My beloved husband just bought me beautiful earrings

[AvaCallanach]

He really did buy me beautiful earrings for my birthday. This is not a complaint. It makes me smile. He tries so hard. He took the kids shopping, did me proud.

But bless him, he bought these beautiful earrings which he has bought me 4 times before. Twice in blue, twice in green. This is the third blue pair. They are obviously his style!

He adores me ( played me To The End by Blur after work, we are off on holiday without the kids next week). I love him. He's wonderful. But why can't he remember these earrings and yet keep choosing them, lol.

They are very pretty I could have it in 4 or 5 different colours.

Your DH has good taste in earring and a bit of bad memory for presents.

Why don't you show him all and ask him "darling, which set of earrings will fit best with this dress?" I'm sure both of you will laugh at it and he will remember for next time.
Also sure that there must be a bracelet in that style to enhance the beauty of the set and your natural beauty.

I did wonder about this. I have a close family member who is autistic and just doesn't really see the point in gift giving, but knows that people might get upset if he doesn't get them something. So he does it to keep people happy, but he's not really capable of thinking about it in the same way as neurotypical people. Last year we actually just agreed we won't do gifts anymore and he was very relieved.

So it depends how much you care about gifts really, it's obviously not his strong suit. You can either just leave it, appreciate the gesture and love him as he is, and you will end up with lots of pairs of these earrings, but he doesn't really need to know. Just give them away or sell them. Or if it really bothers you, you could talk to him about gift giving and point out to him that he's got you the same thing several times and try to explain why that bothers you.

Either way it's good that you're recognising he's probably not doing it on purpose, he probably just sees it in a different way to you.

@Troyton oh mate. I can see the intention but...no. At least you learnt though!

Only if you assume that on his birthday, he would be less gentle if I bought him a duplicate present. He wouldn't.

I think our relationship is founded on an understanding of our love and care for each other, and that our intentions are good, and you don't be horrible to people who have made a genuine mistake with good intentions.

No but it’s not being “horrible” if you say : I love these but you already got me these last year

you could even laugh about it together, no?

i don’t advocate being horrible to eachother 😂

I bought my wife an iron last year and a vacuum this year, far more practical

next year I’m thinking ironing board

That's one of the nicest things I've ever seen written here.
I've (happily) worn some VERY questionable perfumes over the years!!
Hoping for Hermes, receiving Boots special, etc....

How about agreeing a token limit on presents, unless you are so well off that hundreds of pounds on earrings that aren't wanted doesn't matter to you?

A lot of people seem to think that you need to spend a lot on a present for it to be worthwhile, thoughtful etc, but I disagree.

I don't want anyone else choosing anything that I have to wear, use or look at. I want to make those decisions myself. And I don't see any point in telling someone to get me a certain item for me as a gift. That's just me doing their admin for them.

For presents, what makes it a thoughtful gift to me is that someone has thought about me and remembered what I like. And I'm absolutely fine about it being a token consumable. I'd much rather get a £10 bag of a few chocolates that I like than £325 earrings that I don't. (or don't need because I already have some).

You sound lovely and very happy in your relationship OP. Don't listen to all the negativity on here - I have a similar relationship to you.

Keep up the positivity and appreciate him for who he is (quirks and all :))

Yep, I think you're hitting the nail on the head.

There are some really miserable posters on here. I can only assume that at some level they want to spoil something lovely out of envy. Thought the poster who pissed all over the lyrics of the song was particularly nasty. This is the sort of thing my very loving and lovable DH of nearly 30 years would do, as he doesn't closely listen to the lyrics but would pick up on an apt snippet, and is moved by the melody etc.

Oh @AvaCallanach your husband is a sweetheart! My own lovely DH bought me for 10 years in a row at Christmas, without fail, Ghost perfume. The first couple of times it was nice and then every. Single. Christmas. For. The. Next. Decade. In the end I had to tell him I was allergic to it - I felt awful! You have a good egg there OP x

It's weird to me that you're not going to definitively show him he's bought them before. I presume he's not a 9 year old who is going to get embarrassed and upset?

In this scenario not only would I be able to confirm to my partner that they were a repeat purchase, we'd laugh about it too.

How would your DP react?

Well done to OP on dealing with the oh-so-catty posts and standing up for your husband. I am the sort of woman who buys the same dress in different colours, sometimes a size up or down, in case of weight fluctuations. I have bought the same earrings multiple times because I lose one of the pair. I dont think I am neuro-divergent but I know exactly what I like and I dont find these things I love often enough. It isnt difficult to understand OP's husband's quirks and to accept them with some humour and grace, given OP's firm opinion that he is a wonderful husband and father.

