Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

or you can report to the care quality commission, i have done that, never heard back though

Report it and give Mary's name. They do need to let off steam but to do it the way they did it, not caring one jot about 'Mary's' dignity and right to confidentiality, is disgraceful.

I'd write the email, with Mary's name and I'd also say about the abuse you got from the carer. I'd also include that the person on speakerphone perhaps didn't know that they could be overheard but the one in the car certainly did. How dare she.

DH has a carer Mon-Fri while I’m at work. He has had cares for 11 years and if any of them in that time ever spoke about him in that way he’d be devastated. Report them please.

I've done the job for 12 years, we don't mock our clients with each other to relieve anything. I'd hate for people to think that this is normal behaviour.

They are horrible. Please report this

Of course they need to let off steam, but not in public like that, and they should have been remorseful when they realised you heard.

Contact the care company.
Don’t give them your name or Mary’s name, or the names of the carers.
Tell them all the other specifics - speakerphone, company car with logo, window rolled down, laughing loudly that a client had “shat herself in her chair again”, clearly using her name, near her house, told you to fuck off.
Ask the company to tell their staff that there has been an incident and to remind them about the need for confidentiality in public places. You don’t want anyone punished but you expect this to be taken seriously.

No need to take it further than that unless they don’t reply or brush you off.

I’d report your concerns to the CQC.

Their behaviour was abusive, especially as they doubled down on the insults when confronted.

Just to be clear, by reporting you are giving the company change to make an informed choice. They will decide if sanctions or further training on confidentiality should be put in to place.

You are not doing this to them op. Their actions and their attitudes are responsible for what ever happens next.

Mary and all of the other vulnerable folk they ‘care for’ (at extortionate costs in many cases) deserves better.

I would absolutely report to the agency and the response you get will tell you everything you need to know about the organisation.

This might have been 2 carers sounding off after a difficult morning shift but there is absolutely no need to do this on speakerphone in a parked car with the windows open. It's disrespectful in any circumstances but within earshot of Jo public is totally unacceptable and breeches confidentiality rules.

If the person doesn't want to clean up shit then they're in the wrong job and need to get out now.

I'm away out with the dog now, clear my head.

Are you in Scotland?

www.sssc.uk.com/fitness-to-practise/raising-a-concern/

I sure as hell wouldn't trust her with an elderly person. Elder abuse is a real thing.

This is the concerning thing. If as someone said upthread she appears to have a short fuse she might think nothing about taking it out on a client.

Absolutely agreed

I don't think it really matters- it sounds like there was wrongdoing by both.

The one in the car shouldn't have been discussing any patient details in public earshot. They shouldn't have been talking about Mary in that manner anyway, and the one on speaker should have ascertained the setting was private before 'letting off steam' about a named patient.

Then the first should of course not have sworn at you when it was brought to their attention that you could hear and identify Mary.

The care company can investigate, you don't need to do that. The carers can state their respective cases and the company can decide what action is suitable for each if any but you can be confident that there was inappropriate behaviour.

Oh my god how appalling. 100% yes, of course tell the company. Don't tell Mary. But this woman must be reported. Who knows what else she is doing or not doing.

If I was Mary or her relative I would absolutely want this to be reported. It's also the lack of remorse for it that is concerning.

Good for you, for speaking up.

As I see it, there were three separate transgressions:

1. Two carers laughing about a client….. tasteless and unprofessional….. but gallows humour is a common way of coping with difficult stressful jobs. Doesn’t mean it’s OK at all, but I’m pretty sure they won’t be the only ones.

2. Doing it in a way that was reckless as to whether they might be overheard by any random person…. Very unprofessional.

3. Telling a member of the public to fuck off when challenged about their behaviour - totally unacceptable.

So I vote for report them to the company - do NOT tell Mary. They might get a verbal or written warning….. which, for all you know, they might have already had over similar in the past. If they get a greater sanction, that’s on them, not on you.

I would absolutely tell the company. I worked in care during my Degrees and honestly it's shocking. I worked in 3 different care homes and then did agency work, so had experience in many settings.
I honestly met the nastiest, bitchiest people of my life working as carers. It's a hard and low paid job (I know, I've done it) but honestly, most of the staff had no idea how be basic compassionate humans.

Obviously there are amazing carings. However, my point is; if they are laughing at a client like this then God knows how they may treat their clients. Working as a carer made me see the industry in a whole different light. I had to report a carer for slapping a patient, one place I worked hardly anyone spoke English and clients were being ignored, diabetics fed desserts etc.

Don’t tell Mary, but do tell the company. This is appalling conduct from the carers, and people like Mary deserve much more respect and for their dignity to be respected than this.

It’s really not hard to not be cruel about people, I don’t understand this at all.

This happened to me the other day, I was really shocked they were discussing personal details so loudly, I'd be appalled if that was my relative.

Oh and the telling you to "fuck off" just shows what type of person she is.

Yes this, they aren’t going to sack her, they will give her a bollocking.

Absolutely report it...if she was aggressive to you, one can only imagine how awful she was/is with 'Mary'. maybe you were meant to overhear her conversation to intervene in some way and make her life that bit better, she has no family so you are her advocate of sorts, reporting that woman is the kind moral thing to do. You sound lovely....go for it! even if they are replaced you saved Mary from being looked after by a total B i t c h

This is hard. My late OH was a doctor and I mixed with lots of medics - their humour was, how shall I say, interesting .... and it was one of the ways they coped. It did not mean they did not care, nor that they were in any disrespectful to individual patients.

This lady should not have had the windows open and the speakers on. I think I would be inclined to mention this to the agency - maybe just say that they could be heard in the street.

This is deeply upsetting. Please report, with all the details you've given in your OP.