Work letter of concern

[TD7]

Does a letter of concern from work mean you will be sacked my anxiety is through the roof

Yes it was wrong to shout but far less serious than hiding a colleague's pen and laughing at them. I'd like to think the other person has also received a letter of concern. It sounds like the other person was bullying you, rather than banter. I guess you are not in a union. Do you have anyone you could ask to go in with you for the review meeting?

I hate the expression “banter”. It’s only banter if both partners find it funny. If one doesn’t, then it’s low-level bullying. Your manager shouldn’t let some brat wind up a valued staff member suffering from anxiety. Your workplace sounds a bit toxic OP. You need to try and find a way to ignore this idiotic colleague. Sorry you are going through this. I’m as sure as I can be that you won’t be sacked though.

*parties not partners!

What will the review meeting be …will it be about steps I’ve taken for my improvement ie anxiety

I want to thank everyone who has commented on my post in my hour of need that’s how I feel

Sorry you are having such a hard time Op . I’ve had anxiety myself so can understand how this is building up in your head . You have had plenty of good advice - I’ll add mine FWIW .
A letter of concern is not disciplinary action , it is exactly what it says . You are being told that your employer is concerned about your behaviour ( you shouted at someone ) which if doesn’t improve , could lead to disciplinary action . There is a long way to go before that happens or you are sacked I.e. you will need to commit further disciplinary offences . That hasn’t happened so please try to stop worrying about the situation- it’s in the past and has highlighted your need for help with the anxiety so focus your mind on getting better
You say anxiety is causing the problem and are contacting the GP. Tell the GP what you’ve told us , take their advice and try to work on it over the holidays .
Your employer has a duty of care towards , especially as you have mental health issues . They will want to monitor how you are coping - hence the meeting when you get back. At this meeting you can explain that you’ve taken ownership of the anxiety and are receiving help / medication and take it from there . Those are very positive steps .
A good manager would have addressed the issue with the 17 yo too . I’m sure they will have been told that “banter” is verging on bullying so hopefully , when you return to work you’ll find they behave better towards you . If not, inform your manager before you “snap “ again .
Good Luck

Sorry you are anxious. The so called colleague sounds like an as*hole. Was there any witnesses to their behaviour? Sorry I've not RTFT. Hope you feel a bit better.

Imagine the poor manager dealing with grown adults who are rowing in the office over missing pens.

The likelihood is the meeting will be a chat to find out if the school can offer you any support as much as anything.

If it was disciplinary they would have to state that on the letter so it would not be termed ‘Letter of Concern’.

This will be about addressing the issue and working with you to resolve it and ensure it doesn’t happen again.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so unwell atm. Anxiety sucks and schools are not an easy environment to work in.

Take this time to see your GP and get some help, but also to look after yourself and put some self care measures in place for when you go back in September.

I really think if you acknowledge what you did and what you are doing to manage it by going to the doctor you will be okay.

You will be reasonable and you can then make sure that your colleagues do not deliberately wind you up in future.

The use of the wording 'should your conduct not improve' implies that at this stage no action will be taken. But if you continue to holler and shout at work, action can be taken. I wouldn't worry for now. It sounds like a warning, rather than an immediate threat of dismissal.

I think you should speak to your union. I’d not in a union join now.

Its great you are seeking help from GP.

The menopause can cause high anxiety have you explored HRT? obviously assuming you are female.

You can’t do anything for 6/7 weeks so you need to use this time to try to get MH under control.

Keep a written record of the incident as it’s easy to forget over the break.

Do you think your colleague is harassing or bullying you?

Keep a record of any incidents you can remember.

I sounds like your boss is minimising the behaviour of your colleague. Think carefully if the ‘banter’ is actually bullying. This is not ok.

Yes that's what it means.
So long as you take steps to better control yourself from having any future outbursts you'll be fine.
The person who wound you up may also have got a letter, but that won't be shared with you due to confidentiality.
Honestly, you'll be fine.

@TD7 , I want to back up what many posters have said - this letter of concern means you are not yet under any formal disciplinary process. I would encourage you to try and contact HR and ask them to explain exactly what the letter means. I think it is very unfortunate that you received it just as the summer break is coming up, as it means you have a long wait for the meeting. In normal circumstances it could probably take place much sooner and you would almost certainly feel much better about things afterwards.

