Work letter of concern

[TD7]

Does a letter of concern from work mean you will be sacked my anxiety is through the roof

Im petrified I’m so anxious I have an anxiety rash on my hands and arms I’m going to the drs in the morning for my anxiety

I suffer mentally severe anxiety I do own I over reacted no I haven’t had any written warnings

Random advice from me; get up and take three very deep breaths. Try to clear your mind. Get a full glass of water and drink it, slowly. Take three more deep breaths. Then stretch your whole body from bottom to top.

I cannot clear my mind that’s why I need to see a dr I cannot eat or sleep

Thankyou for your advice

OP, you say you have severe anxiety, do you also have communication misunderstandings often (e.g. over a ‘stolen’ pen)? How do you get on at work more generally? Do you often fixate on small things?

When you go to your GP, might it be worth exploring what’s at the root of your anxiety? Counselling/meds might help, but understanding that you think/communicate/operate differently might mean that you can have reasonable adjustments/more understanding at work.

It’s very unlikely that you would lose a job after 18 years for one reaction to being bullied. Being scared is reasonable. Feeling anxious because of a written notice is normal. I think most of us would feel the same way in different degrees. But you are okay. Nothing has happened yet. Allowing these bad feelings to run rampant won’t help you so you have to take charge of them.

I do know, but it’s worth try until you get to the Dr.

Thankyou so much I know I’m different and now I need to stop being in denial and get help but I’m still worried about losing my job of 18years

If you are in a union, contact your rep about the situation. If you aren't in a union, this sounds like it would be a good time to join.

You aren’t as different as you think. It’s just a more extreme reaction to the same bad feelings most of us have when something threatens us. So many people have the same feelings and learn techniques to tamp them down.

I think feeling like you are different or your feelings are not common exacerbates the problem.

I think this is true.

Also seeking out reassurance from everybody is fuelling your anxiety. The more reassurance you get, the more anxious you will feel.

Look up the anxiety cycle and start to listen to youtube videos and podcasts to understand it. The Panic Pod is very good. Your anxiety is not a separate thing that you can talk about as if it is outside of you. It is a set of behaviours and thought processes which fuel negative feelings that have built up over many years. As such you can work on it and tackle it.

However, it is only you who can tackle it, with others' support, knowledge and encouragement. You will have to be able to sit with your discomfort to retrain your brain that you are actually safe when you feel under extreme threat (your doctor will hopefully be able to refer you to a CBT therapist who can help you to do this). Your sense of dread is definitely real. The actual threat is not. You can learn to distinguish between the two.

PanicSelfHelp.pdf (getselfhelp.co.uk)

The Panic Pod on Apple Podcasts

Clearing Fear and Worry - Tapping with Brad Yates - Bing video

Stop Anxiety by Changing Negative Thoughts | CALM-Logic #PaigePradko, #CalmSeriesforAnxiety, #CBT - Bing video

These are good starting points.

OP when you go to the Dr today, get some medication for your anxiety and ask about counseling. In 6 weeks the meds should have stabilized your mood and helped with the anxiety and you will be much better able to deal with going back to work. Tell your employer at your review about the steps you have taken to address your anxiety. If they wanted to fire you they would have convened a hearing not given you an informal discussion. They want to give you an opportunity to fix it. Good luck!

You aren't going to be sacked unless you continue shouting at people over minor things.

"Banter" can very often be bullying, imo. If both parties are engaging in banter, fine, but when one person is on the receiving end and it's not a two-way thing, and the second person doesn't want it, it's bullying imo.

If this person took your pen because they needed a pen, and yours was just lying around, I'd say they weren't in the wrong. If they did it as a prank, to wind you up, then it was bullying. I notice that you work in a kitchen, and catering is notorious for bullying. If you think you were being bullied, then say so at the meeting you have with your manager.

Definitely join a union, they will have your back.

It's exactly what it says it is , they have a concern about your behaviour, they want you to address this and make changes so they don't have to go down a formal disciplinary route in the future.

TBh, if you are in your 50's it was pretty silly to let a 17 year old wind you up so much you resorted to shouting. Maybe just keep an extra pen to hand.

Sounds like you really would benefit from some help for your anxiety, but sometimes you have to just be the bigger person.

A letter of concern usually goes hand in hand with the first level of warning

So you'll either have a verbal or a first level written warning

After this, if you don't put right what your employer asks you to put right, then you'll get a second warning etc

Once your employer has followed all the warning procedures, you can be sacked -- if you have not put right what your employer has told you to put right

But as you have already decided to see the Doctor to help sort out your anxiety (which you say has caused the problem which your employer has given you the LoC for).... all will be well

It's about putting the problem right.... fixing the issue. If you can do that, then alls good

I don’t think you should be regarding yourself as aberrant. When human beings get wound up, eventually they crack! We are animals after all. Anger is there as a boundary mechanism, for animals and for us. Mostly we get socialised out of using it as a means of communication, especially in a formal setting like a workplace.

But I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself if you weren’t able to contain your feelings in that moment when your boundaries were overstepped.

While I agree, you need to find ways to protect yourself emotionally so that it doesn’t get to the point of you shouting, I also think your colleagues should be more understanding of the frailties of being human.

A letter of concern is just that, a letter. It is not a disciplinary and will only end up in a disciplinary if you continue the behaviour. Normally these letters are removed after a period of time and then can not be referred to again. They can’t escalate this issue to a disciplinary now - they have already addressed it.

if you have worked there for 18 years with no issues previously, then it is unlikely there will be a repeat within the next few months.

That guy sounds like a prick and that’s far from banter. Deliberately making someone anxious is bullying. It’s not kind of mature. I’d be putting a complaint in about him. What an utter arsehole!

I would make that known and make sure they know you feel it
was not banter.

If you were genuinely goaded for an hour by a teenager I would report them.

Bad anxiety is also a hallmark of menopause. I would discuss that with the doctor too. Mine improved enormously with HRT. Sending very best wishes.

Thankyou for your kind comments just over an hour until I can ring the dr I’ve had no sleep at all last night my anxiety rash has got worse and I keep reading …at the bottom of the letter it says please bear in mind that formal disciplinary action may be taken should your conduct not improve to required standards…..which it will I’m addressing it so does that mean I won’t get a disciplinary

You need to talk to them, the people that wrote the letter, us giving our opinion will only help so much, we can't say 100% what it means

We are off for the next 7 weeks I cannot talk to them