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Original poster

Pre-teen son wants to wear makeup

143 replies

MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:04

Hello,
I'm new to posting but have followed chats for a while.
I'm looking for advice please. I've always had a close relationship with my son.
I came home the other evening and my son showed me he had painted his nails (did a good job too :) )
This did throw me a bit, as he's always been a 'typical' lad. He then went on to say that he'd like to try makeup. I have no issue with this at all, but again, I'm slightly caught by surprise, as he's never shown any inclination in this way.
Dad is working away, so we had a random pamper night. I showed him my limited knowledge of makeup techniques. We talked, and I asked him why he wanted to wear makeup, as he's never expressed anything this way before.
He doesn't know. He just remembers his big sister putting on makeup when he was little (12-year age gap). I Suggested maybe talking to his sister, which he has, and was comfortable and productive,
I just want a bit of advice on how to not make a big deal but also not ignore his wishes. I appreciate that it may be a phase, but also maybe how he feels.
I have no prejudices but concerned for him how others may react to this, as it will be a complete change of character. Thank you for reading, no judgement please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:05

Are you not concerned that he is being brainwashed/indoctrinated at school?

Tiredjoanna · 17/07/2023 21:06

Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:05

Are you not concerned that he is being brainwashed/indoctrinated at school?

What??????

Blingstar · 17/07/2023 21:06

How old is he?

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Beauty
Crystals35 · 17/07/2023 21:06

Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:05

Are you not concerned that he is being brainwashed/indoctrinated at school?

This

ReeseWitherfork · 17/07/2023 21:06

Do kids these days bat an eyelid at stuff like that? It seems so normal now for gen z men to wear makeup etc. that I wonder if it would even be seen as odd him doing so? They seem quite fluid with gender stereotypes even outside of the trans/NB stuff.

Temporaryname158 · 17/07/2023 21:08

I think it’s a perfectly normal experimentation when growing up. He’s seen his sister doing this and just wants to try it out.

my son sees me and his sister wear dresses and he wanted to try one so I let him.

when I put make up on sometimes he wants some too, I let him have a small amount (like I would any child)

it is doing no harm whatsoever!

WindowsSmindows · 17/07/2023 21:08

I wouldn't let my pre ten daughter wear makeup.
I wouldn't be distracted by the fact he's a boy you can still say no.

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:09

Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:05

Are you not concerned that he is being brainwashed/indoctrinated at school?

I wouldn't use those terms, we are an open, understanding and accepting family of all walks of life. Just looking for advice from others that may have experience with their children.

OP posts:
Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:10

Blingstar · 17/07/2023 21:06

How old is he?

Just turned 12

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 17/07/2023 21:11

My son is 10, he sometimes will try a bit of make up such as concealer or bronzer or paint his nails. Doesn't bother me at all. He is just messing about.

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:11

WindowsSmindows · 17/07/2023 21:08

I wouldn't let my pre ten daughter wear makeup.
I wouldn't be distracted by the fact he's a boy you can still say no.

My daughter experimented with makeup at home at 12, not outdoors. I have told him the same

OP posts:
youaintmymother · 17/07/2023 21:11

I had a pedicure the other day and my 5.5 year old asked if he could paint his nails. Gold glitter. So I bought him some water-based nail varnish. He's worn it once. He loves my make-up palette and brushes and will occasionally make me, DH and himself "beautiful". 😂 I would take it as a passing interest. Play with make-up with him as you would with a daughter imo.

Newuser75 · 17/07/2023 21:11

As far as I can see men wearing make up isn't a new thing at all!

Echobelly · 17/07/2023 21:13

I know a few lads around that age who are wearing nail varnish, some eye make up and dangly earrings, while still dressing 'boy', I think it's just a bit of a thing now and that's great - if more boys are not seeing 'feminine' stuff as shameful and to be avoided, then that's a great move in the right direction.

carrotcakebae · 17/07/2023 21:13

I wouldn't allow it but that's just me . I would figure out the root cause of this interest first

Indigotree · 17/07/2023 21:16

There's no reason why men and boys shouldn't wear makeup other than sexism.
My son wore nail polish until last year (aged 9) he stopped showing an interest.
I won't wear makeup myself as I see it as sexist and oppressive unless both sexes do, so am happy if men begin.
However, there's always the worry of bullying so in this situation I'd probably try discussing sexism, gender as a social construct and how different cultural groups express gender constructions.

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:16

carrotcakebae · 17/07/2023 21:13

I wouldn't allow it but that's just me . I would figure out the root cause of this interest first

My DH is floored by it and not sure how to react. What would you consider to be a root cause?

OP posts:
Indigotree · 17/07/2023 21:16

Echobelly · 17/07/2023 21:13

I know a few lads around that age who are wearing nail varnish, some eye make up and dangly earrings, while still dressing 'boy', I think it's just a bit of a thing now and that's great - if more boys are not seeing 'feminine' stuff as shameful and to be avoided, then that's a great move in the right direction.

Yes, this.

ANewAdventure · 17/07/2023 21:19

My boy is younger, so make up is still very much a “copying mummy” thing. I’m trying to be aware that boys are just as subject to malign influences as girls around body image, beauty standards etc. So while I’m happy for him to try my make up, I try to be very careful with my language around it, and I don’t (for example) allow it as a “treat” for a party as I don’t want it to be something he strives for.

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:19

Indigotree · 17/07/2023 21:16

There's no reason why men and boys shouldn't wear makeup other than sexism.
My son wore nail polish until last year (aged 9) he stopped showing an interest.
I won't wear makeup myself as I see it as sexist and oppressive unless both sexes do, so am happy if men begin.
However, there's always the worry of bullying so in this situation I'd probably try discussing sexism, gender as a social construct and how different cultural groups express gender constructions.

This is my concern more than anything. Opening himself up to bullying. As he is mixed race, he has been negatively treated, although as he is on the spectrum, he doesn't take offence as he doesn't realise. Which is great in some respects, but as he is getting older, physical bullying may happen

OP posts:
Gremlins101 · 17/07/2023 21:21

I have no idea, but I think your response to the whole situation is lovely. Well done you :)

Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:23

You ask about the root cause but dismiss the schools influence?

Pre-teen son wants to wear makeup
Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 21:23

I’d let him try it at home but not to wear out of the house. Whether girl or boy I don’t think it’s good to see kids wearing makeup out and about. That should stop any potential bullying as well.

Tiredjoanna · 17/07/2023 21:24

Gremlins101 · 17/07/2023 21:21

I have no idea, but I think your response to the whole situation is lovely. Well done you :)

I second that 😊

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