - unfortunately I think she wasn’t joking.

The sad thing is her kids are in and out of care and most of the fathers aren’t involved.

And I’d never go near a man who had kids with multiple women. I agree that’s even worse because usually they’re not the main custodial parent.

Yes, definitely.

I come from a family with 3 kids to 3 different dads. Try as I might, I cannot feel connected to my family and I have always longed for that familial bond. Because of that, I judge my own mother. I just wish she'd have thought about me, her first child, when making life altering decisions for me.

Thanks @Oatycookies. My decisions were all driven by my own childhood experience. Time after time I see examples here of people making decisions based purely on their own want or need, seemingly without a passing thought to the whole separate human life they're bringing into the world and how they'll be affected by it. It honestly blows my mind.

My late partner had three children by two women.
And my own mother had three children by two men.
It depends on the circumstances. I know someone who had a child with a foreign National - she wanted a child, he wanted leave to remain in the UK, nothing else, and then she had a second child very quickly with a man she’d just met who turned out to be abusive and alcoholic. That’s unwise behaviour.
But Kate Winslet has three children by three men, and I kind of admire her for her emotional journeying.

@Polik I offer my children stability. My ex not so much so since he decided that chasing women young enough to be his daughter online was more fun than his wife and kids. But I get the flak. People judge me for being a single mum and not him for making me one.

My first husband died young, 2 children. Second husband fucked off with another woman, 1 child. Present partner of 21yrs, 1 child. All doing well, school, uni, careers.Not everyone has the fairytale ending. Judge away.

I have 2 by 2 dad's. I was married both times and there is 8 years between them.
There are a lot if young women with babies in my town because that's where the council sends them. I don't judge because I don't know how old they are or if they are single plus it's none of my business.

After 3 I would feel sorry for the children, especially the oldest ones, who are the ones paying for parents who only consider "what they want" in the decision to have children, and not what they can offer to an increasing number of people they bring into this already overpopulated and fucked up world.

Why does anyone need to have a child with every single partner they have?

I’m pretty judgmental of men with multiple children by different partners, they tend to have given up a lot of their responsibility. At least the women live with their choices and make the best of it.

I’m probably far more judgmental of women so conditioned by misogyny that they’ll refer to other women as ‘trashy’ because they’ve had multiple sexual partners. That truly is poor behaviour.

Agree with all of this

Same here.

Anybody can get unlucky twice but three or more times with different fathers really is not sensible. Though it could be the third father was much further down the line and the couple sta yed toge ther it does depend I guess.

Yes. Equally men and women.

Yes.

2 I understand but even then there often there are sometimes difficulties because a child is not a biological child. You see it all over mumsnet, kids not being included by the new steparent or their family, harsher judgements on non biological kids etc. A lot of men then seem to use the new partner as a childminder. Personally I wouldn’t risk that with my own DD. I wouldn’t judge someone for having 2 but I would be wondering if the kids are really happy. Not saying it can’t work brilliantly but there are things that need to be negotiated.

3+ I’d think that person has difficulty with decision making and perhaps isn’t considering their existing children either. I wouldn’t think they were a bad or stupid person I would think they had trauma of some kind, they thought that a baby sealed a relationship or that they really really like kids.

Also I absolutely judge men, they are often doing a much shittier job with their own children than women with children from multiple partners. At least the mums tend to stick around.

I don't think I would judge, I've always grown up with the belief that we shouldn't judge anyone.
And it is impossible to walk in someone else's shoes . Two is of course very common.
I think multiple dads would be even more common if more people were pro life and therefore any one of us who has had an abortion with a previous partner, for example when they were young, would be very hypocritical to judge a woman who perhaps didn't want to do that for whatever reason.

At work, I come across quite a few men who have children by multiple women and I do judge the men a lot. They are usually proud of being a dad to many children but don’t do much fathering and certainly don’t financially support all their children. I don’t know any women who have children by more than two Dad’s but if I did, I would think they had poor judgement. You don’t have to have a child in every relationship.

2 fathers, no. Over three yes, not really subconsciously either. And I think really badly of men who have kids with multiple women as they don’t have to deal with the consequences!

Just thought about it and a bit ashamed to say I would. Probably not with 2 dads, as some people end up pregnant young and then find the one after that.

3+ however, I think I would.

I don’t know anyone (woman or man) with children by different partners. I would find it surprising and wonder what led them to such a decision. The high profile people with such families, such as Boris Johnson, are poor role models.

I don't care enough to judge.
That sounds oddly horrible reading it back. Other people just living their lives, not hurting anyone, not committing crimes, I don't waste my time thinking about them at all.
That sounds even worse 🤦.

No. I don't judge.

I have two kids by two men.

I married and had my first child aged 21/22

Second husband met at age 28, still together now 5 years later and is a much happier and healthier relationship. If I split from current husband, I would not have a third child or be bothered to marry again.

I do judge 3x3 tbh, I dont see why after two marriages etc you want to go through it all again with kids etc.

I judge lots of people for lots of reasons.

Would depend on circs really. My mum has 3 kids by two men. She was married to the first for years, then he cheated and they broke up. Some years later she got together with someone else and they had another child when I was 10. Nothing scandalous her end.

I'd probably grimace internally if someone had 3 under 5's by 3 different people. It doesn't scream stability.