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Original poster

Pre-teen son wants to wear makeup

143 replies

MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 21:04

Hello,
I'm new to posting but have followed chats for a while.
I'm looking for advice please. I've always had a close relationship with my son.
I came home the other evening and my son showed me he had painted his nails (did a good job too :) )
This did throw me a bit, as he's always been a 'typical' lad. He then went on to say that he'd like to try makeup. I have no issue with this at all, but again, I'm slightly caught by surprise, as he's never shown any inclination in this way.
Dad is working away, so we had a random pamper night. I showed him my limited knowledge of makeup techniques. We talked, and I asked him why he wanted to wear makeup, as he's never expressed anything this way before.
He doesn't know. He just remembers his big sister putting on makeup when he was little (12-year age gap). I Suggested maybe talking to his sister, which he has, and was comfortable and productive,
I just want a bit of advice on how to not make a big deal but also not ignore his wishes. I appreciate that it may be a phase, but also maybe how he feels.
I have no prejudices but concerned for him how others may react to this, as it will be a complete change of character. Thank you for reading, no judgement please.

OP posts:
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Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 17/07/2023 22:12

Didn't Gary Numan rock a bit of guy liner too ? Oh and who could forget the beautiful Adam Ant .

SlightlyJaded · 17/07/2023 22:14

Whilst I applaud your openness and am sure it will help your son to feel confident and secure at home, don't all be too quick to dismiss @Jongleterre and their concerns. You are all naive if you don't think that there is an culture of wokeness in schools that is causing children who previously had no confusion around their gender/sex/identity to start feeling like they HAVE to question it now. I have seen - with my own eyes - this leading to mental health problems, self-harm and even more upsetting - self-loathing - in children as young as eight.

So harmless as a boy wanting to try makeup and whatnot is - it DOES need watching to ensure that no one is pressuring/coercing/confusing your DS.

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 22:16

To everyone with the lovely responses, I thank you. I wish there was a like/love comment, all of your replies are taken on board and given me the boost that I am going in the right direction, I'm going with the flow, not restricting or promoting, just following his lead.
To the negatives, I also thank you, because it goes to show that some still live in black and white tv. These are the ones I want to protect my children from. At 12, there are so many bad roads a child can take, wearing makeup as a boy is a worry, because of people like you. The dangerous ways my son could explore in finding himself, gangs, drugs, knife crime, I am kind of relieved the path he's taking, because it could be so much worse!

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Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 22:19

SlightlyJaded · 17/07/2023 22:14

Whilst I applaud your openness and am sure it will help your son to feel confident and secure at home, don't all be too quick to dismiss @Jongleterre and their concerns. You are all naive if you don't think that there is an culture of wokeness in schools that is causing children who previously had no confusion around their gender/sex/identity to start feeling like they HAVE to question it now. I have seen - with my own eyes - this leading to mental health problems, self-harm and even more upsetting - self-loathing - in children as young as eight.

So harmless as a boy wanting to try makeup and whatnot is - it DOES need watching to ensure that no one is pressuring/coercing/confusing your DS.

Both me and his sister asked these questions, in an appropriate way, we both work in education and queried if it was pressure, confusion, etc

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Prescottdanni123 · 17/07/2023 22:20

I think your response was exactly right. There is nothing wrong with men wearing make up. Who said that they shouldn't? Just let him crack on as you have been doing. Far less damaging than telling him that make up is only for girls.

OrlandointheWilderness · 17/07/2023 22:22

Ah let him play, it's just exploring. It's a form of artwork to some and creative expression, I'd have no issue. I would say not outside the house though as that is my rule for my DD at that age but when age appropriate then fine. Guys have been wearing make up since the Egyptians!

CKL987 · 17/07/2023 22:22

My DH sometimes wears under eye concealer. Why do people automatically jump to brainwashing? Famous men often wear make up so why can't Jo Bloggs on the street? There needs to be more acceptance of wearing what we want and not gendering things.

blithely · 17/07/2023 22:25

My rugby playing lad (now 16) has a girlfriend and is ridiculously macho. He also wears nail varnish and a lot of jewellery. Bleached his hair peroxide for a few months. I think trying out different modes of self expression is utterly normal and to be encouraged in teenagers as long as they don't get bullied for it. (He did get snide comments so pushed back hard and the haters backed off.) Much worse things they can experiment with than makeup. Encourage them without judgement about the makeup and they will keep you in the loop about the bigger stuff too

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:25

Honestly- I would just say ‘no you are a boy. Boys don’t wear make up’.
I know that’s an old fashioned view but there is a mental health crisis in kids and I think part of it is them being exposed to stuff they aren’t mature enough to process.

