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Original poster

Pre-teen son wants to wear makeup

143 replies

MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:04

Hello,
I'm new to posting but have followed chats for a while.
I'm looking for advice please. I've always had a close relationship with my son.
I came home the other evening and my son showed me he had painted his nails (did a good job too :) )
This did throw me a bit, as he's always been a 'typical' lad. He then went on to say that he'd like to try makeup. I have no issue with this at all, but again, I'm slightly caught by surprise, as he's never shown any inclination in this way.
Dad is working away, so we had a random pamper night. I showed him my limited knowledge of makeup techniques. We talked, and I asked him why he wanted to wear makeup, as he's never expressed anything this way before.
He doesn't know. He just remembers his big sister putting on makeup when he was little (12-year age gap). I Suggested maybe talking to his sister, which he has, and was comfortable and productive,
I just want a bit of advice on how to not make a big deal but also not ignore his wishes. I appreciate that it may be a phase, but also maybe how he feels.
I have no prejudices but concerned for him how others may react to this, as it will be a complete change of character. Thank you for reading, no judgement please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 18/07/2023 00:22

Oh how could we forget Phil Oakey(Human League ) lol , my sis wanted her hair like his .

Northernsouloldies · 18/07/2023 00:54

Good on him for wanting to be an individual. The world needs more colour and its damn site better than the Nike /north face identikit uniform.

Northernsouloldies · 18/07/2023 00:55

Sight not site.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Beauty
merrymelodies · 18/07/2023 01:06

Tell him he can wear makeup when he's 15. That's the age I let my DD wear makeup.

HamBone · 18/07/2023 02:53

I think it’s experimentation and it wouldn’t bother me. DS (nearly 15) worn nail varnish abit last year but has gone off it now. He’s also gone from carefully styled hair to a buzz cut which I don’t like at all, but it’s his head!

They’re experimenting with their looks, just as we did.

Coyoacan · 18/07/2023 03:12

Personally I would let any child play with make up and wouldn't let any child go out in the street with make up on.

He could end up being a famous theatrical make-up artist.

greenspaces4peace · 18/07/2023 03:59

completely agree with @Janedoe82 you mention both neurodiverse and mixed heritage.

The bullying DOES still happen!! It’s delusional to think that kids are all accepting of little boys wearing make up- they aren’t. And by doing so those children become labelled as being ‘odd’. And that’s when the exclusion starts.

Prescottdanni123 · 18/07/2023 04:10

@Janedoe82

Men wearing makeup is becoming more common place and accepted than you might think.

One of my male friends used to ask me and other female friends to put make up on him when we were touching ours up. None of the other lads in the group batted an eyelid at that and that was the noughties.

HamBone · 18/07/2023 14:03

Prescottdanni123 · 18/07/2023 04:10

@Janedoe82

Men wearing makeup is becoming more common place and accepted than you might think.

One of my male friends used to ask me and other female friends to put make up on him when we were touching ours up. None of the other lads in the group batted an eyelid at that and that was the noughties.

Several boys in my DS’s class wear nail varnish and makeup (they’re allowed to at his school as long as it’s light makeup). No one cares. 🤷

We seem to have forgotten the 1970’s and 80’s New Romantics, Goths, etc. Eyeliner galore.

AnchorWHAT · 18/07/2023 14:20

Yes he may develop real skills and use them as a career choice, he may lose interest, he may just like to enhance his features with it, or he may go into being a drag queen, who knows, as long as he is happy and is able to cope with some of the negative views that we are seeing on here then fine. Put it hand in hand with a good cleansing routine and help keep his skin nice though.

Mummyford · 18/07/2023 15:54

I've never understood the idea that it's fine for women to camouflage a bad skin day or highlight their eyes, but not for men. Such a silly reductive restricting way of thinking. It sounds like you're handling this really well, OP. In your shoes, I would tell him he has to abide by exactly the same rules as your DD did at his age.

One of my boys has worn some makeup at some point, although seems to only do so now for the very occasional event, but we've had what seems like thousands of kids through our house over the years, ranging from rugby and rowing lads to art/theatre kids and I'd say some percentage of boys from all groups have at some point worn some makeup. There was a period where they were into nail varnish and both DSs, DD and older DS's girlfriend were all doing their nails together, but they all seem to have got bored with it.

I loved it - made shopping for stocking stuffers really easy!

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 16:11

Unless it is some sort of theatre related, it would be a NO from me.

Mummyford · 18/07/2023 16:19

To add, I just don't understand the no's.

We talk about wanting our boys to grow up to be caring, empathetic full partners and parents who don't hold women to stereotyped gender roles, and yet at the first sign of something not gender-typical, we tell them to get back in their box?

itsmyp4rty · 18/07/2023 16:27

I don't wear make up as an adult and I wouldn't want ds wearing it as a child of 12. If I had a 12 year old dd I wouldn't want her wearing it either. Wearing make up has nothing to do with being caring and empathic for either sex.

