Work letter of concern

[TD7]

Does a letter of concern from work mean you will be sacked my anxiety is through the roof

Could I speak to HR do you think I don’t want to make it worse

Honestly - no one can tell you. We don't know what will happen. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I don't think this thread is helping you as whatever anyone says, you are going over the same points. Even if you did get a disciplinary, that doesn't equate to losing your job, it would just be a formal "warning" of sorts to ensure you don't lose your temper again.
If everything happened exactly as you said, and you didn't make any type of discriminatory comments (I'm not saying you did) then you aren't going to lose your job over snapping at a colleague. What did you say to him? Did you say anything that could be regarded as discrimination? If not, I honestly wouldn't give it anymore thought.
Good luck with the GP today.

You can always ring your HR person, presuming they are in.

i work in HR in education and have wrote these letters before - the letter has dealt with the concern. There will be no further action, unless you do something else.

OP is your employer aware of your anxiety (and any other difficulties that you have?). I truly hope that they support you. I can tell how distressed you are. It's easy for me to say, but that letter is not going to lead to disciplinary proceedings at the moment. Please tell your gp how you're feeling. And then when you go back to work, please tell your manager too. I hope you're okay.

I hope you are feeling a little less anxious this morning.

Nobody here can tell you whether you'll get the sack or not. However, if you don't get help for your anxiety then eventually you will get into serious trouble. You can't control your anxiety because it's controlling you and this has to change.

You are catostrophising everything and blowing things out of context. This really has to stop. Draw up a timetable for yourself to include exercise, walks, meditation etc while you're waiting for treatment.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/generalised-anxiety-disorder/treatment/

Tell your manager as far as you are concerned banter is bullying.

FFS I hate the word banter - usually yes it's an excuse for bullying

This.

But you need to put this on paper.

Your boss does not get to decide what is banter.

A 17 year old hiding your stuff and winding you up is very upsetting and most certainly not banter.

His refusal to return your pet is not banter.

Him refusing to return it to a point you raised your voice is not banter.

You absolutely need to stand up for yourself.

Get this down on paper and state that it felt very upsetting to you.

I hope the Doctor can help you.

Presumably the OP works in a school kitchen? Dismissing an incident as "banter" often disguises bullying. And as for taking action on the basis of an anonymous phone call? In a school kitchen?

There will be policies about workplace bullying as well as disciplinary so I suggest OP that you ask for a copy of them. It does sound from her account as if an employee with anxiety (who has worked somewhere for 18 years!) is being deliberately targeted by another employee and nobody appears to have intervened to stop the banter bullying.

I presumed she was referring to a communal office kitchen space, rather than working in a kitchen? May have misinterpreted!

I based it on the fact that they're off for the next 7 weeks - schools break up this week? But I could be wrong.

I assumed it was him because for over an hour he kept laughing at me and I asked why are you laughing he kept say you will find out very soon ….I had hidden my pen and he knew where it was so I assumed when it was gone and his so called banter that it was him …so I called across to him raising my voice where is my pen he said I don’t know what your talking about my axiety was so high my boss said it was just banter and I should have believed him …in that case why did he keep laughing at me saying you will find out very soon

Yes that's what it means.

Banter can be a form of bullying. Contact HR. See your GP for coping strategies with your anxiety. You won’t be sacked.

Make sure you eat healthily, drink plenty, get fresh air and exercise, talk to friends, watch Netflix to distract yourself (The Detectorists is a feel good gentle series) and generally look after yourself.

It’s going to be okay.

I have broken up already as it’s a private school we have loner holidays mrs overtonswindow thanks though

All of this that has happened has now made me feel so unwell my anxiety rash is all over my arms and hands my head is pounding …I now have an appointment to see a dr today so I’m really grateful for that my workplace especially my manager know I suffer mental health and yes I do need to address it and stop being in denial which is what I’m doing I may even have ADHD and OCD I so I’m getting it sorted now

Sorry you are having a hard time @TD7.
I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder a long time ago after many years of denial and have been in exactly the fixated panic loop you are in.

Previous posters have given you good advice on what the steps after this letter are likely to be and you need to listen to them. And to stop catastrophising.

I know that’s easier said than done but the only way you can break this obsessive thought cycle is through deliberate effort. Medication and therapy will help, so do keep going to the dr until you have some support but overriding the anxiety thought loops is a deliberate practice of stopping yourself once you have asked the question and had the answer and accepting what’s been said.

Right now you have had a letter to discuss what happened in 6 weeks.
That’s all that is. There are no other letters right now.

You are addressing the cause of your own behaviour ahead of that. You will be able to explain that.

If you have an HR dept, getting clarity from them would be useful.

You could also use it to bring up the behaviour of the 17 year old and get advice on that - it’s more likely they are immature and annoying rather than bullying but good to have it recorded.

Good luck!

I hope you're ok OP. Your colleague sounds like a dick but try not to let your thoughts spiral out of control. Anxiety is fucking awful, I hope you manage to get some rest and have a friend or family member you can reach out to.

OP, hope you feel better this morning. I hope some of the more knowledgable posters have made you feel better.

When you speak to GP tell them what’s going on with work. Ask for a print out of your medical records so you can show at your meeting that you are aware of your anxiety condition and that you are getting help. Please the GP for any self help groups they recommend. Good luck with GP, I hope you get something to help, don’t come away empty handed, be assertive that you want help now.

You are not facing disciplinary at this stage. Nothing further will happen over the summer. You will only enter disciplinary if there are repeats of the behaviour.

HR is probably still in, even over the summer, so it is worth contacting them and asking for their policies on work place bullying. I would also ask for an occupational health assessment due to ongoing mental health difficulties.

It sounds as if the 17 year old was deliberately winding you up due to your anxiety, as your anxiety is ongoing it fits the category of a disability, so you were being badly treated due to a protected characteristic. This is the same as if someone was winding up another person by being racist and then they snapped, it shouldn’t just be dismissed as banter.

Speak to your gp, speak to HR and know that nothing worse is going to happen over the next 6 weeks

You've done exactly the right thing addressing your anxiety now. You have seven weeks for meds to kick in. I suggest you use this time to get out and walk as much as you can. Exercise is so good. During covid when we were locked up a lot of people did Joe Wickes exercise tapes daily. Those would be good too. Look at your diet do you eat the right things?

Oh gosh how worrying for you OP. But I don't think a disciplinary will follow. Boss is just going through the motions due to the anonymous report and your mental health. Just be honest explain how you are getting help and how this situation arose.

If it makes you feel better I once told/shouted at a line manager to "fuck off , what do you want me to do? Stick a broom up my arse and sweep the floor as I go too?!" It was around work loads and they kept piling shit on me.

Nothing was ever done, line manager cried, but that's his problem. And I'm normally the quiet one! 🤣

I've worked with people who suffer from anxiety and they are usually the most conscientious, hard working and sincere people you will ever meet. If you are in the company this long your bosses understand and value you. If you have a long break before getting back to your job use it to get your medication tweaked and get some counselling to help you deal with these types of interactions in work. Something like CBT might be helpful to you. You sound very stressed at the moment and my heart goes out to you. Remind yourself that this was a very minor incident at work and your boss probably just realises that you need some help with your anxiety at the moment and wants to ensure you are getting some help with it.