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 22:28

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:25

Honestly- I would just say ‘no you are a boy. Boys don’t wear make up’.
I know that’s an old fashioned view but there is a mental health crisis in kids and I think part of it is them being exposed to stuff they aren’t mature enough to process.

Really? I grew up in the 80's, proper tomboy. Refused to wear girls clothes at all, loved football, rugby and rounders. Cut my hair short. Would you tell me no?

OP posts:
Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 22:30

blithely · 17/07/2023 22:25

My rugby playing lad (now 16) has a girlfriend and is ridiculously macho. He also wears nail varnish and a lot of jewellery. Bleached his hair peroxide for a few months. I think trying out different modes of self expression is utterly normal and to be encouraged in teenagers as long as they don't get bullied for it. (He did get snide comments so pushed back hard and the haters backed off.) Much worse things they can experiment with than makeup. Encourage them without judgement about the makeup and they will keep you in the loop about the bigger stuff too

Thank you

OP posts:
Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:33

I think there is a difference between girls not being ‘girly’ and boys actively choosing to wear make up. It goes against traditional social norms and I can’t understand why that would be actively encouraged. I think there are a whole lot of kids who have been brain washed and told it’s ok to deviate from social Norms and some of them end up socially isolated and confused.

UmpteenSteps · 17/07/2023 22:33

Isn’t it just normal creative expression/curiosity/exploring identity? Bizarre that some posters have got the collywobbles over this!

Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 22:34

Gremlins101 · 17/07/2023 21:21

I have no idea, but I think your response to the whole situation is lovely. Well done you :)

Thank you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
MegMog23 · 17/07/2023 22:37

UmpteenSteps · 17/07/2023 22:33

Isn’t it just normal creative expression/curiosity/exploring identity? Bizarre that some posters have got the collywobbles over this!

This is my initial reaction, but how far do we go with it? Never thought influence or brainwashing, just growing up. However, he does fixate on subjects, so this maybe the new fixation, just completely unexpected :)

OP posts:
CampervanKween · 17/07/2023 22:41

I think that if you push back against things they will want to do them more. When they're growing up that is the time to explore in a safe environment all the different things that the world offers. He feels safe talking about this with you because he knows he's not going to be mocked as he might be with his peers for example.

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 17/07/2023 22:42

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:25

Honestly- I would just say ‘no you are a boy. Boys don’t wear make up’.
I know that’s an old fashioned view but there is a mental health crisis in kids and I think part of it is them being exposed to stuff they aren’t mature enough to process.

It is an old fashioned view. Gender stereotypes are harmful and I think most people realise that and have moved away from it.

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:44

Yes- they have moved away. And look what the result has been. A mental health crisis in teens, particularly in relation to sexuality and trans issues.

Prescottdanni123 · 17/07/2023 22:44

@carrotcakebae

Why can't men express themselves through make up though? Which authority actually said that it could only be for women?

Do you honestly think nothing could go wrong with banning him from wearing make up and saying that it is a girl thing?

Annaishere · 17/07/2023 22:45

Jongleterre · 17/07/2023 21:05

Are you not concerned that he is being brainwashed/indoctrinated at school?

second

Prescottdanni123 · 17/07/2023 22:48

@Janedoe82

You do know that it wasn't that long ago that women were either thrown in prison or branded insane and sent to psychiatric hospitals (or lunatic asylums as they were called back then) for daring to wear trousers, don't you? Because trousers were for men.

It is the outdated stereotypes that cause a lot of confusion. Boys are told that only women like make up so they think "Oh well, I must be a woman then,".

Swansandcustard · 17/07/2023 22:51

Why do we say a female wearing more masculine clothing isn’t trying to look ‘male’ but a male trying make-up/nail varnish might be ‘indoctrinated’ - with what, if external appearance has nothing to do with biology?!

Well done op, if he wants to, let him

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:53

Well what I have seen with my own children and their friends, is those who seem to have gender confusion/ not complying with traditional gender stereotypes, is that they end up socially excluded and it becomes a vicious cycle. And that’s not good for long term mental health.

PrinnyPree · 17/07/2023 22:55

Well done OP, thankfully kids are alot more open nowadays and I don't think as much bullying happens for deviating from gender stereotypes compared to when I was at school in the 90s.

I love how much more liberated todays youth are about challenging gender norms. Ignore the pearl clutchers sounds like you're helping him explore this stuff in a healthy way. I have a son and would always want him to feel safe to express himself at home and encourage openess and communication. You sound like a lovely Mum.

Janedoe82 · 17/07/2023 22:58

The bullying DOES still happen!! It’s delusional to think that kids are all accepting of little boys wearing make up- they aren’t. And by doing so those children become labelled as being ‘odd’. And that’s when the exclusion starts.