Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

This is the perhaps worst thing I've read. God almighty.

157 replies

HolyHellaciousHeck · 25/07/2023 17:59

[Massive content warning for abuse and child death]

This story is appalling. Every part of it is worse than the previous part. This poor, poor girl. What a horrible short life and awful death she had. God almighty.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-66300209

Amber Niven

Brother found guilty of Amber Gibson's murder

Connor Gibson has been convicted of sexually assaulting and killing his 16-year-old sister in 2021.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-66300209

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 27/07/2023 03:39

missyounot · 26/07/2023 10:46

This is so tragic and disturbing. The poor child was abused from birth to death - and even after her death.

And I feel sure there are many children and young people out there living a hell similar to that Amber endured - inadequate/abusive birth parents, bouncing between foster families and group homes - it is a terrible life and I can't help but think there must be a better way.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion but I also feel compassion for Connor. We know that it is vital for a child to be nurtured especially during their first 1000 days - or 3 years - as that's when neuro pathways are formed and in essence, the child's character and competence are formed. We also know that Connor had 5 years with his birth parents, so 2 years longer than Amber, and that his father is an extremely violent sex offender. I suggest that Connor's troubles were created very early in his life and that he needed extremely robust support throughout his childhood and teen years, probably forever.

The foster parents quoted sound like wonderful people and I can only imagine what they fielded during their years with the siblings. I also read that Connor was in a special school for young people with mental and emotional problems so it isn't as though he was overlooked, he just needed so much more than was available. I can't help but wonder if he has a brain injury as is so common in violent offenders.

I get no joy or satisfaction from reports describing him as evil etc. As the foster parents said, they have one child buried and another in prison. It is a terrible tragedy all round.

I can understand Amber wanting to meet up with her big brother even if it was considered dangerous; she was so young and essentially alone in the world. He was her only blood relative. When you're young, you keep hoping and imagining that things will get better.

Your argument about ‘poor Connor’ doesn’t stack up though when you consider that Amber also grew up with the abusive father and didn’t go on to be abusive. This is about power and control and male entitlement and there is nothing ‘poor’ about Connor.

LuluBlakey1 · 27/07/2023 07:49

usedtobeasizeten · 26/07/2023 11:22

….and yet it is reported she was excited to meet up with him.

Show quote history

I suspect she was a very damaged, vulnerable girl, that the relationship with her brother had no proper boundaries and she simply did not know what was and wasn't 'normal' in relationships of any kind. Being excited about seeing her brother is what she thought she should feel.

LiloP · 27/07/2023 07:55

And we don’t know what he told her/promised her to pursuade her to meet up.

LuluBlakey1 · 27/07/2023 07:55

Warning- these are awful reports from our local paper in the last couple of days about domestic violence. The sentences received are pathetic and the men in question should be jailed for many years. Their behaviour is horrific. It makes me so angry that people defend men and make excuses for them- every one has a choice in whatever they do, many men choose to hate and hurt women. These men don't care at all.

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/newcastle-woman-miscarried-after-being-27397621

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/byker-thug-who-subjected-partner-27392134

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/north-east-teenager-who-strangled-27400769

Thug subjected partner to two attacks including ripping off underwear in public

Jon Spillings, of Byker, subjected the woman to two beatings in the space of a few weeks in Newcastle

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/byker-thug-who-subjected-partner-27392134

LovelyIssues · 27/07/2023 16:08

Gosh this is horrific. What a short unfair life she led.

ohsuzannah · 27/07/2023 20:08

Read the Cathy Glass book "Damaged "
It will give you some idea of what people can be like, and the sort of abuse that some children have to go through 😢

Sugarfree23 · 27/07/2023 20:39

Jazzicatz · 27/07/2023 03:39

Your argument about ‘poor Connor’ doesn’t stack up though when you consider that Amber also grew up with the abusive father and didn’t go on to be abusive. This is about power and control and male entitlement and there is nothing ‘poor’ about Connor.

Show quote history

She was also attending a special school about an hour away. Both those kids were badly damaged by their start in life.

He was taken into care age 5, she was 3. He possibly has more memories of the things that lead to them being taken into care in the first place. There are reports the Dad abused the Mum too.

The whole thing is horrendous.
Her life is gone, his isn't much better.

There must be a way to stop cycles of abuse and trauma.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page