Pre-teen son wants to wear makeup

[MegMog23]

Hello,
I'm new to posting but have followed chats for a while.
I'm looking for advice please. I've always had a close relationship with my son.
I came home the other evening and my son showed me he had painted his nails (did a good job too :) )
This did throw me a bit, as he's always been a 'typical' lad. He then went on to say that he'd like to try makeup. I have no issue with this at all, but again, I'm slightly caught by surprise, as he's never shown any inclination in this way.
Dad is working away, so we had a random pamper night. I showed him my limited knowledge of makeup techniques. We talked, and I asked him why he wanted to wear makeup, as he's never expressed anything this way before.
He doesn't know. He just remembers his big sister putting on makeup when he was little (12-year age gap). I Suggested maybe talking to his sister, which he has, and was comfortable and productive,
I just want a bit of advice on how to not make a big deal but also not ignore his wishes. I appreciate that it may be a phase, but also maybe how he feels.
I have no prejudices but concerned for him how others may react to this, as it will be a complete change of character. Thank you for reading, no judgement please.

I'd be wondering this too and ask him if any of his friends wear make-up. I'd not have indulged him with make up. I'd be very worried that this might be the beginning of wanting to be a girl.

I had my hair like his, my first boyfriend had better eye makeup than me. It's really not a big deal for boys to wear makeup, they've been doing it for donkeys years.

Four in our household, two male and two female. DS(15) has the longest hair and is the only one who wears nail varnish. No big deal!

I knew late teenage boys who wore makeup in the 80s, like a lot of male pop stars did at the time. They weren't being brainwashed. Just trying to be cool and different

@caringcarer wearing make up doesn’t make him a girl. If people stopped being so obsessed with ‘boy things’ and ‘girl things’ and just let kids do the stuff they enjoy then far fewer of them would be confused about their sex/gender.

@GrapeHyacinth One of my friend’s older brothers was a full-on Goth by 15/16, hair, make-up, nails, etc. He’s 51 now and you’d never realize, he looks so strait-laced. 😂

@JazbayGrapes
PP didn't mean that wearing make up would make men caring and emphatic. She said that we want boys to grow up to be caring and empathetic to their wives by not forcing them to conform to gender stereotypes. And therefore, we shouldn't try to conform them to stereotypes by saying make up is only for girls.

It was dangerous for women to wear trousers at one point, due to gender stereotypes. As a woman who isn't fussed on dresses, I'm glad they thought so what if I get put in prison or hospital, I'm going to do it anyway.

Adam Lambert looks awesome with make up.... As does Johnny Depp and his guy liner.

what risks? That someone shitty says something shitty? That’s life. The world is full of dickheads.

Life is indeed full of dickheads. Is a child equipped to handle them all? A 15-16yo who wants to be a goth? Go for it at your own risk. A pre-teen child who wants to emulate his sister? Not such a good idea.

Just telling no enforces stereotypes and a child who wants to be different but isn't allowed is an unhappy one. That would be the same with any girl who is told she can't learn how to be a mechanic or plumber.

Another example - a young girl who wants to dress "sexy". It may be within her right to wear as she pleases, but then how is she going to deal with sleazy men leering at her?

@JazbayGrapes some people believe that children wearing makeup is a safeguarding risk- if that’s your view it should apply to boys and girls equally.

You shouldn’t teach children to alter themselves in order to appease bullies- you should teach them to have confidence in themselves and who they are. If your child is bullied at school because of what they look like or wear, the onus is on you and the teachers to stop it, not on the victim to change.

You shouldn’t teach children to alter themselves

Makeup is exactly about altering yourself. And completely unneccesery, especially on kids. They can play with face paint at home if they please.
You need to work on your child's confidence in other ways before you let them commit social suicide.

Social suicide?! It’s 2023- boys wearing make up shouldn’t be a big deal, and from what I’ve observed isn’t a big deal. If your kids or their friends would ostracise someone for wearing makeup then you (and they) need to take a long hard look at where you went wrong. Bullying isn’t ok.

Whether kids should wear makeup at all is a totally separate issue. My point is if you would allow your daughter to wear it at 12, the same should apply to your son. Both sexes deserve to express themselves as they see fit (as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone else and school rules aside obviously).

Social suicide?! It’s 2023- boys wearing make up shouldn’t be a big deal, and from what I’ve observed isn’t a big deal.

Are you that naive or just pretending?
Kids that age, also given the phones and internet - won't be able to live it down.
As for kids expressing themselves - let's be sensible. They don't exactly know what is good for themselves and what might put them in harms way.

@MegMog23
The root cause is fashion.
It's very fashionable.
Teen boys go to the hairdresser more than teen girls atm too.
They wear skinny jeans and like to keep their teeth white.
It's fashion, trendy.
Don't let anyone derail you with talk of indoctrination. You reacted brilliantly.
I'm sure DH wore things for fashion that his Dad didn't understand, depending on his age? Was he a rocker or a Scene kid? That may help him to understand more.
Keep being a fab Mum!

@JazbayGrapes I am not at all naive Or pretending. If you and your kids and friends think that it’s ok to bully people because they enjoy different things to you then I’m glad I don’t know you, and I feel sorry for the people you inflict that on. You are doing your children a disservice by bringing them up to be narrow minded.

My son who sometimes wears makeup is very happy and has lots of friends (both male and female) and has the confidence to go through the world without worrying what other people think of him.

First you teach a child that a certain dress style is not appropriate for a young child and later only for certain occassions. Then you teach her that it is not their fault.

DD wore a sleeveless shirt dress last year, fairly conversative lower than knee length, she was 15. Unfortunately she inherited my boobs and wore a 30E bra. Yes, she got catcalled by some drunken student-age holiday tourists. Do I book her in for a breast reduction? No, I tell her that she has a great figure and that it's not her fault, it's the other man.

It's about teaching children to stand up for themselves, that it's ok to be different than classmates and that bullying because of style or opinion or orientation. It's my job to stand behind/beside my child and support it and battle for her if necessary.

She is bi. Should I tell her that she can't be queer or that she should only date men?

Fashion always makes turns. In the 17th and 18th century make up on men and heels were all the vogue. We survived long hair on men in the Sixties and Seventies. We had the goth, make up wearing preppy types, rock stars with more make up than most women wore.

GS wears his sisters nailvarnish (chipped, and on filthy nails), I suspect she and her pals use him to practice on. They just don't have any hangups about it.

Maybe it was easier growing up in the 70s 80s no end of different youth cults, my own being mod then Northern soul.