I also agree with those saying that you must put your side of the story across, and given that your opportunity to do so is a few weeks away, you need to make notes now. In a way you’ve already done that in this thread, so get the relevant points about what your younger colleague was doing in the run-up to the incident down on a piece of paper ready to take in.

And in the meantime, I hope you get to see your GP as soon as possible to start getting some help for your anxiety. As other posters have said, don’t underestimate menopause heightening your anxiety. There are so many ways that you may be able to improve things - take heart that you might well be in a much better place by the time term starts again. Certainly use the meeting to state what steps you have taken regarding your anxiety, but equally it is important that you do explain as you have on this thread how your younger colleague behaved towards you.

Very sensible to get proper help from your GP, OP. They will probably refer you to your local 'Wellbeing' services, which are very, very helpful. Also diagnose treat your rash so no more itching
And they may offer you anti-anxiety medication which again can be very helpful

You won't get the sack. All this medical info will be documented and can be shared with your workplace, with your consent, if necessary.

Young employees treating a long-standing employee in this way are the ones who need to be spoken to too and educated about work place behaviour and empathy for others

Do not be bullied into resigning/reducing your hours unless the latter may be helpful for you healthwise and not too impactful financially. That could count as constructive dismissal re former. Not allowed in employment law.

But it won't come to that, don't worry.

My boss actually favours this young co worker I’ve worked there for 18 years 50 hrs a week and never had a day off when I told he he wound me up she said it was banter from him and this is because she doesn’t really like me I know that she brushed off his BANTER he has definitely not been spoken to

This colleague sounds as if he thinks he’s still at school with his mates having “banter”. Hopefully the manager has reminded him that he’s a working adult now, not a school kid, and that the rules are different. I don’t think that you’ll have any more trouble from him. If you do, make a complaint about bullying.

I hope that the GP helps you today. Anxiety is a bugger.

You won't be sacked, especially not if you've been there 18 years. It's not that easy to sack people! The process is normally verbal warning then a written warning first, although this isn't always the case. It does sound like you need to sit down with your manager and talk about your anxiety and that what might be banter to some people is deeply upsetting to you. Get a letter from your doctor to back up what you're saying about your mental health. It doesn't sound to me like your manager is really dealing with this in an appropriately sensitive fashion - particularly given how long you've been there.

Stand your ground. So maybe this younger colleague has charmed your manager so far - it still sounds like his behaviour was unacceptable in a workplace and you have every right to call it out.

I can see two things that may have resulted in this clash: The run up to the end of the school year is often riven with extra tensions for staff, whereas this colleague is not long out of education himself, so might have tried to release his stress by behaving more like a pupil than an employee - a good manager would have a word about that with him.

Your manager has told you you're not being sacked, not really sure what more reassurance you're looking for?

Just to add, I hope things go well with your doctor this morning OP. I’ve struggled with anxiety to varying extents over the years and I’m also going to try some of the resources recommended in this thread. Take care of yourself over the summer and hopefully you’ll be facing this from a stronger place in September.

You won't be sacked over that alone. I have a colleague who did much worse and a lot more frequently, even screamed at our manager on several occasions and is still there after a few chats with HR. Although they are on very thin ice now. It's just documented but will get to a point where they may deem it's impacting the team/your performance so be aware it can't continue.

What I would say after having to deal with said colleague try to goad me on many times is that you should just take the "that's nice dear" approach and walk away. Grey rock and keep your cool. Go to the kitchen and let out a big sigh then make a drink in peace before going back more level headed.

I agree that posters have given some great ideas and resources on this thread. Hope it helps you feel less alone, @TD7, and you can also see how starting this thread has helped other people too!

Did he actually take your pen and was he actually laughing at you, or just found something funny and you saw it as being about you and your pen which is a symptom of your high anxiety.

someone who is now a very good friend suffered terribly from anxiety. At a work party she got slightly hit by a car abd I was first there and helped sort.

the next day at work I was chatting and laughing with friends about the party and she reported me for laughing about her accident when I wasn’t at all

I can't imagine any employer wanting to get rid of an employee that's not taken a day off sick in 18 years. That's an amazing achievement.