You sound lovely and very happy in your relationship OP. Don't listen to all the negativity on here - I have a similar relationship to you.

Absolutely this. There are some miserable fuckers on here who are clearly nauseous with envy and attempting to find any angle they can to make this 'not as good as it seems'.

All this 'he really doesn't care' and 'JL don't really sell these earrings' and '£325 for THEM' bullcrap. Quite apart from anything else, JL appear to stock at least 2 varieties of these earrings as £325 and have done for long enough for the OP's husband to buy four pairs... rather suggesting they sell well enough.

Obviously, the Negative Ones have to keep living with themsleves. Meanwhile the OP - and all four pairs of earrings - get to keep living a life that appears to have a healthy dose of good humour, money and lots of love.

May next year bring you a fresh set, OP

I think you have a very healthy outlook OP. But I would say that its not "horrible" to simply say "thank you! I love them but I do already have 3 other pairs of these the same, can we exchange them for something else?"- thats not horrible, its truthful and surely, better to care about being honest with someone than pretending?

Whats up with all the bitter, nasty people on this thread?! Such an innocuous thing to vent vitriol at the OP - can only assume jealousy 🙄why else would people be being so nasty and weird?

OP, Mumsnet hates your husband, your love song, your perceived wealth and your earrings too. Take your happy marriage and get in the sea. Your “lazy” and “selfish” husband is already there with his secretary… who buys all your gifts. 😂

But seriously, the only solution is that you wear a pair throughout all of the months December and July. “I so love these earrings, darling, thank you. I just wish I had a necklace / bracelet / dress / to go with them”

I don't understand some of the replies - repeatedly buying someone the same gift doesn't inherently make someone a bad person. We all have our weaknesses and strengths. OP husband does not appear to be bad partner but rather may not be the best at buying gifts.

I think your relationship sound really lovely - and it sounds very typical of something someone that is ND might do. It's lovely how gentle, kind and thoughtful you are to each other, I don't know why other people are trying to pick it all apart.
Have the best ever holiday next week!

A thread of tinkly laughs...

For the posters who think these earrings look too cheap, my birthday was on July 3 and my 23 year old niece gave me a pair of (lab-grown) diamond earrings that cost a $1000 from a reputable jeweller . The receipt was in the box in case I wanted an exchange. Seriously, she could have given me $5 fake glass errings and I wouldnt have minded or known the difference. In fact I dont think a 23 year old should be buying such expensive gifts and have said so before. I'd rather she saved her money. But when a gift is bestowed, it is the feeling and intentions behind it that matter and one should be gracious regardless of how costly it looks or doesn't.

I’d be interested to know if you can change those expensive earrings as it’s usually a no for an exchange too + you may have worn them.

I can't believe that anyone could write this off as "cute" or "funny". You wouldn't find it endearing if a woman did it, so why is it minimised when a man does it?

He's spending enough to feed a family for a fortnight, on earrings that aren't even from a jewellers. He seems to have no memory of buying them before (worrying). You must never wear them, or worse - he never notices what you wear. You've presumably told him 4 times now, that he has duplicated the gift, but he doesn't listen to you.

It just shows a complete lack of care and extreme laziness from someone who has more money than sense. If he's holding down a good job, he's not Forest Gump. He just cant be bothered to get a suitable gift. Probably a panic buy the day before your birthday. I would be absolutely livid.

You really have to tell him! You can do it kindly or make it a joke, but this will not stop without some input from you. I have been with my lovely man 40+ years. In the early years, he bought me stud earrings for Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries etc. until I finally had to say something. If I hadn't, I would be drowning in a sea of stud earrings by now! You're young, you can stop this now 😀

@glitterbumps Lol, I am not young.

@CollagenQueen How can you be livid? Genuinely? Baffled at his lack of recall of what he has previously bought, yes, but how livid? I don't understand that.

Your more money than sense quip is quite mean spirited isn't it? The issue would be the same if every pair of earrings cost 1.99. we are old, we have both worked for many years raising a family, we had nothing at all once upon a time, then very little for many years. How my husband chooses to spend the money he has earned is up to him. None of us is hungry or unclothed. Yes we are lucky in that respect. If you are young, once, like us, you have worked hard for 35 years you'll probably have a better financial buffer.