Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

It’s a very poorly paid and tough job being a carer - you can let off steam behind a closed door about pay etc, but it’s inexcusable to talk about someone like that - I don’t think it can be described as light banter, it’s cruel and shows utter lack of compassion and respect. It also undermines those carers who are dedicated, compassionate and professional despite the poor pay etc. Absolutely tell the company, but nothing is gained from telling Mary.

I reported it about 250 posts back!

You report them , the carer will probably lose her job . No harm but as a PP said there may be no other carers to take on that call .
im thinking the carer is probably nice as pie to Mary and is letting off steam to a friend . Why don’t you visit Mary and suss out how she finds her carers before doing else ? If Mary is happy leave it .

Let's say you were a broke down on your luck type over hearing this conversation - they now know Mary is a helpless older person living alone, and now know they can rob or something worse Mary, and there is nothing she could do about it... Could you live with that knowing you could have reported the incident to the care company who would advise all their staff to be more cautious when speaking about clients.

Lol 😂 good!

Before I retired I was a home carer. Do not tell Mary, but do report

100% report it; I am stunned at her attitude it’s awful the care sector strives to out people like this working in it; if she’s capable of talking about the lady like this; what else is she capable of?
being a big mouth laughing at someone’s circumstances is in my experience usually just the tip of the iceberg; there’s usually a lot more going on with the staff member, such as not working the full hours with the person; speaking to them in a derogatory manner; making them feel uncomfortable when carrying out personal care; using inappropriate language towards them the list is endless & the individual receiving the care feels powerless to tell anyone for fear of repercussions & as all of this is going on in their own home they feel so alone & powerless so please I implore you to report it immediately, I know what I’m talking about I’ve worked in the care sector for years & have carried out so many investigations into this type of behaviour I don’t believe it’s an isolated incident at all.
I work hard with my team on dignity & respect; & I would be furious if one of my team spoke about one of our elderly people like this; it’s vile this lady needs to remember this lady she’s bad mouthing is paying her salary & one day she may find herself in the same position.
it really makes me angry that she’s being so spiteful about a lady who is so vulnerable a lady who probably never thought she would ever find herself in this position; she doesn’t deserve someone so spiteful pretending to care for her & I hope the nasty piece of work loses her job because ABUSE has no place in our care system.

Makes you wonder how they treat elderly when with them

100% tell the company. Don’t tell the lady. Pair of absolute reprobates and unfortunately the sort of people all too often employed as “carers”.

If the woman in the car had been embarrassed you’d overheard, instead of abusive , l might have had a little sympathy and put it down to an error of judgement . But as she clearly didn’t give a toss l might report it although it’s going to be your word against hers.
Maybe ask Mary if her carers are nice and if she likes them maybe let sleeping dogs lie ?

I do their job and it’s not acceptable behaviour.

I couldn’t be a brain surgeon but I wouldn’t expect them to discuss my business in the open.

This

Tell the company

Honestly keep it to yourself, this is just human nature we all say things like this at times it doesn’t define who a whole person is. Is it nice to hear no but I very much doubt you aren’t guilty of similar everybody is. Leave it be and hopefully the carer might be a little more discreet in future!!

NHS director here, yes report her. Its a breach of confidentiality. You identified the client during a conversation you overheard. No effort was made by the employee to prevent third party witnessing it. The attitude is disgusting too

I dont care. They signed up to it.

And yes.

As someone who worked in the NHS this is a huge hige No No and dismisal level.

Sorry but everyone is underpaid and that is never an excuse to treat another human being who is Vulnerable like this.

I have worked with colleagues in the hospital like this. Who have joked and made fun of patients who are vulnerable I hate it. I treat my patients like myself and my family. No judgment and respect in all interactions.
I as an NHS worker would NOT remain silent I would contact the care company and report it and give specific dates and times and what was said and make it known the location.

I jave family who work in care homes and it is the same. The carers just smoke and hide in the break room while my Family actually work and care for the patients. Even picking up all yhe work of the slackers. And it is not about Pay for these people they just don't know how to have empathy and are in the wrong profession. Not people people at all.
I know loads of people like this in the NHS have the brains and the skills but 0 bedaide manners and 0 respect for patients.

Report it. We need to make sta dards of care high again.

No need for cheek! I only got an email from MN at 17:35 and posted 19:23! Sorry for not reading 25 pages of previous posts.

No, everybody is certainly not guilty of it.

SHE'S ALREADY REPORTED IT

Ahem, sorry for the caps, bold and underline, but it's 'cancel the cheque' all over again...

Just click on 'see all' on the first post, no need to read 25 pages

I think that I would have to say something to the company.
I know their jobs are not easy BUT they took the job in the first place....so they knew what they were getting in to.
And NOBODY deserves that amount of disrespect, no ifs ands or buts!!!!
But then saying that, there's the risk of reprisals against the poor lady. Tough one.

Everybody says things that they shouldn’t didn’t intend…sometimes we just have to mind our own business!

Maybe even try to get an idea from Mary if she’s happy with her carers but you actually dr use on a course of action if any action!

As a carer myself we have the training and knowledge to know not to talk about residents personal care with anyone else unless it’s a safeguarding concern. This should definitely be reported. Chances are they’ll get a disciplinary, receive extra training, potentially be replaced with other carers who need hours or be terminated if they’re a recurring problem.
It crosses a line and next time it could be that they’re discussing a keysafe code and unknowingly giving a stranger entry to a resident’s home