Plymsoul · 18/07/2023 16:27

Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:23

You ask about the root cause but dismiss the schools influence?

@Jongleterre you have it the wrong way round. Wearing makeup doesn’t make a boy turn into a girl. Refusing to allow it because‘ it’s for girls’ just reinforces gender essentialism and encourages children to think they are trans.

@MegMog23 my son is 9- he wears makeup sometimes. Nothing bad has ever happened, no one has said anything to him about it.

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 16:30

We talk about wanting our boys to grow up to be caring, empathetic full partners and parents who don't hold women to stereotyped gender roles, and yet at the first sign of something not gender-typical, we tell them to get back in their box?

If it was a conversation about a girl, there would be all those "feminists" up in arms how it is too early, vulgar, sending the wrong message, all the evils of beauty industry, etc. But if its boys, it will make them caring and empathetic? Wow, just wow.

Plymsoul · 18/07/2023 16:31

StarchySturgess1 · 17/07/2023 23:08

By who? A local Avon rep?

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂😂

DeadButDelicious · 18/07/2023 16:35

Maybe it's just the circles I run in but I know LOADS of men who wore makeup/nail polish as teens, some still do crack out the eyeliner for a night out etc. I just can't get too worked up about a lad experimenting with a bit of eyeshadow. It doesn't have to mean anything. I was trying my best to look like Robert Smith/Siouxsie Sioux when I was 12, I didn't want to look 'sexy' I wanted to be spooky. Make up as a form of self expression is totally fine as far as I can see.

Mummyford · 18/07/2023 16:48

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 16:30

We talk about wanting our boys to grow up to be caring, empathetic full partners and parents who don't hold women to stereotyped gender roles, and yet at the first sign of something not gender-typical, we tell them to get back in their box?

If it was a conversation about a girl, there would be all those "feminists" up in arms how it is too early, vulgar, sending the wrong message, all the evils of beauty industry, etc. But if its boys, it will make them caring and empathetic? Wow, just wow.

She has already said he can't wear it to school, as her DD was not allowed to at the same age.

And I certainly, although I consider myself a feminist, wouldn't be the least bit up in arms about a 12 year old girl wanting to experiment with makeup. I certainly did at that age. I kind of think people should be allowed to choose what to wear (or not) on their faces.

My point was how can we expect boys to shed stereotypical gender roles while simultaneously telling them they have to maintain them?

Oioicaptain · 18/07/2023 17:10

Many of the more cool boys/you g male celebrities are now wearing nail polish. It's no longer considered feminine. The same as there is a trend for wearing pearl/bead necklaces. I appreciate that it's not yet the 'norm', but it's great that your son is comfortable enough to wish to experiment with it. However, this could be potentially a slightly slippery slope as teenagers do tend to see things in black and white, so I would be concerned that, if others found out, they could suggest that he is stuck in the wrong body etc, rather than merely challenging the artificial socially constructed rules around gender. Personally I would also be having conversations about social constructs too and how he can be himself/comfortable in his own skin without having to label himself or stick himself in any particular category.

afaloren · 18/07/2023 17:17

My husband wears nail polish and make-up and sometimes even - gasp! - a skirt. Also has a big bushy beard and is very attached to having a penis. It’s just fun. Let him crack on.

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 17:20

Whether we like it or not, there may be unpleasant consequences for breaking social/gender norms. A child is too young to properly assess the potential risks and to deal with those consequences.

Plymsoul · 18/07/2023 17:42

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 17:20

Whether we like it or not, there may be unpleasant consequences for breaking social/gender norms. A child is too young to properly assess the potential risks and to deal with those consequences.

@JazbayGrapes what risks? That someone shitty says something shitty? That’s life. The world is full of dickheads.

reluctantbrit · 18/07/2023 17:51

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 17:20

Whether we like it or not, there may be unpleasant consequences for breaking social/gender norms. A child is too young to properly assess the potential risks and to deal with those consequences.

This is why the parents have to support a child, strenghten their self-confidence and believe in them. Be it make up or any other non-stereotype idea the child may develop.

Just telling no enforces stereotypes and a child who wants to be different but isn't allowed is an unhappy one. That would be the same with any girl who is told she can't learn how to be a mechanic or plumber.

Make up doesn't make a boy gay or trans or whatever people may think eyeliner and foundation do to a child.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 18/07/2023 17:55

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:44

Yes- they have moved away. And look what the result has been. A mental health crisis in teens, particularly in relation to sexuality and trans issues.

Lol. And Covid had zero impact….it’s all down to boys being allowed to wear makeup and girls being allowed to have short hair cuts.