Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

MYOB

Unfortunately this is true. I was about to write something like this.

Most of the people I know in home care roles shouldn’t be allowed to feed the ducks.

i imagine the bosses are just the same but just put a better face on it.

According to @Takeovermylife slagging off kids is fine amongst nursery workers…

I would 100% tell the company

Personally I would report it, but they are desperate for staff and it's your word against 2 of their staff, they will deny it and claim you have either misheard or are a mad woman.

The company will chose to believe them but they might put their calls on private in future.

Oh that's just terrible. Please don't ignore it and report it to the agency and maybe CQC that's dreadful, breaching confidentiality aside it's not treating Mary with any dignity or respect it's dehumanising her and is not in the least bit acceptable.
I wouldn't tell Mary because she would be mortified but you definitely have a duty to report this! How awful. Also they are not doing a difficult job because they aren't doing it properly no care staff that speak like this or conduct themselves in this manner are actually conducting themselves in a way that meets basic care support requirements.

If you know the care company just report what happened - if they are aware it's their job to deal with it and outcomes are in their hands.

Once they have the information they are in best placed to judge the situation and the workers - but if you don't tell them they haven't any idea there could be an issue to investigate or deal with.

Well for starters confidentality is literally out of the window. What about respect and the elderly lady's dignity. They have a code of practice. This person is way off the mark. If nothing is said , bad practice will continue, and one day we will be Mary.

What a well considered respomse.

Response, even.

Yes I would tell the agency. Its one thing to have not realised but her response when you approached her...no remorse or caring!!

I worked in care/hospitals for a long time, with multiple nasty wee cunts like this who think it's ok to slag the vulnerable behind their back because "my job is soo hard wahh I was only letting off steam". They are unbearable and don't deserve the privileged of doing the job.

I've seen it said more often than not that high school bullies gravitate towards nursing and caring professions and it's true. Nastly little teens who's parents didn't know how to parent them jumping into jobs where they have power over people.

I have done care work for years, some jobs are harder than others. I personally found live in dementia care hardest, virtually 24/7 making sure someone able bodied (so unlike a baby able to open door/window, switch things on like oven or kettle, go up and down stairs etc...) doesn't hurt themselves is hard. While wiping arses isn't nice but you do not the get act like that there are rules in place.

That information is private and confidential (privacy is taken seriously). They shouldn't be mocking vulnerable patients (morally more than anything). I imagine they certainly won't be allowed under the company name to tell a concerned friend of a patient to 'fuck off' over their confidentiality leak.

If she was suitably mortified and remorseful I would drop it, but it's the fact that she doubled down and dismissed you, that would drive me to report her asap with FULL DETAILS. The bitch deserves to be called out, just based off her arrogant lack of all remorse, alone.

Report it; the time, date, who they were talking about, that she laughed at it and felt she was justified discussing this poor elderly woman's condition just because she didn't like a part of the job. No. F her, after the way she reacted to you. Her behaviour towards you indicates that she's done this before and more importantly, that she will keep doing it because she feels entitled to. It could be my or your mother next she does it to. Please give a full detailed report. She has to be stopped.

Absolutely report them , they should be sacked immediately. How disgusting that elderly people are being spoken about like this , I would actually take this further and report to the council .

I'm a mum of a 24 year old son who needs full care (mind of a baby), and this would break my heart.

Not only is the carer's behaviour completely cruel and unacceptable but her aggressive, undignified response to you is also a red flag. She clearly has a short fuse. Upsetting also are some of the responses on here. Banter, just walk on by and ignore - this is how matters escalate. @Jongleterre really? What if it was one of your loved ones.

Report this op and please also report to social services older adult team. Just send exactly what you have said here because that is the truth along with the response you received. One of the most depressing things I have read on here in a long time.

I'd report 100%

Definitely report but don't tell Mary. I presume the company would let her go or at least wouldn't have her working with Mary again. I can't imagine they would go and say to Mary 'x told us about x conversation, so we've had to let that carer go', I presume they wouldn't want her feeling embarrassed so I don't think you need to worry about Mary finding out you know this information. Pretend that Mary is your future self/ mum/ sister/ aunty, what action would you like taken place?

@BitchBrigade Jeez, that's sad.

What have I just read!! As a former trainer of care staff, reading this has made my blood run cold. Never mind the company, please contact the CQC or your local authority Adult Safeguarding Services about this immediately! This is a gross and appalling breach of this lady’s privacy and dignity, one of the main principles of care. This person should not be allowed anywhere near vulnerable people in their own homes. How do you think she speaks to ‘Mary’ behind closed doors, if this is her attitude?
The carer’s reaction to you challenging her speaks volumes about the training they have received and the attitude of the company as a whole, which is why I’d bypass them altogether and go above them.
Please see this for how serious it really is, a lady towards in the end of her life in a vulnerable position, reliant on this company for care and support, being dehumanised and degraded in the most appalling way. I’m sorry that you had to witness this, but safeguarding is everyone’s business and we all have a duty of care to challenge things like this.

I'd tell Mary and let her decide what to do! It's her care and private info, after all.

100% report.

The staff member either needs "training", or if they already have disciplinaries on their record booted. The carer at the other end of the phone needs trained too.

Caring can be such a difficult occupation for those who do care, one of the people I know who is a carer entered the occupation later in life after redundancy. It was something she had always considered doing and she was ideal for it. She joined a team where the culture was bitching about clients and she found it really intimidating and difficult not to get dragged into it. I can see that being hard for many, especially younger less experience carers at that attitude spreads so easily. She shifted jobs and the team in the next organisation were brilliant.

The company needs to know they have an issue in that team or they can't address it.

they sound crap,
i am torn whether i would report them as carers are in short supply,
but would absolutely be tempted to

@User5653218
If you do report it, you will have to remember the date and time so the company can look back and see which carer was in that round. Despicable behaviour, there is nothing funny about that situation, it's awfully upsetting. And breaking all confidentiality.
However having worked for care companies for 12 years, they most probably won't do a damn thing. They're just happy to find someone willing to do the job quite honestly. I've reported several safeguarding issues in my years and have NEVER been satisfied by the outcome. It definitely is the write thing to do and maybe that care company is better than the ones I've worried for 🤷🏻‍♀️