Pre-teen son wants to wear makeup

[MegMog23]

Hello,
I'm new to posting but have followed chats for a while.
I'm looking for advice please. I've always had a close relationship with my son.
I came home the other evening and my son showed me he had painted his nails (did a good job too :) )
This did throw me a bit, as he's always been a 'typical' lad. He then went on to say that he'd like to try makeup. I have no issue with this at all, but again, I'm slightly caught by surprise, as he's never shown any inclination in this way.
Dad is working away, so we had a random pamper night. I showed him my limited knowledge of makeup techniques. We talked, and I asked him why he wanted to wear makeup, as he's never expressed anything this way before.
He doesn't know. He just remembers his big sister putting on makeup when he was little (12-year age gap). I Suggested maybe talking to his sister, which he has, and was comfortable and productive,
I just want a bit of advice on how to not make a big deal but also not ignore his wishes. I appreciate that it may be a phase, but also maybe how he feels.
I have no prejudices but concerned for him how others may react to this, as it will be a complete change of character. Thank you for reading, no judgement please.

What on earth is this question?!!

You all have such sophisticated kids my son just used my make up to draw on the kitchen cupboards.. to be fair he did the same with a bottle of black boot polish too . 😆

I’m afraid I have no advice to give, but I think it’s quite likely that some on this thread will not be open, understanding or accepting of all walks of life. The first question smacks of this- and of course schools must take ‘blame’.

I hope you find someone who can offer you advice. Approach it in the way that you feel comfortable with. It sounds like you’ve made a good start by chatting and listening to your son.

I would wonder what his social media looks like and what he's being exposed to on there.

I wouldn't allow it personally.

Surely not allowing it is going to make it forbidden fruit and a much bigger deal than it need be? When I was a teenager, late 70s early 80s, lots of boys experimented with makeup so it's not exactly a new phenomenon.

I see quite a few young teen boys wearing make up and nail polish. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

Back in the 80's it was eyeliner on boys to be rock star cool, and then there were goths and then there was the emo trend. Teens experiment with make up in different ways. It's just experimenting with identity and making themselves look different.

I really wouldn't worry about it, don't assume it's to do with gender or sexual identity unless he tells you it is.

Is that something from your child's school? Or from the net? I only ask as you seem very NO straight away. As far as I'm aware, that hasn't been presented in school.

He's not on any social media, and I have full access to his tech searches

Yeah I'd be a bit concerned about this also.

My younger brother started experimenting with make up when he was about 13.
I gave him my old nail varnishes and he got neater with those and wears it most of the time, hes 20 now
.
He liked to do 'play' makeup as a young teen, so fun colours etc but only wore it occasionally and at home. Only sometimes would use a dot of concealer on a spot at school.
When he was about 16 he asked for help to do 'like a proper look' that suited him and he liked more. He is quite alternative/arty and that ended up being a light smudge of pencil eyeliner and a little bit of eyebrow gel as his are naturally quite unruly.
He wears that quite a lot now and has got good at doing it. I got him a dark eyeshadow pallette for his birthday and taught him to do a light masculine smokey eye that he wears for events like parties etc. It looks really cool, he always gets tons of compliments.
He has never had any trouble at all but he is very rarely out alone and I know that the grungey/alt look probably does attract less trouble than a lad with full face glam.
Although I have mates who do the latter and on a night out they don't get trouble either, but I guess school boys are worse for that than people in nightclubs.

Contrary to what people seem to believe, kids are not getting daily 'gender lessons' in school. They might - might - have one session about gender identity somewhere in a year of PSHE or whatever it is called in a given setting, so I consider 'school indoctrination' unlikely.

Some comments on this thread are unbelievable. Why does everything have to have an 'agenda' ? What is so wrong with a young boy wanting to experiment with make up? Maybe he just wants to. Doesnt mean hes being bullied or the likes .Like a pp said - it was common place in the 80s! .OP , it sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your children and im sure if there really is a 'root cause' it will all become clear.

Possible that the “root cause” is him becoming more concerned with his appearance, wanting to be more attractive etc. Which makes me just as sad as if it had come from a pre teen girl, but I suppose it’s somewhat inevitable, they probably all go through those thoughts even if it’s fleeting for some.

My DS started painting his toe nails aged 8 and progressed to wearing a full face of (expertly applied) make up by his year 6 prom - he completely 'rocked it' and I was so proud as I watched him all dressed up in his grey suit and walking down the street with confidence and style. He 'came out' as gay aged 10 but I think he'd have still spent hours at the make up counters (takes after me) regardless! He's now 13 and has toned down the full face look and now prefers the subtle lip gloss lip and occasional set of false nails...

It's fake nonsense from Twitter, ignore it OP!

Just say yep, sure and supply with a few items.

If you say no because he's a boy you can easily end up with 'I want to wear make up, so I must be a girl' because kids can change sex these days apparently. You don't want to go there.

Let him know that there is nothing he can't do just because he's a boy, don't subscribe to stereotypes.

So he is a new romantic. I don’t see an issue unless you make it one. He is a boy who likes make up. Fine. I would only worry if he starts thinking he is a girl.

One of my ds' has been wearing eyeliner and nail varnish from about 16/17 I can't see an issue with it as long as its at home at that age

Why? Were you not taught about different religions and beliefs at school? Were you 'brainwashed' to follow##? It's about teaching children about the world today, acceptance and understanding of everyone around you. Your response and Jongleterre's are not helpful. I actually work in primary education, so I do understand the curriculum

I'd encourage him with the nail polish, dark colours like red-black, dark green etc. Stay away from lipstick! Maybe he could try subtle eyeliner if he's going for the goth effect.

I always thought Jonny Depp carried off the guy liner really well .

Men can wear make up. They have been for years.

I am not sure . I don’t have a pre teen so don’t know what goes on in their world . But things to consider would be influences from social media such as tick tock , or school , his friendship groups or maybe he’s using this to gain positive attention from you . Only way to find out is to talk to him in a non judgmental manner so he is comfortable expressing himself to you and it is okay to let him know that as a young man there’s many other ways he can express himself and it doesn’t have to be through makeup

My 11 year comes and messes about with my make up sometimes. He's painted his nails too. He's as gender critical as they come but I have always told my boys there are no sexed boundaries to what they want to wear or experiment with.

@Jongleterre
What age, what year is that homework please?