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Original poster

Overheard something quite personal

990 replies

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

OP posts:
lightand · 15/07/2023 18:59

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

There ought to be a name on this site for the first posts who post like this.

It is seen all the time on MN

Some must be sitting waiting for a nice new post to arrive that they can be scathing about immediately.
Makes their day I assume.

Grrrrdarling · 15/07/2023 18:59

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

Please report this to the company.
Not only is it disgraceful these staff members have so little thought for their clients that they laugh & joke about their accidents but the discussion may also be a date breach!
I’d hate to think a vulnerable person was being cared for by such uncaring individuals!
I cared for my grandmother for 9 months, before she suddenly passed away, & that care included feeding, bathing, toileting & accident cleanups but I would never laugh or joke about having to do so.

It was private information & only disclosed when I needed advice!

Suunnyd · 15/07/2023 19:00

Dont tell Mary but definitely report. Surely with care roles there is a patient confidentiality type thing. You wouldn't expect to be sitting in a restaurant and overhearing your GP discussing with a colleague about how they had to inspect and prescribe for your piles first thing on a Monday morning. The lady should not have been discussing Mary with anyone except maybe her boss, and it should be done in an appropriate place.

BellasMommy · 15/07/2023 19:00

euff · 14/07/2023 11:31

Don't tell the agency please tell adult social care in writing, you can do it anonymously. Mary won't be in a care home because one or two carers is no longer working for that agency and even if that were the case it may not be worse than being at home with maybe only this kind of person entering the home to do personal care.

You seem like a decent person and I think if you don't do anything it will eat at you. Only a uncaring piece of work could forget about it easily.

Definitely good advice .

Tillyboo123 · 15/07/2023 19:01

Damn right I would report the carer. If she spoke to you like that then the chances are she also has a poor attitude towards those in her care

JamieFrasersfurrysporran · 15/07/2023 19:02

I would report her, she isn't fit to be a carer

MumForJustice · 15/07/2023 19:03

If it was me I would report her to the agency. But it maybe that the agency was the other person laughing so beware. I wouldn’t tell mary no it would upset her.

BellasMommy · 15/07/2023 19:04

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 11:32

Could you do their job?

I couldn't.

It's light relief banter between colleagues.

It's not " banter " and if you think that is an acceptable way to speak about a person especially an elderly person who I'm sure hates that someone has to clean her up , then there is definitely something wrong with you !!!! You sound like a horrible human being.

fetchacloth · 15/07/2023 19:05

Report them 💯.
Totally unprofessional and unacceptable conduct. 😑

HobbyHorse30 · 15/07/2023 19:05

if people need “banter” at someone else’s expense with no regard for who can hear and what the implications of that might be, just to cope with providing the personal care they were employed to give, then they are in the wrong job.

Grrrrdarling · 15/07/2023 19:06

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

Let’s just say this is your mother, father, brother, sister, child, close friend who is in the vulnerable position where they need help from carers & you hear the carers talking about them like this or someone tells you they overheard the conversation…!
This needs reporting because it is not acceptable to have such little respect for vulnerable clients, paying you to care for them, that you think it is appropriate to laugh & joke about things they have no control over!!

LordRantapine · 15/07/2023 19:07

Just mind your own business

Jack80 · 15/07/2023 19:08

I would anonymously report by phone, send a letter/email, it’s for peace of mind it’s a hard job I have done it. I would never disrespect a client.

AlexA123A · 15/07/2023 19:09

I am a carrer. They have breached data confidentiality. They have laugh at the client so the shown lack of respect. Those ladies should be reported and fired. They are not a good carrers. If they could laugh lime this, I would not have a trust they are not harming the clients. PLEASE REPORT THEM.

MzMazzaa · 15/07/2023 19:10

That's terrible, that would really upset me if I thought the carers that looked after my parents were laughing about them.
I would definitely report them to company, and also to social services that way something will have to be done.
Too many people "uncaring" doing caring job.
Thank you for looking out for Mary xxx

Iolani · 15/07/2023 19:10

I definitely wouldn’t tell Mary
I would report the lady to the agency. If she talks about her clients like that then I would be concerned how she treats them when no one’s around.
In her role she should have compassion. She doesn’t.
Shes a disgrace.
Definitely report her.
If you do it anonymously it may not be taken and dealt with properly.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 15/07/2023 19:13

I would absolutely tell the company. If anyone spoke about someone I loved like that I would be furious. Report her - she sounds awful and needs a severe dressing down slash disciplinary.

NoDought · 15/07/2023 19:13

Absolutely report her, it is gross misconduct, massive breach of confidentiality and utterly disrespectful, not only that, she held no accountability or remorse when confronted, she isn’t a pleasant person and should not be in this role.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 15/07/2023 19:14

The people saying “just get on with your day” are nincompoops tbh.

WildUnchartedWaters · 15/07/2023 19:19

Crystals35 · 15/07/2023 18:59

Not in the least irrelevant. The fact that they had the conversation in the car and were overheard by someone who clearly couldn't make out the exact words, does not prove that they treated Mary unkindly when they were doing their job.
There are far too many assumptions on this thread, with posters immediately jumping to the conclusion that because the phone conversation was derogatory, the carers themselves must automatically be insensitive and unkind.

Show quote history

Nobody said it did.

I couldnt care if they are lovely to her.

Doing what they did is unforgivable and they should absolutely be sacked.

superplumb · 15/07/2023 19:19

Tell the company
We all have rubbish days when dealing with vulnerable people but she is unprofessional and uncaring. Clearly no compassion. Poor old women is prob mortified thar her life has got to that...

Pinktree87 · 15/07/2023 19:20

You should definitely tell the agency.

  1. because that's awful, I wouldn't want to be treated that way
  1. Because if it's an agency it's likely she is paying so even more of a reason
  1. I work in a similar sector and no one should be treated with such disrespect
No one chooses to sit on their own poop, obviously needs help, and has help for a reason!!!!

Report them for sure. The lady deserves better care.

Donthavechildren · 15/07/2023 19:20

Calm down

Bambiwithlonglegs · 15/07/2023 19:21

Tell the Care Company straight away!
Absolutely vile people to say that about someone who clearly is dependant on them and what else are they doing? They clearly have no respect and should not be in a care position for the vulnerable. Absolutely heartbreaking.
Also well done for saying something to their faces. A lot of people wouldn’t!
Report ASAP!

Simone91x · 15/07/2023 19:23

Definitely report! Disgusting behaviour. They are breaking the law and their companies policies and procedures, never mind Mary’s confidentiality. I’m angry for Mary too. The company who cares for Mary will make sure she is seen and if not refer her back to social work who will organise decent carers x

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